As far as sex goes, you guys have only two questions: Now? Why not now? These sum up every curiosity you’ve ever had, every mystery you’re yearned to unravel. Well, these are the only official questions. Unofficially, there are a few others that pertain to certain puzzles that have nagged at you since time commenced. So just what are your most burning bedroom riddles? Here are some of the questions that are likely simmering in your head right now, plus answers.
“She loves foreplay. My repertoire is a little limited and, honestly, foreplay’s not my favorite part of sex. Any new tricks I can surprise her with?”
If you tend to rush through foreplay, it’s because you don’t see it the same way women do. You’re ready for sex the moment you have an erection. Delaying intercourse when you have an erection and a willing woman nearby? That’s idiotic, according to your biological wiring. To you, foreplay has only one purpose: to get you craving penetration as quickly as possible, by warming you up and helping you lubricate. To make that happen, you may touch your partner the way you like to be touched sexually – you make a rush for the genitals. But women usually enjoy the lightest, feathery, teasing touches in areas that you don’t necessarily think of as erotic, such as the face, hair, neck and the sides of the body. My advice to you? Be playful! As long as you know that sex is coming eventually, making a game out of getting there can create a mind-blowing urgency – one that will soon make sex without foreplay seem dull by comparison.
“She can only climax when I give her oral. Is that normal?”
I get it. You like to see all of the effort and grit of intercourse culminate into something more than, well, your partner lovingly waiting to come. Your intentions are noble, it’s your understanding of female anatomy and arousal that’s lacking. You think that intercourse triggers orgasms for every woman out there, but actually most women need direct clitoral stimulation to get there. All you need is a little knowledge. Experiment with positions that may give her clit more sensation, and use a vibrator or your fingers during sex.
“Our lovemaking’s become routine. How can I get her to consider something new without having her freak out?”
You’re smart to be wondering about this: routines are dangerous to sexual relationships because they can mean you’ve stopped paying attention. Arousal and desire are all about attention. I know you have countless common sexual fantasies, and probably the number one things you want to try is anal. If she’s flatly not into it, tell her you’d like to have more sex in the doggie style position. A simulation is better than nothing, at least for starters. If among your other wishes you cite more oral sex, bondage play or having her dress provocatively and do a striptease, but you don’t know how to discuss them with your partner, start slow. I know you’re putting yourself on the line by asking this and probably feel pretty anxious, but you need to take your needs seriously, and who knows, she might even be into those as well. And remember, almost anything new – a different position, a different stroke of the tongue – can add a jolt when you’re in a rut. Just try something – anything.
“What is the most expert way to hit her alleged G-Spot?”
The G-Spot has been the best and worst thing ever to happen to men. It’s incredibly empowering for you to think there’s a magic button you can push to make her blow through the gates of ecstasy. And it’s infuriating and humiliating when you can’t find this damned button or make it work. Every literate man in the world has read directions on G-Spot stimulation at least 30 times: when she’s fully aroused, you’ll put your finger inside of her, press up toward her navel, and lightly stroke her back and forth in a come hither fashion. And then she’ll explode like an H-bomb. Right? Not necessarily. Just as many women won’t orgasm from intercourse alone, many women have a harder time responding to G-Spot stimulation. All I can say is that you’ve got to… keep trying.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. For more information on how to give your partner a great G-Spot orgasm, check out my program: G-Spot Orgasms Made Easy.
