“The mistake the two of us made, I said, was that we skimped the foreplay. I’m not blaming you, it was as much my fault as yours, but it was a fault nonetheless.” – J. M. Coetzee
Orgasms. Unlike some of life’s greatest pleasures, you simply can’t have too much of a good thing. Orgasmic sex is one of those rare activities that’s both extremely pleasurable and healthy. Allow me to take you on an alphabetized tour of foreplay and getting off. An O-worthy odyssey starts here and it’s X-rated, obviously.
This spring veg has a hidden power: it can help both men and women reach orgasm. It contains folic acid, which boosts arousal and helps histamine production (essential for an orgasm).
According to researchers from the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, regular orgasms give you a youthful glow. Their study found that couples who make love three times a week look seven years younger than their less satisfied counterparts.
If she’s not quite feeling it, you can help her get in the mood. Have a cup of warm tea with honey. The caffeine gives both of you extra energy so you won’t run out of steam, and the honey boosts testosterone level, which promotes orgasm in women.
If she can’t reach climax without clitoral stimulation, don’t be shy about asking your partner to show you how it’s done. Men find it incredibly arousing to see a woman pleasuring herself, and all the more so if you’re enjoying some action at the same time.
The more you orgasm the easier it gets – but you need to keep mixing it up. So, think about it like this, whether it takes some “cliterature”, massage oil or a picture of Megan Fox, you owe it to yourself to do what you need to get in the zone and take your partner with you for the ride.
In research, almost all men say they’d be distressed to find out their partner didn’t orgasm regularly. So why have 60 per cent of women faked it at some point? Seeing the ecstasy they can give their partner is a huge part of sex for women. If you’re not sure her moaning was genuine, take her for a second run, she’ll silently (or not!) thank you for it.
Get to know her body
Use a mirror to see where her clitoris is. If it’s close to her vaginal opening, try it doggie style. If it’s tucked in between her pubic bone and vaginal opening, try missionary with a pillow under her bottom to puss it towards your pubic bone, or she can go on top, which stimulates a larger area.
It’s a clichéd reason for avoiding sex, but an orgasm can be just what the doctor ordered. One study found that women’s pain tolerance increased by as much as 100 per cent after climax.
There’s a wealth of toys available that aren’t designed to be enjoyed solo. The S-Wet Dual Control Egg offers G-spot and clitoral stimulation, but puts you in control of the device and the pleasure that comes with it, so get your head in the game!
Jump on top
The best orgasms are ones when all your senses are engaged. Studies have found that when she’s lying down all her buttons are pressed on, so climb on top for some guaranteed pleasure.
Know the facts
Only a quarter of women always climax during sex with a partner, compared with 90 per cent of men who claim to orgasm 100 per cent of the time. If climax through penetration doesn’t do it for her, make sure she still gets hers – whether she comes first or last is up to you.
Research has found wearing two-inch heels improves the strength of her pelvic-floor muscles, which in turn helps her orgasm. Why not ask her to keep them on for the main event?
If your orgasm quest is proving elusive, keep at it until she finally reaches what she wants. Marilyn Monroe reputedly didn’t have her first orgasm until she was in her thirties.
Two docs set up an experiment monitoring how often people could orgasm. The most female orgasms recorded was 134 in an hour, which is just over two orgasms per minute! The most recorded in an hour for a man? Just 16. Poor things.
The ultimate prize in Orgasmville is a multiple- and oral is your best route. Flick your tongue around her clitoris while stimulating her inside with either your fingers or a vibrator. The dual sensation will make her fill up with pleasure. When she’s come the first time, let the waves subside for a couple of minutes. Then – just when you would usually be relaxing into a blissful sleep – start up over again. She’ll be sensitive from before, so go a little gently.
The body gets used to its route to orgasm – so masturbation without penetration can make an orgasm during sex tricky. Have her masturbate while you’re present and penetrate her while she’s doing it. Practice that way and you’ll find orgasming during sex easier.
The CAT (coital alignment technique) position is a quick way to orgasm. Lie on top with your pubic region pressed against hers, so you can rock together. Instead of moving in and out, grind against her, which creates extra friction on her clitoris.
When she’s stressed about work, an orgasm is the last thing on her mind. Orgasms release stress, they up her heart rate, and blood rushes around her body. But when the tension is released, blood pressure falls and she’s left basking in the afterglow.
I’d gone several months without what I call a “big loud orgasm”. I was stressed and overworked, and just didn’t have the energy. So one afternoon I turned off my phone and settled in for some serious self love. The first orgasm was nice, but it took another round for me to get my full release. Taking time out for her orgasm is totally worth it.
Turn off the TV
Research has shown that couples who don’t have a TV in their bedroom have 50 per cent more sex than those who’ve got one overlooking the bed.
Understand her feelings
Women who are more in tune emotionally with their partners have more orgasms. To boost your emotional connection, spend quality time talking about your relationship. The more at ease you are with each other, the more relaxed you’ll be in the bedroom.
Gabi hadn’t achieved orgasm until I suggested a vibrating ring. It changed her life. “I had no idea that my clitoris wasn’t being stimulated during sex; I wasn’t even sure where my clitoris was.” Want to give it a go? Try one to target her clitoris directly.
A study found that 30 per cent more women could orgasm if they kept their socks on. Er… sexy! This is a result of being comfortably warm, so blood circulates more easily.
Yep, that’s kissing (X is a tricky letter, OK?). Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of your fingers.
Some yoga fanatics claim that, mid yoga session, they’ve experienced an orgasm triggered without any sort stimulation or touching involved.
Orgasms are one of the very best sleep aids out there. It’s a full release of built-up tension. Plus, the brain releases chemicals that make you feel sleepy, too.
Have a splendid week,
P.S. Reacquainting yourself with the alphabet, Gabrielle Moore style, is more fun than you would have thought, am I right? To find out the secret techniques on how to get her dripping and soaking wet at will, check out my video program on the matter – Dripping Wet Secrets.