The tried and tested missionary formula often brings in boredom. While some may find this predictable pattern comfortable, others find it hard to peak with the same moves. So, what can you possibly do to turbocharge vanilla sex life into something more adrenalin-pumping?
I’ll tell you below, but first let me direct your attention to my friend Ronnie Chew’s program, Speak Her Sex Language, which explains in full and hot detail all the naughty little things that turn a woman on. Any woman. Every time.
But now let’s go back to our topic at hand, beating boredom in the sack. Let’s get started, shall we?
KNOW HER EROGENOUS ZONES
Does your partner orgasms more from clitoral stimulation or from vaginal penetration? If it’s the former, she is not alone. A study, published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 2015, shows that about 37 per cent of the women (aged between 18 and 94 years), need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm while about 18 per cent said that vaginal penetration was enough for them to climax. So, the first step to escaping vanilla sex is knowing your partner’s body and what kind of stimulation works for her. If vaginal penetration doesn’t make her come, find ways to incorporate clitoral stimulation in your lovemaking.
MAKE THE RIGHT ANGLE
You can try certain variations of the classic missionary position in order to achieve clitoral stimulation. You can go for the ‘male superior positions’ such as the coital alignment technique (CAT) and the butterfly position. This position’s primary focus is on clitoral stimulation, and one can even use it strategically for a combination of clitoral and penetrative stimulation. Taking the weightage away from penetrative thrusts, CAT entails vertical movements and rubbing of the clit. Alignment is the operative word here—your partner can lift her hips higher when you are penetrating her, in such a way that the penis can rub against the clit, thereby ensuring orgasm. You can use a pillow to position the hips at a comfortable angle of around 45 degrees to facilitate smoother pelvic movement against the clit.
ACE THE BUTTERFLY
This position can help you get over the boredom of missionary position. However, it requires some effort and stamina on part of both the partners. Face your partner and lift her till her bottom half is at the same level as yours. She should wrap her arms around you while you prop her up by tightly placing your hands beneath her hips. In other words, both of you should look like a butterfly in this formation. There can be a variation as well. If you don’t want so much physical exertion, sit while your partner faces you.
HAVE THAT CONVERSATION
Studies say that communication is of utmost importance if you want to get out of the boring sex rut. A 2016 study notes, “A relationship where sex was approached openly and appreciatively, promoted orgasms.” It adds that a lack of communication between partners about their sexual desires contributes to conditions such as anorgasmia (when women fail to orgasm despite ample stimulation). So, what are the key elements of effective sexual communication? Be specific about your preferences. It is perfectly natural to feel shy while requesting your partner for deviations from your regular sex routine. You might think that your companion will consider those requests weird or kinky. So start with something simple, and just remember there are no ‘fetishes’, only preferences.
SEX TOYS TO THE RESCUE
Believe it or not, sex toys can indeed be helpful if you want to radicalise your sex schedule. If you are looking for clitoral stimulation, use a vibrator during sex, provided you find the right device so as to not hamper intercourse. It’s a bit of trial and error. If you and your partner practise using a vibrator, stimulation through a vibrator during intercourse can prove to be a double bonanza. What’s more, if you want to make the missionary less staid, use cuffs, blindfolds, or both. The pleasure will be all yours.
AYE TO PERIOD SEX
Don’t be too dismissive about period sex. During your partner’s menstrual cycle, she would be assured of some extra lubrication, which in turn can raise her chances of orgasm. When the vagina is stimulated, the glands down there secrete fluid into the vaginal walls and this fluid, combined with menstrual blood, can make intercourse all the more enjoyable. In fact, trying out the missionary position when you are menstruating can be outrageously exciting and less messy. Just keep a towel underneath and some wipes handy. If you still feel a bit iffy, hop into the shower and just do it!
P.S. Making sex explosive and brand new even though you’re getting naked with the same woman for many years now is not impossible.