In short: Go slowly and work from the outside in: kiss her thighs and outer lips, use warm breath, then circle the clitoris with a soft, flat tongue before any direct pressure. Once she responds, keep the same steady rhythm instead of speeding up, add your hands or a finger if she likes it, and ask her what feels best.
There is no bigger bedroom blunder for a woman than when a man doesn’t know how to go down on her properly. That’s because cunnilingus is simply amazing. So when a man just clearly has no idea what he’s doing down there, it really is disappointing for a woman. Nobody wants to be that man, but unfortunately, knowing how to go down on a woman isn’t exactly part of our sex education curriculum. (Though, it should be.) Fortunately, performing cunnilingus is a skill where you can totally up your game, whether you’re new to it or are a vagina-eating veteran. Yep, there is always room for improvement.
Here are the pointers to practice.
The first step to being amazing at performing cunnilingus is to familiarize yourself with the female anatomy. I mean, you’re not going to win any battle without first understanding the terrain. But let’s assume you know where all the hotspots are (after all, you’ve been reading my blog for a while now) and want to know how to take your techniques to the next level. Well, in that case, here’s what you have to do to earn yourself an enthusiastic thumbs up for going down.
01Slow it down
The first thing you want to do when you’re going down is to… slow it down. After all, it’s an orgasm, not a race. Most of us move more quickly than we intend to when we’re excited, nervous and aroused. Whatever your inclination is with regard to speed, cut it in half and then cut it in half again. Trust me!
02Build anticipation
When you’re turned on, you might be tempted to rush to the finale, but you’re only selling her short. Create delicious tension by slowly turning up the heat. Don’t make the mistake of rushing and going straight for the goods. Instead, build anticipation by touching, caressing, feeling, licking, kissing, and breathing all over her body — slowly. Make her wait to intensify the impact once she finally gets what she’s begging for.
03Use your breath
Most of us overlook one of the best weapons in our sexual arsenal: our breath. Not sure what that means? To use your breath to its greatest and most pleasurable potential, control its temperature by exhaling slowly with a wide-open mouth to release warm air or pursing your lips and breathing gently to release cool air. Once you’ve mastered that technique, lick a line from the fourchette (the fork in the road where her lips meet at the very bottom of the vulva) to the head of the clit at the top — slowly — and then breath subtle, warm air over the wet path you’ve created.
04Circle it good
Once you’ve built up the anticipation and driven your partner wild with your breath, don’t blow it with poor clitoral technique. While everyone’s vagina is different, you don’t want to begin with a full-frontal assault. In translation, don’t press it like an elevator button! Instead, continue teasing by slowly circling your tongue around it to tease and tantalize before pressing your flat, wide tongue against it gently to allow the pressure to build.
05Pulse for her pleasure
When your partner climaxes, they will experience pleasurable contractions that begin in the pelvic area and radiate out. Give her a helping hand to heighten her pleasure: press a wide, flat surface (for example, your tongue, the palm of your hand, or a flat, vibrating toy) against the length of her vulva or the head of her clitoris and pulse gently.
06Keep an open dialogue
If you really want to blow her mind, you need to know what works for your partner, so don’t be afraid to ask for feedback. You may be capable of making miracles in the bedroom, but you don’t have to be a mind reader. Ask simple yes or no questions while you learn what works best for her, as well as watching for the non-verbal cues, like the rhythm of her hips.
If all of this sounds like a lot of work, well, yeah, it can be. But anything worth doing in the bedroom is worth doing well.
07Work from the outside in
Your goal when going down on her is not necessarily the destination, but rather, the journey. When it comes to how to go down on a woman, take your time getting to your final destination. Many men enjoy an oral experience that includes some attention to the perineum, the scrotum, and the shaft — not just the head. So, it makes sense that women would also enjoy a comprehensive and varied experience.
It’s not difficult to learn how to perform cunnilingus from the outside in. Start by kissing the sensitive skin of her stomach and inner thighs before licking and kissing around the fourchette and vulva. Slowly make your way up around the clitoral hood before circling around to the clitoris, and you’ll build tantalizing tension that she’ll love.
08Use everything you have
Some guys don’t know how to go down on a woman other than using their tongue which, let’s be honest, can be tiring after a while. You’re in for a treat when you realize that the best ways to go down on a woman include using practically anything at your disposal, if she’s game.
Use all that you’ve got to make sensual contact with her pleasure zones. You can get creative with your lips, tongue, nose, chin, facial hair, hands, toys — the options are endless! One of the first and most important cunnilingus tips anyone can learn is that sometimes, nothing is sexier than a little creativity.
09Keep her guessing
Variety is the spice of life, so take this message to heart when going down on a woman. No one wants the same motions over and over again, so keep it sexy and unpredictable. When you switch up your technique, you keep her guessing and on the edge of her seat — maybe even literally, depending on where you’re doing the deed!
Different speeds, intensities, and motions can trigger all kinds of sensations. However, keep in mind that when you start to see signs that she’s approaching a climax, keep it consistent and speed it up slightly to bring her over the finish line.
Even if one particular move hits the spot (so to speak), others can still add to the overall experience and keep your routine from becoming… well, routine. Understanding how to give cunnilingus that blows her mind is both an art and a science, and spontaneity will keep things exciting.
10Coordinated stimulation
For some women, a single source of stimulation isn’t enough. Instead, try coordinating movements. For example, if she’s laying on her back, reach up and use your hands to massage her breasts or your thumbs to gently stimulate her nipples. You can lightly run your fingers up and down her torso and thighs for added sensations and foreplay. Want to really impress her? Wrap your arms around her legs to lift her pelvis into different positions and squeeze her thighs as you use your mouth to drive her wild.
Keep in mind that oral sex isn’t limited to just your mouth. Use your fingers to stimulate her G spot while you flick your tongue across her clit for an earth-shattering orgasm. You can also bring products like dildos or vibrators into the equation.
Note that for some women, clitoral stimulation is enough, and adding more could feel overwhelming. Other women appreciate additional touching and sensation during oral sex. When figuring out how to go down on a girl, make sure to check in frequently so you know what’s working for her.
Learning how to go down on a woman isn’t a one-and-done undertaking. When it comes to the best cunnilingus techniques, you’ll find that every woman is unique and likes different things. In other words, you may have to relearn how to go down on a woman to some degree with every new partner. Having a range of cunnilingus techniques in your arsenal can help you better pleasure any partner that comes into your life.
Hot kisses,Gabrielle MooreThe voice of Naked U · Who we are
