In order to understand what orgasms are and how you can best enjoy them, it is useful to understand what they are not. Chances are you have been exposed to all kinds of myths about sex and orgasm since you were a child. These myths have caused a lot of pain and confusion for some people.
Ridding yourself of any limiting or false beliefs or attitudes about orgasms is truly the first step on your path to enriched orgasmic experiences. If a belief is engrained or embedded into your psyche, it may take some time and experience to undo it, but it is a worthwhile journey. Here are some more common myths that may be limiting your enjoyment of orgasm in some way.
But before I go into the thorny topic of orgasm myths, let me guide to a new and very much enjoyable type of orgasm you can shower your partner with – the Breast Orgasm! Check out my program on the matter – Boobgasms – and you’ll discover that her girls really are the ticket to one really intense climax!
Vaginal intercourse or penetration is the only real route to orgasm.
One of my patients once noted, “I used to be really upset when I couldn’t make my partner reach orgasm with just vaginal intercourse. I thought that if my penis was in and doing the right thing that I should make her orgasm and if I didn’t I failed. I thought that if I had to use my hands to stimulate the clitoris while I was having sex that I was cheating or something. I have long lost this notion and currently use my hands all the time, no matter where my penis is.” The truth is that there are very clearly many routes to orgasm – vaginal penetration is not the sole ticket to orgasm. Men and women both can enjoy orgasms by engaging in numerous kinds of sexual behavior, and some women do prefer hands and mouths better and that’s ok. There is “no proven better or more appropriate way to achieve orgasm.
Orgasms can only last a few seconds.
There are many different kinds of orgasms and orgasmic experiences that vary in intensity and duration. Some orgasmic states and experiences can last much longer than a few seconds.
Orgasms should all be “earth shaking.”
Every orgasm has the potential to be meaningful and pleasurable, regardless of its intensity. Some are mellow, some are quiet, some are short, some are profound, some are loud, and some are long. Great or small, each one should be considered a gift.
Women can’t orgasm as much as men.
It is true that women often have a more difficult time finding their way to orgasm, at least initially; however, once they do, their access to multiple orgasms is much greater than men’s. In fact, women on the whole are capable of being much more orgasmic than men.
Clitoral orgasms are immature and inferior to vaginal orgasms.
There is no such thing as an immature or inferior orgasm! The quality of your orgasm is not solely a factor of what is being stimulated. In fact, the intensity of orgasm is much more a factor of how open you are to receiving pleasure in whatever form it is administered.
Orgasms are the goal of sex.
As amazing as orgasms are, there is no reason why sex has to include orgasmic release. Sex can be very pleasurable, ecstatic, and meaningful without culminating in an orgasm.
Orgasm in men is always accompanied by ejaculation.
Men are capable of having an orgasm without ejaculation. Some men learn by chance to separate orgasm and ejaculation. Others can learn with practice.
Orgasms that include ejaculation will deplete your energy.
There are some belief systems that purport that a man’s life energy is depleted when he ejaculates. Some men may find this to be true, but there are many men who ejaculate frequently who do not find that it depletes their energy in any way. In fact, some men find that it keeps them vital.
If you self-pleasure you will lose desire or interest in being with.
Just because you are capable of providing yourself with orgasms does not mean you will lose interest in being with a lover. The need for intimacy and connection with another cannot be met by being alone. Also the experience of orgasm with a lover can be a very different experience than what you experience when you are by yourself.
A man is responsible for helping a woman achieve orgasm.
Some men feel like they are failures if they do not provide their female lover with an orgasm. Because women’s orgasmic responses are so unique and complex, it is important that they ultimately take responsibility for their own orgasm. Your desire and willingness to learn how to help provide an orgasm should be appreciated but not expected.
You shouldn’t have to use your hands to achieve or provide an orgasm.
The idea that using your hands to assist in or achieve an orgasm is somehow cheating or wrong should definitely be thrown out the window. All that matters is whatever feels good and whatever works.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. It’s true, you should believe everything you hear or read, especially when it comes to sex and orgasms. But do believe this: there is one type of orgasm that you should put on your erotic menu as soon as possible: the breast climax. Check out my program – Boobgasms – and start playing with her boobs in new and unexpected ways.
