– John RuskinLearning a new sex skill is a lot like learning a new language. You can practice all you want alone in your room, but if you don’t have the chance to use all the new information, it will be lost in translation. You’ve gone to all the hard work of improving your finger fitness and learning a whole pile of new tips, tricks and techniques. Don’t let it all get away from you because you can keep it up!Be Prepared
The best way to ensure that you get to try that new move again another day is preparedness. Be ready for everything you can imagine and take a few simple precautions to ensure that everything goes smoothly.
Cleaning Up
Clean up before fingering is incredibly important. The vagina is a sensitive, self-cleaning area that needs to be kept free of debris and irritants that might cause yeast infections or other reactions. Wash your hands thoroughly, keep your fingernails clean and trimmed, shower, shave, brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes. Dress to impress!
Slowing Down
New sexy situations might be fun and exciting, but you shouldn’t rush into anything you don’t entirely understand. Take it easy and don’t get too worked up about anything. Stop trying to memorize a dozen different moves all in one night. Pick one new thing and try it out, see what happens! Even if it doesn’t work very well, you may just need practice. Don’t be discouraged but a slow start – it means you have the patience and determination to do things right.
Coming Around
Consent is vital to a communicative relationship, so when you are playing with fingering, it’s important to ensure that your wife understands what you want to do before you do it. Don’t try to put a finger in her anus without explicit permission! Consent allows everyone to feel safe and secure making sexual decisions, and if you take this right away from your wife she may not feel safe revealing any of her secret spots to the likes of you.
Wet & Wild
I firmly believe that lubricant is vital to every sexual relationship, not just one where a woman “doesn’t get wet enough”. If she is concerned about shopping in a sex store or being embarrassed at the drug mart, try organic all-natural coconut oil! It isn’t condom safe, but it is smooth, solid at room temperature to avoid bid messes, and great for the skin.
If you do decide to buy from the store, oil-based lubricants are the longest lasting, but aren’t safe for use with condoms either. Silicone based lubes are very slick, last a long time and are condom safe, but can’t be used with any kind of silicone sex toys. The best all-purpose lubes by far are water based and also come in natural, organic versions for the health-conscious.
Don’t overdo it with the lube – most only need a drop or two at a time. Remember, you can always add a little more, but it’s a lot harder to take some away! Oil and silicone lubes in particular can be difficult to wash off, of skin as well as sheets and clothes.
Know Your Audience
Understanding what your wife wants out of your sex life is integral to making the changes that you both want, need and can sustain.
Communication
Part of consent is communication, so don’t leave it out of the process. Consent isn’t valid unless it is “informed consent”, a decision based on all the available information pertinent to the subject. Your wife may want to stipulate some rules, like no anal play unless she instigates. You may want discuss your ideal sex situation, so you can make a goal if she, for example, wants to orgasm before intercourse.
Feedback
As important as the informed consent before any new act is the feedback that comes after. Post-processing new experiences is something that helps build and strengthen relationships. Making love and experiencing intimate touch can be a very emotional experience and these emotions can’t just be hidden away or stuffed back down, they need to be felt and shared with a partner. Don’t judge, and allow each other to be open and honest about your experience. Each act of caring and sharing brings you that much closer. Don’t take it for granted. Love and learn, every day.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. For more information about using your fingers in hot new ways, check out my program on the matter – Flirting Fingers.
