It’s perfectly normal for a woman to experience dips in her libido. These are due to lack of sleep, fluctuating hormones, stressful situations, exhaustion and physical or emotional health. Many women feel too tired for sex or have times when their sex drive is low. Experiencing less interest in sex might also be due to boredom in the bedroom. Luckily, you can turn this around to your advantage with just a couple of really simple tricks. Check them out and restart her passion drive tonight!
1. Focus on pleasure, not penetration
Pleasure doesn’t always have to mean (or lead to) penetrative sex. There may be times when she doesn’t really feel like having sex – but it’s important to focus on the things that she finds pleasurable and her appetite might appear. These may be kissing, lying in bed naked together or even giving or receiving oral sex.
2. Keep it fresh
Couples in long-term relationships may find that they need to be a little more creative when it comes to how you have sex. Sex stagnates in long-term relationships. You end up doing the same routine month after month – around seven minutes, twice a week, in the same position. You have to work at sex with your partner to keep things fresh. I recommend doing something special once a week to take on the mindset you had when you were first dating. Try anything just as long as you’re both comfortable with it. Here’s one activity that can be a lot of fun: sucking your partners’ toes. Most people will cringe at it, but once you get past the initial idea it can be a highly sexual experience because your feet are an erogenous zone.
3. Don’t shy away from sex toys
Sex toys can add a whole new dimension to your relationship and are a great way to spice things up and add variety to the bedroom. My advice is to start small and work your way up. Slimmer vibrators are perfect for those new to sex toys and ones with rabbit ears provide dual stimulation of both the clitoris and the G-spot. For a slightly more experienced user, I recommend wand massagers – they are one of the fastest growing sex toy categories, rivalling traditional vibrators in popularity. They give powerful vibrations and many women report more intense orgasms using them.
4. Use sexual fantasies to your advantage
Sexual fantasies are really important. A lot of people feel that the only way they should experience desire is from their partner. If your partner thinks it’s somehow dishonest or disloyal if she’s relying on a fantasy or masturbating before she goes to bed to feel more aroused, make sure you tell her it’s completely ok. If this increases her desire and she enjoys it, she should do it. If she needs more prompting, I recommend reading some erotic literature to get you both in the mood. I’ve always been a huge fan of erotic books, and the stories are not only for entertainment, they can also give you some great ideas for what you and your other half can get up to.
5. Adjust her diet (and yours!)
Diet is incredibly important when it comes to maintaining your sex drive. Good fats (unsaturated fats), for example oily fish, nuts and seeds, are important for boosting libido because sex hormones (such as testosterone) are manufactured from these foods. Also, fats will also help to keep tissues like the vagina lubricated and soft. Also, oysters contain good amounts of zinc, which is important for the production of sex hormones, hence the old wives’ tale of using oysters as an aphrodisiac. Good quality protein is important as it contains L-arginine, an amino acid that’s needed by the body to make nitric oxide, a compound that helps blood circulation in those areas, which are important for a healthy sex life.
6. Don’t judge your partner
It’s important to let your partner know that there’s no right amount of sex that you should be having, whether you want it twice a day or once a month. Remind her that most of us are not having orgasmic sex all the time. It doesn’t matter how often you do it, but if you like it. After all very few individuals have consistently great sex. Most of us bumble through with a mix of outrageously grand sessions, ordinary shags and the odd highly embarrassing incident. Even couples who rate their sex life as fantastic admit only two to three sessions out of every 10 are sheet-grabbing material. Push yourselves when things are good, but be kind and forgiving when things aren’t.
P.S. For more juicy tips on how to recharge your lady’s libido, check out my program on the matter, Flesh on Flesh.