“It’s wonderful to be in love. And it’s definitely wonderful to cuddle and have sex and get to experience life with somebody.” – Leighton Meester
Whether you’re newly dating or together forever, here’s how to keep it fun and sexy.
Just started dating?
Ah, that new-car smell. So fresh and unknown. The downside is you haven’t yet fully figured out each other’s mechanics. Even if the sex is more frequent than Two and a Half Men reruns, there is room for improvement.
1. Set a precedent and make sure she comes first. Women often focus on their guy’s orgasm and treat themselves as an afterthought. Since us humans are creatures of habit, doing the reverse is more likely to pay off in the long run.
2. To alleviate any awkwardness, ask your new partner what she likes in bed. After she tells you what works, she will feel comfortable telling you the same. Soon you will shift your techniques towards each other so sex will definitely be amazing. It will bring you closer too.
3. Ask “What’s something you’ve never done in bed but want to try?” That way, whatever you do won’t get compared to an ex.
4. Have a go-to position that you feel more comfortable with. For example, girl on top, with your partner leaning back and grabbing your ankles. It’s flattering for the woman – flat abs, perky boobs – so she can relax and enjoy herself, and not get obsessed about her flaws. And you’ll have the benefit of standing there and letting her command the pace of it all. Orgasm guaranteed!
Congrats! You hit one year.
Comfortable: Good when it comes to underwear, not so much when it comes to sex. The excitement has worn off, and according to experts, your desire to impress your partner may be diminishing too. Make that comfort work to your advantage by changing things up.
1. Remind her of a time she rocked your world in bed: “Remember our first holiday together, when you did X? That felt so amazing!” She will take it as a challenge.
2. Take up yoga, you will get really flexible in bed. Suddenly you and your partner will be able to do things you had never been able to try before.
3. Start doing orgasm challenges: set a timer and race to see which of you can make the other orgasm faster.
4. Mix things up by trying out fun things you’ve seen in steamy sex scenes at the movies. They key is in keeping things playful.
5. Take a class at a sex shop. It will help you feel comfortable about doing it without feeling weird, and you will learn new moves.
6. Get a copy of your favorite sex novel and highlight the parts that turn you on, and get your partner to do the same. Then try them on yourselves.
Wait… what if you’re long distance?
Pros: When you see each other, it’s go time. Cons: Those long stretches in between and attempting phone sex when you feel ridiculous describing your penis and what you’re doing to it.
1. Learn to talk dirty – draw inspiration from books or movies. A few strategic words can create greater sexual intensity than a physical touch or technique.
2. Get ready for a phone date just the same way as you would get ready for a real date, so you’re feeling sexy and confident.
3. Swear by bath sex! Put your partner on speaker and leave your phone near the tub, then get into the water and do your thing.
4. Have your partner wear vibrating undies then text her instructions – high speed, low speed and so on. Even though you are thousands of kilometers apart, that way you can still give her pleasure.
5. Start off with texts – “Wish you were naked in bed right now” – then talk dirty on the phone. By then, you’d be ready to Skype. You can both do your thing while the other one watches. Hot.
You’re shacked up or married
You’re both playing a lot of roles in the relationship – and not the sexy nurse/patient kind. More like roommates, financial partners, wedding planners or co-parents… all scenarios that put sex on the backburner. Creating some distance might seem counter-intuitive, but it will help to reignite your curiosity and fight the routine.
1. Break up the blindfold, but use it on you, not her. It will heighten your other senses and reinforce a sense of curiosity about her body – something that’s often lost after you’ve seen your partner naked a thousand times.
2. Once a month brainstorm something you’ve never tried, and do it. I know couples of 40 years that say they’ve been together for so long because they just kept getting kinkier.
3. If your life turned into one errand after another, start assigning sex to errands. For example, you going down on her equals grocery shopping.
4. Role-play, but start when you walk in the front door. Couples tend to recap their days to each other (which is not exactly sexy), and it’s difficult to then transition into sex after you’ve vented. Coming home as ‘someone else’ nips that in the bud.
Have a sexy week,
P.S. No matter how long have you been together, sex can always feel fresh and new if you know what to do to each other.