“The orgasm is simply when the body does take over”– Betty Dodson
You like sex. It’s hardwired into your brain somewhere between your ability to wee standing up and your fear of commitment. You like it quick, slow, rushed, dirty, drunk and, sometimes, deceitful. You like it. Period.
The thing is, your penis is a fairly user-friendly device- with pepper spray being about the only thing that worries you. So, you sometimes forget that her lady bits work rather differently and you can lose touch with how she’s feeling during sex. Which kind of kisses her orgasm goodbye.
Therefore, since I know you could do with a couple of pointers in the bedroom, while I’m also aware that your girlfriend is too shy to tell you what she’d like, I set out on a mission of pleasure discovery, asking women what they’d want men to do to them when it comes to the ever-so-elusive orgasm. Here’s a seven steps learning sheath that you’ll need to learn by heart. I mean it.
- Get to know the clitoris. If you’ve been reading my books or this blog, you’ve probably figured out where the clitoris is. The problem is you’re likely stimulating just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine the clitoris as an eagle, perched at the top end of the vulva, with the shaft as the bird’s body and its wings spread to straddle both sides. These wings are made of erectile tissue, and pump full of blood when she’s aroused- just like your penis. There’s lots more to stimulate than just the pea-sized tip you’re used to, so start exploring.
- All you have to do is ask. Find out what really turns her on, what her fantasies are and what she’s curious about. Women can get embarrassed and don’t want to bruise your ego, but it’s crucial for you to know. Sometimes it’s as important to find out her turn-offs, too. Maybe those footy socks you wear to bed repel her, or that deodorant reminds her of her dad. Her answers might shock you, but they’ll lead to better sex and a stronger relationship.
- Talk the TALK. Be a master of verbal intercourse. Don’t just tell her you love her, tell her why. Explain the little everyday she does that make you smile. Tell her that her body is beautiful and that you’ve been thinking about her all day. Whisper into her ear during sex, and talk dirty if you think it is appropriate. If you engage her mind well enough, her body will soon follow.
- Make friends with her vibrator. Don’t think of it as a replacement, but rather, another tool for the job at hand. It can work really well when held up against her clitoris while you’re inside her, and if she’s finding it hard to climax, let her use it on herself while this is happening. The coolest thing a guy can do is ask if she can take her vibrator to bed with you.
- Have more foreplay. It might be stating the obvious, but it’s still not happening enough. A lot of men get used to the porn ideal that women want it fast, quick and easy- when it’s not the case. Find out her hot spots and take your time. Try kissing her neck, collarbone area, ears and inner thighs. Avoid going directly to the traditional fun zones and the wait really will be worth it.
- Stop her faking it. Make it clear that it won’t be an issue if she doesn’t orgasm. Remember, more that 50 percent of women can’t reach The Big O with penetration alone, so don’t take it personally. Touch her with lubed-up fingers and give her lots of good oral sex. Also, don’t ask her every five minutes if she came. Nothing is worse than being on the brink and you choosing that moment to pop back up and asking if it’s going to happen soon.
- Keep up the kisses. Not only do women like being kissed more than you, guys, but they place more importance on the way you are kissing them. The lips have heaps of nerve endings that stimulate her desire and keep her aroused. Passionate kisses also raise her blood pressure, get her excited and, ultimately, bring her closer to the promised land. And pay close attention to the central ridge of her upper lip- the ancient Greeks called this the most erogenous zone in the body for a reason. Oh, and remember, shoving your tongue down her throat was ok when you were 14, but so was collecting footy cards, and you’re not doing it anymore, are you?
Have a sweet and sensual week,
P.S. If you love her, most of these moves will come naturally, so it’s good to focus on the emotional aspects also. Keep communicating!