“Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.”
Men love to fantasize about anal sex! I think it’s because anal play seems very taboo, and therefore exotic. We all want what we can’t have, right?
But even if you’re into anal, you probably don’t think of it first when it comes to female orgasm. However, you might be surprised at your partner’s explosive response to anal play. Many women report that they experience mind-blowing orgasms when combining vaginal and anal play.
You’ll have to accept that she probably won’t agree at first, but if you slowly and gently introduce anal play into your lovemaking—with her permission, of course—she may come to love it. At the very least, the two of you can try something new to add variation to your sex life.
Anal Play Is Not the Same Thing as Anal Sex
Most people get stuck on the idea that anal stimulation is the same thing as anal sex. It’s not! Anal sex is penetration; anal play is more about tantalizing and teasing. The anus is surrounded with very sensitive nerve endings, which makes it an exciting erogenous zone. By stimulating this area, you’re increasing her pleasure in an unexpected way. Don’t press for anal sex the first time you introduce anal play into your lovemaking. Focus on pleasuring her, and then adding a little anal stimulation to make things exciting. If she doesn’t like it, stop immediately.
Oral Sex & Anal Stimulation
The best time to introduce anal play is while you’re giving her cunnilingus. As you bring her to a heightened state of arousal with your tongue, lightly circle the rim of her anus with your finger, stimulating all those nerve endings. If she seems responsive, use a little of her natural lubrication to moisten your finger, and then gently insert just the tip of it into her anus. Don’t move it any farther in unless she indicates she likes it. If so, try a gentle shunting motion. Your unexpected touch might send her over the edge.
Anal Stimulation & Vaginal Intercourse
Another way to introduce anal play is during vaginal intercourse. Use the same technique outlined above to gently arouse her by stimulating her anus. Although you won’t be able to make anal play work in every sexual position, rear-entry, woman-on-top and reverse cowgirl give you plenty of opportunities to partake in anal play. This technique is especially effective if she’s nearing orgasm. Remember to use only the tip of your finger, and don’t get too carried away!
Anal Stimulation & Sex Toys
You and your partner might prefer to experiment with anal sex toys during oral sex or intercourse. The extra bonus for her is that she’ll be able to enjoy vaginal and anal stimulation at once. Talk about it with your lady, and if she seems receptive, pick out a few different kinds of toys. You’ll have plenty to choose from—adult stores and etailers offer vibrating toys, insertable toys and toys that combine both forms of stimulation.
Never attempt anal intercourse without first discussing it with your partner. Although surprise can be fun and effective in many forms of love play, anal penetration is not one of them. If you try it without her permission, she’s likely to become very angry, and you’ll damage the trust she feels for you. As I’ve said time and again, if a woman doesn’t trust you, she probably won’t be able to experience an orgasm with you.
Talk to your partner about your desire for anal intercourse, explaining that you think it’s something she could enjoy, too. If she is willing to try it, make sure she feels safe and comfortable. If it’s her first time experiencing anal intercourse, she’s probably going to be nervous, so you’ll want to relax her first, perhaps with a deep body massage on top of the other foreplay you’ve done to get her in the mood. When she’s ready, go slow and use plenty of lubrication.
Some women do have orgasms from anal intercourse, possibly because the unseen portion of the clitoris extends far enough back to be stimulated by the thrusting of a penis in this area. However, you can help her along by reaching below her and massaging her clitoris or using a vibrator on her at the same time.
It’s important to remember two safety concerns regarding anal play. First, her anus produces no natural lubrication, so make sure you have a bottle of lube nearby so you don’t injure her. Also, once you’ve penetrated her with a finger, a toy or your penis, don’t put it back into her vagina or you’ll risk exposing her to bacteria. If you use toys, don’t interchange them between her anus and vagina, and always wash them thoroughly before storing them.