Sex can be romantic. Animalistic. Should be pleasurable. Egalitarian. Messy, but in a good way. Fun. But often, it’s straight-up confusing. When it comes to a guy’s climax, the routine is fairly simple: you get a little turned on, there’s some touching or rubbing or partnered stimulation of some kind, and then when you’ve reached the point of no return – a release!
But women’s orgasms can be as confounding as a Westworld plotline, especially if we’re aiming for the squirting kind. First we have to feel generally comfortable around you, then remember whether or not we left our curling iron plugged in this morning, reassure ourselves that we unplugged it, then remind ourselves that we’re making out with a guy we really like. The blood eventually rushes to our genitals, and the touching from then on has to be juuuuust right – not too hard, not too soft, and usually on the exact right spot. Things are going well! We’re feeling it! We’re going to squirt! But even then, sometimes when a squirting orgasm is ascending like a firework – poof! – it turns out it was just a dud.
No wonder men are clueless around a vagina. Understanding the female squirting orgasm takes some practice, but it’s important to school yourself on your partner’s pleasure. Because how a female gets to orgasm can be as complicated as trying to understand blockchain (seriously, what is it?), it’s important to understand what women want more of in bed – and why it matters that you get it right.
The first thing you should know? There’s more to good sex than a bed-breaking squirting climax. As tempting as it is to rush to P-in-the-V action as the clothes are still hitting the floor, spending some time to warm up her nether regions is worth it. Most women need at least 15-20 minutes of pre-penetrative acts (kissing, touching and sexy talk) to get aroused and get ready to squirt. Female arousal takes time, but it’s worth the wait.
If you want to know more about female ejaculation, as you know I am an authority in the subject and my program, Squirting Orgasms, will definitely give you all the information you need.
THE MOVES THAT WORK
Suggestions from individual women are subjective, of course, but they aren’t just anecdotal. There’s serious data to back up what kinds of touches are most likely to make women orgasm. Unsurprisingly, most techniques involve the clitoris, that nerve-packed area at the top of where her labia meet. It’s about the size of an eraser head and packed with thousands of nerve endings – similar to the amount in a penis.
Last year, the Kinsey Institute partnered with OMGYes, a research-based website that educates users on female pleasure, in a groundbreaking study that found exactly what kind of clitoral action gets women to climax. Of the 1055-strong sample, 37 per cent of women said they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse, while another 36 per cent said it isn’t necessary but that it enhances the whole experience. The researchers went even deeper and asked what kind of clitoral touching women liked most, and two thirds of respondents said they enjoyed direct clitoral touching. When asked about the shape and style of touching, women responded that they like, in this order: up and down motions, circular, side to side, pulsating (rapid pushing in one spot), pressing, then flicking. For patterns of touch, nearly all women in the study said they preferred repeated, rhythmic motions. An almost equal number said they liked circular motions around the clitoris. May your fingers and tongue never get lost again.
HOW TO TALK ABOUT IT – WITH CONFIDENCE
Even when you know exactly what most women crave, the truth is every woman is different. One woman’s orgasmic heavy breathing could be another woman’s signal that she’s just, well, tired and out of breath. And not all women whimper and howl as they’re about to climax, even if that’s what porn taught you as a teen. There’s only one way truly to find out what the woman you’re sleeping with likes: you have to ask her. Foreplay can be a great way to get the conversation started: arousal actually releases a neurochemical cocktail that disinhibits you a little bit, so use that time as an opportunity to begin communication.
As a pre-sex makeout session begins, start to describe a fantasy of yours (one of your less, um, controversial ones, perhaps), then ask her about one of hers. Or describe the parts of her body you love the most – and then kiss her there. If you can’t tell if she’s feeling it, stop for a second and take stock by asking her, “Does that feel good?” If the answer is no, resist sulking and a plunge in self-confidence. Instead, redirect your energies. And don’t worry about it messing with the flow, which can be resumed. Plus, the way you communicate early on in a sex session (and in a relationship) paves the way for future talks. And a lot less confusion all round.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. For more information on how to give your lady a squirting orgasm, you can check out my program on the matter, Squirting Orgasms Shortcuts.
