After the release of the book series 50 Shades of Grey and the movie release, many men and women who otherwise knew very little about BDSM had their interest peaked. Before this, BDSM was something that many people either knew absolutely nothing about or they had very low opinions about it (many times because they knew nothing about it!). Whether or not 50 Shades is an accurate or healthy portrayal of BDSM is another debate, but one thing is for sure, more couples are showing interest in introducing some kink into their sexual relationships. That’s where I come in. If you knew nothing about BDSM before, it’s time to learn a little before throwing yourself in head first. What might seem like a kinky free for all, is actually nothing of the sort. Couples and individuals who practice BDSM are often more sexually responsible than their non-kinky counterparts because they have to be. The rules have to be set and clear in order for people to trust in their partner and enjoy themselves. Here’s how to get started:
*Remember that* 50 Shades and other forms of erotica or pornography are fiction. Because they are fiction, the writer needs to make the story more interesting and exciting to the reader. Often times being responsible is not a sexy part of erotica, so it just gets left out, or assumed.
Communication and Trust – In true BDSM communication and trust are absolute essentials. For example, during play a couple might decide that the word “no” doesn’t actually mean no, but in order to agree on this safely, the couple will use a safe word (or another word that means stop or no that they can use if things are getting too intense). They will also have outlined what they are okay with and what they are not okay with before starting. For example, one person is okay with spanking, but not okay with whipping. If one person is not okay with something that the other person is okay with, it automatically is eliminated from the play.
Submissive doesn’t mean weak – Many people who know nothing of BDSM think that the submissive person in a dominant/submissive relationship is the weak person. That actually isn’t true at all. A submissive just gets off on giving up their control to a trusted partner for a period of time that is well mapped out by the couple. Some submissives could be the toughest, most no-nonsense people you know. That might even be why giving up the control is so sexy!
Take it slow – Start with a few things that interest you and don’t feel the need to jump into the deep end. Do your research about BDSM on reliable websites in order to learn how it really works. Experiment with your partner and then communicate about what you like and don’t like. If you’re both new to it then you will need to do a lot of communicating to make sure both of you are happy and comfortable with what is happening.
BDSM relationships are not what you might think – From the outside you might think that a BDSM relationship is not loving and movies like 50 Shades don’t help to portray those relationships accurately. The truth is that those relationships can be extremely loving but they don’t necessarily have to be either. Some people engage in a BDSM relationship that are not in love too.
There is a lot to learn – There is a lot to BDSM play and there is a lot of information out there on the internet. There are websites, books and programs from people who know their stuff and are eager to teach those who want to learn. Make sure you do your research and learn, not only what BDSM is all about, but also about how to safely do different acts and use certain toys and tools.
Start with… If you’re completely new to kink, try some of these toys:
* silk scarves – You can use these to slide over and tickle her body, then use them to tie her wrists together or her wrists and ankles to the bed posts.
* spanking paddle – There are many kinds of paddles out there. Choose something more modest in the beginning and give her light spankings and rub and massage the spot after each spank.
* blindfold – increase her arousal and sensation by using one of those silk scarves to blindfold her.
Have fun!
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. For an in-depth guide on how to be a dominant lover, click here to check out my program – The Alpha Lover. It contains crucial information on how to awaken your masculinity and become a strong sexual presence in the bedroom.
