“I’m in my bed. You’re in your bed. One of us is in the wrong place.”
The first time I watched a porn flick with my partner, it was super awkward. I laughed through the entire thing, it was like watching Funniest Home Videos and not a turn-on at all. My experience is common, with women finding sexy movies intimidating, boring or plain lol-worthy. But there are pros to porn – especially when watching it with your partner.
All together now
About 80 per cent of men and 66 per cent of women watch porn; it’s a great way of getting in the mood. A person’s porn preferences offer an insight into their sexual fantasies, but because it’s so revealing (and at times embarrassing) you might worry about introducing it into a relationship. In fact, porn can actually be good for your relationship. It doesn’t have to ruin your self-confidence or your sex life. Do it right, and it will improve both.
Despite this, some women feel uncomfortable about watching porn with a partner, thinking, “does he want me to do that?!” or “does he wish I looked like her?” Yes, women know you guys are visual creatures and you get turned on by what you see, so reassure her that you’re massively into her before proposing a porn flick marathon. By watching porn with your partner, you can get to know her turn-ons, find ideas for new positions and techniques, and mix up your sexual routine. Porn provides a platform to talk about sex and each person’s likes and dislikes. It invites excitement and exploration, and supports you to disclose if you’d like to take what’s on the screen into the bedroom.
However, it’s not a cure-all. If you think porn will fix your sexual relationship, I’d encourage you to think again. But if it’s to add experimentation to an already healthy and trusting relationship, you’ll likely get a more positive response.
Go on, just ask
So, how do you take that first step and suggest a couple’s viewing session? Pick your timing, keep it light, and make sure your reasons behind the idea are clear. Don’t interrogate your partner about her previous porn-watching; take a relaxed approach and go with something like, “Do you want to watch porn together sometime? We’ve never done that before and I’m kind of curious.” Be prepared for any response: she might be ecstatic, grossed out or totally unfazed. Whatever her reaction, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about your sex life in general, ask what she wants to try and explore possibilities.
She’s in: now what?
Scroll through categories on popular sites together. There is a gigantic range to suit any taste. If you’re nervous, start with something that’s not too full-on. For entry level porn watchers, refine your search with keywords such as amateur, couples, female friendly and softcore. When you’ve found a clip you like, get comfy in case things, er, kick off. If you’re using a laptop, put it at the end of the bed or on the couch and watch the videos on the big screen. Once you’ll get over the initial giggles, you’ll find you really enjoy yourselves.
It’s not for her?
Of course it’s fine to laugh when you’re watching porn – if only at the terrible acting. It’s meant to be fun, so try not to take it too seriously. But if you notice your partner is laughing because she’s uncomfortable, spare her the misery of continuing to watch it. You can let her know you are not enjoying it either, or just direct her attention elsewhere with something like, “Why don’t we switch this off so we can focus on each other?” Realize that porn is not for everyone, and especially so when you’re trying to match two sexual desires. Luckily, porn isn’t a requirement for great sex. If you’re not completely loving it, simple: switch off the TV and hit the sheets.
Have a sexy week,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. Watching porn together as a couple isn’t awkward, it’s fun! Plus, it’s great to be turned on in a different way, so don’t shy away of including porn in your bedroom activities.
On another note, if you want to learn advanced foreplay techniques, check out my video program on the matter – Dripping Wet Secrets.
