Sex not as much fun any more because she’s worried if she’s doing it right… or if you’re liking it enough? Don’t let such these fears of hers play spoilsport.
When it comes to sex, performance anxiety has pretty much always been labelled a guy thing. (‘Dude, can you get it up, keep it up, and rock her world?’). It is a lot of pressure. But the truth is, women suffer from similar bedroom hang-ups. In fact, according recent studies, female performance anxiety, or FPA, has always existed. And it can mess with desire, and rob women of satisfying sexual experiences.
FPA manifests from the same place as men’s—it’s the fear of not being good enough. Common causes include a woman’s worries about what she looks like naked, what she smells or tastes like ‘down there’, whether she’s having sex ‘right’, and if she’s pleasing her partner. Then there’s the biggie: stressing about taking too long to climax or whether she will O at all. Research shows that this last trepidation, called orgasm anxiety or pre-orgasmia, is a top FPA concern. Some women have thoughts like, ‘Can I get there? Is my partner getting bored?’ Others have a fear of actually orgasming. They worry that they’ll look ridiculous, and they can’t let their guard down.
When she’s anxious, she’s really at war with her ability to experience pleasure. That’s because her brain is in fight-or-flight mode, during which its sole concern is to get rid of what’s nagging her. So even if what you’re doing should feel amazing, her mind can’t register the erotic sensations. Don’t despair, though. You can take these steps to help quell FPA and find bliss.
And if you’re looking for more information on how to give your woman seismic-scale orgasms, check out this program by my friend Lloyd Lester: Unstoppable Orgasms sheds light on how to give a woman – any woman – unique pleasure experiences. His program is the bedroom equivalent of a magical tool that helps you give faster, more intense orgasms to your partner.
1. TELL HER TO TOUCH HERSELF Not only can solo sex help with everyday stress (by releasing feel-good chemicals throughout her body), it can also be a great way for a woman to learn the moves that satisfy her, which she can then relay to her partner. Ask her to try masturbating without the expectation of orgasm. She should take climax completely off the table, and turn her focus toward pleasurable sensations and how she feels. When she experiments and figures out what turns her on, you’re both winners.
2. SILENCE NEGGY THOUGHTS Hating on your naked bod can be powerful enough to screw with your arousal and make you avoid sex altogether, all recent studies say this, especially when it comes to women (but men can be afflicted by this as well). So first, don’t forget to remind her that being confident in herself is the biggest turn-on. She should tap into her hot goddess vibes during the deed, engage in some sensory play by turning off the lights or blindfolding herself. When you turn off one of your senses, the others are magnified. And that can make you zone in on every titillating touch.
3. RELAX WITH SCENTS If her mind still won’t shut up, natural essential oils could help create a calmer, sexier energy. Try giving her a whiff of valerian root oil, an herb that can lower frantic brain activity. (It does this by boosting the amount of a Zen-promoting neurotransmitter called gamma amino butyric acid.) Or you can burn a lavender scented massage candle that doubles as a relaxant and a sultry foreplay treat.
4. USE YOUR WORDS ‘Did you come?’ is probably the most prevalent question asked in bedrooms by men, and that’s tragic. Both sex and communication shouldn’t stop or be measured by an orgasm alone. Work on having an ongoing dialogue throughout your sex session. Give each other useful directives such as ‘Harder’, ‘Keep going’, ‘Right there’, or ‘I love it when you do this…’.
5. TELL HER TO WATCH HER BREATH A clear sign FPA is robbing your partner of a great time in the sack: quick and shallow breathing when she’s nowhere near climax. If this happens, she should actively turn her attention to inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly—just like she would when meditating. This will release tension and get her back to feeling all the satisfaction.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. Learning how to make a woman orgasm is basically a rite of passage for men all over the world. And certainly not as simple as porn and movie sex scenes would have you think. To give your lady a climactic experience unlike any she’s ever had, check out this program – Squirting Orgasms Shortcuts. You will learn how to make her crumble to her feet in ecstasy.
