What sex therapists wish you knew

What sex therapists wish you knew

“I need more sex, ok? Before I die, I want to taste everyone in the world.” – Angelina Jolie

Despite the ladies from mega ‘90s girl bad Salt-N-Pepa encouraging us to talk about sex all those years ago, it seems most of us still stress about what happens in the bedroom. So I rounded up the biggest erotic questions still left unanswered in most guy’s agendas and tackled them. No secrets after reading this piece.

  1. “My girlfriend watches a lot of porn – is that normal for women?

There are many reasons why a woman might watch porn – she finds it arousing, she’s curious, she uses it to get off or just because she can. Who said women aren’t allowed to watch porn? You need to determine if the amount of porn she’s watching has a negative impact on your relationship and if she’s using it as a replacement for having sex with you. If not, don’t stress; she can watch all the porn she wants, as long as it’s you she’s coming home to. If you think she has an addiction, you need to go about it carefully. Make sure you don’t accuse or scold and be very cautious about using the word ‘addiction’ as this is a sensitive topic. You need to help her see it’s a problem before you try and solve it or seek professional help.

  1. “How much sex are other couples having?”

People’s sex lives ebb and flow around life circumstances like work, children or illness. The amount of sex that a couple has drops off after the ‘honeymoon period’ (anywhere from six months to two years). A recent study revealed that couples in long-term relationships were having sex about five times a month, and it’s a pretty scary number if you ask me. But don’t worry about other, worry only about what’s happening in your love life.

  1. “How can I ask for what I really want?”

The best time to tell your partner how you prefer to be pleasured is when it’s happening. Say, ‘I love the way you do that, especially when you go slower/faster”, or whatever it is that you prefer. We all feel vulnerable about our sexual performance, so always frame things positively. Ask your partner to touch your genitals and tell her that feels good as she’s exploring you. Most women want to find out what works for you, and they appreciate knowing what they’re doing right and how to do it better.

  1. “Is it okay to masturbate if I’m in a relationship?”

We all have varying sexual requirements. One partner may want sex every day and the other person may want it once or twice a week, so it makes sense for the first partner to self-pleasure. It’s also healthy to masturbate to get to know your own body and what stimulates it, and to understand how to respond to your own pleasuring. That way, when you’re with your partner, you can guide them to hit spots that they may not otherwise think to do.

  1. “Should we get a vibrator?”

Men and women shouldn’t be embarrassed to bring sex toys into the bedroom for both solo play and sex with a partner. Look for toys from reputable companies that are body-safe and made from 100 per cent silicone, 100 per cent elastomer or food-grade vinyl. A great option for couples is the We-Vibe 3, the most popular couple’s vibrator, which is worn while making love to provide intense pleasure for both you and her. The only downside of frequent vibrator use is that because your orgasms come so quickly, you may lose patience with your partner. Mix up your masturbation routine to teach your body new tricks.

Have a hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. When it comes to women, they’re mostly worried about low libido and not being able to orgasm during sex. Help her by putting her pleasure first. Check out my program on the matter – Squirting Orgasms Shortcuts!

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