Over the years, researchers have tried to demystify women’s orgasms. One of the inferences from a plethora of studies conducted across the world is that no single, fail-safe factor can guarantee deeply erotic orgasms.
Instead, a 2017 study says there are a host of factors that help women attain the Big ‘O’; these include frequent oral sex sessions, sex marathons, a fulfilling relationship, compliments from one’s partner, clear communication from both partners regarding their sexual desires and fantasies, and stimulating conversations before and during sex.
So, how do we essentially deconstruct the female orgasm? First, we need to know what can possibly stop women from having orgasms. Research shows that several factors can be inhibiting in nature. A 2013 study, The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, says that around 75-90 per cent of women do not “consistently orgasm” during sex with a partner, while around 5-10 per cent do not orgasm at all. A lack of an open communication about one’s desires and fears seems to be a common obstacle.
In a 2017 study, Women’s Orgasm Obstacles: A Qualitative Study, researchers say, “…inability to talk about sexual activities with a spouse can be observed in women with orgasm problems.” The researchers further say that psychological factors such as introversion, emotional instability, not being adventurous, and sexual myths can be veritable hindrances too.
Before I go on and tell you what you have to do to help your partner experience more pleasure during intercourse, I have to tell you about this new program, the Butterfly Warm Up, by my friend Susan Bratton, a huge advocate for passionate relationships. It contains 5 different techniques to spice up your love life and help you partner open up more and enjoy herself like never before. It will help make sure your lady never loses her O again. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.
Now onto what’s stopping your girl from climaxing and what you can do about it.
Ask any sexologist and he or she will say that open communication between partners is the best way to resolve issues or overcome hurdles. And I agree: the key to helping women shed inhibitions about sex is communication. It’s a simple four-letter word—talk. Engage your partner in conversations about sexual likes and dislikes. It also ensures a catharsis of sorts, since with frank discussions, many hurdles can be crossed.
In the study The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties, researchers say that sexual myths or preconceived notions about sexual activities can have an impact too. For instance, a lot of men still feel that if women initiate sex, they might be more ‘experienced’ from other encounters before them, which is not looked upon well. Women, too, often fall for the age-old belief that initiating sex is un-feminine. Needless to say, these are preconceived notions. So, banish such outdated ideas; don’t be afraid of initiating sex and being in control of your pleasure.
Have her masturbate more
Believe it or not, masturbation can have a wholesome and long-lasting effect on a woman’s sex life. Experts say that masturbation can help women gain confidence about their bodies. It’s time women stop considering it a taboo. Female masturbation seems to be more hushed up than male masturbation. This again goes back to the idea that women do not know anything about their bodies, and sexual desires need to be inculcated in women through somebody else. Masturbation is essential for women because they know what pleases them the most. And that self-knowledge can lead to satisfying orgasms.
Focusing on the pivotal role played by the clitoris, a recent study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy tried to assess how heterosexual women liked their genitals to be touched and how it can help them achieve an orgasm. Essentially, the team of researchers wanted to find out precisely what types of genital touch made straight women climax. They looked at the points where the women polled liked to be touched, preferred intensity of pressure, style of motion (up-and-down or circular) and so on.
Interestingly, it was seen that most of the women (81.7 per cent) enjoyed “rhythmic” touching. Other popular patterns included a circular rubbing of clitoris (78.3 per cent), a varying intensity of pressure (75.8 per cent) and any kind of touch that delays pleasure (73.6 per cent). Sexologists say that touch is, of course, the language of lovemaking. The clitoris or the ‘love button’ is the female version of the head of penis. It is the site of the greatest nerve concentration and sexual pleasure. In some women, the clitoris becomes noticeably erect when excited and peeks out from under the clitoral hood formed by the joining of the inner vaginal lips. The clitoral hood is women’s version of ‘foreskin’; rubbing or caressing it gives rise to immense erotic pleasure as the area is highly vascular and increased lubrication causes secretions. The clit should be treated to predominantly gentle strokes; it shouldn’t be pinched or bitten or poked as that can cause hurt. A close but slightly oblique stimulation can be ensured by fingers, tongue, or vibrator on either side and on the clitoral hood.
It’s kind of a mini edge-of-the-seat thriller, with a delayed climax, during lovemaking! To put it simply, edging is all about controlling your partner’s orgasm. Try to help her reach a climactic point, then bring her back from that brink, and start all over again. Repeat this till she cannot hold it anymore and she has to absolutely orgasm, no matter what! Trust me, this ensures bigger, better orgasms. For starters, you can try practicing this together: masturbate in each other’s presence, and do not allow each other to climax. It’s fun. Plus, that way, you can be familiar with how your partner orgasms and how far you can go when you control it. So, what are you waiting for? Go, get busy!
P.S. I know you want your lady to have the time of her life when she’s in bed with you and you’ll try anything to make sure this becomes a reality every time you two have sex. That’s why I have to tell you about this new program, the Butterfly Warm Up, by my friend Susan Bratton. Her advice, though a bit risqué, will definitely deliver when it comes to making your intimate relationships more fulfilling for your woman and for yourself as well. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.