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The Foreplay Every Adult Has Quietly Forgotten How to Do
You did this in high school. In the back of a car, in a basement, at a party, on someone’s couch — fully clothed, for hours, with more heat generated per minute than you’ve probably managed at any point since you got a bedroom of your own.
You called it making out. You did not, at the time, understand that it was, mechanically, one of the most efficient forms of foreplay you would ever have access to.
You have almost certainly stopped doing it.
Somewhere in your twenties, clothing became something to get past quickly. Foreplay became a short bridge between the kissing and the sex. The dry-humping build-up that had produced almost every intense makeout of your teenage years got quietly filed under “things kids do before they know better.”
It is not a thing kids do before they know better.
It is the single most under-used foreplay technique available to any adult in a long-term sexual relationship, and reintroducing it into your rotation produces arousal in your partner that no amount of skilled skin-on-skin technique quite reaches.
The Move
Here is what you do.
Do not undress her. Do not touch her under her clothes. Do not remove a single item.
Sit down on the couch, or the bed, or a chair — somewhere with a stable surface — and pull her onto your lap, facing you. Fully clothed. Her legs straddling yours.
Kiss her. Slowly. Not the racing-toward-something kiss most adult foreplay defaults to. The teenage kind — deliberate, unhurried, no next step planned.
As you kiss her, begin to move your hips.
Small, slow, deliberate motion. Pushing up against her through the fabric. She will start to move in response — grinding down against you, small at first, then bigger.
Do not remove any clothes.
Do not slide a hand up her shirt. Do not undo any zippers. Every part of both of you stays exactly where it started.
You will do this for twenty minutes.
Why This Works More Than It Should
The reason the fully-clothed grind produces the response it does is the same reason every under-taught foreplay technique in this catalogue works.
Anticipation.
The fabric between you creates a barrier her nervous system cannot cross. Every point of contact — the pressure of you against her through her jeans, the friction of her clothing against her skin as she moves, the pulse of your body against hers with a layer between — is registered as sensation-with-obstacle.
Her arousal, at this point, has one direction to build. Contained arousal, unable to spend itself in direct contact, keeps compounding.
By minute ten, she is soaked through her underwear.
By minute fifteen, through her jeans if she is wearing them.
By minute twenty, she is in a state of physical readiness that no fifteen-minute session of nude foreplay could have produced — because nude foreplay allows her arousal to resolve too quickly into direct sensation, and resolved arousal stops building.
I walk through the full physiology inside Dripping Wet Secrets.
The One Detail That Makes This Work
There is one specific thing you have to resist during the grind.
The moment she starts making the sounds that would normally tell you she is ready for you to escalate — the soft moans, the arched back, the hand tugging at your shirt — do nothing.
Do not escalate.
Do not slide a hand under her waistband. Do not start unbuttoning her shirt. Do not read her arousal as an invitation to progress to the next thing.
The arousal she is showing you is the reward, not the request. She is telling you the technique is working. Escalating would end the technique.
Stay in the grind. Kiss her deeper. Move your hips slightly slower, slightly harder. Sustain the barrier.
By the time you finally do escalate — twenty minutes in, when you have decided it is time — the arousal she has been unable to spend has stacked into a physical state substantially past anything you have gotten to before.
What Happens When You Finally Escalate
The undressing that follows a twenty-minute grind is not the same as the undressing that follows five minutes of kissing.
Every item of clothing you finally remove has been queued for twenty minutes as the thing standing between her and what she has been waiting for. Her body registers each removal as a small event — the release of a specific piece of the barrier she has been arousing herself against.
By the time she is naked, she is not at the beginning of arousal.
She is well past the middle of it.
And the sex that follows a properly-executed grind is often described, by both partners, as some of the most immediately intense they’ve had in months — not because the sex itself was different, but because the foreplay had done substantially more of the work than either of them expected.
Click here to start Dripping Wet Secrets and learn the grind.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
Sex Expert & Author of Naked U
