“There are two things in life that as soon as you finish you can’t wait to do it again. Sleeping and sex.”
Right about now is where I should caveat that I’ve never heard a man admit to having this problem. It has happened to almost every male adult out there at least once, no matter how rich and varied their sex life has been. Most guys won’t admit to erectile dysfunction because, well, you just don’t like talking about it. Ever. Hence why there are no statistics on how many guys are affected – though we do know that anywhere from 15 to 50 per cent of men between the ages of 40 and 70 have problems with ED, while one in 10 can’t get an erection at all.
Men like to think of themselves as sex gods with members as hard, reliable and mighty as Thor’s hammer. But it’s an unpredictable hammer, and doesn’t always perform as it should. Sometimes it’s for reasons a doctor can explain and sometimes not – but most times it’s for reasons never revealed to women. Which is where and I and my specially selected Brains Trust come in: a group of men and women who have hard-won experience in the field of penile drop.
1. You’re intimidated. Yes, by women. Us and our darn awesomeness. Admit it, there have been times you’ve bedded a woman and had to pinch yourself that she let you through her front door, let alone into her bedroom. And with that awareness of not being worthy, or feeling you need to perform a little more than usual, comes pressure. Says one male friend: “I’ve never had any problem getting it up when I’m in a relationship. The only times I’ve had trouble are if I’m intimidated or nervous about a girl and there’s no history.”
2. You’re superstitious. Sometimes there’s no rational explanation: it can only be put down to black magic. “One time a guy told me I’d put a curse on his penis. He left muttering, ‘What have you done to me?’”, says a friend of mine.
3. You’re processing your feelings. It’s said men think with their dicks. No arguments there. But you also feel with them. Remember that scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, where Peter (Jason Segel) admonishes Sarah (Kristen Bell) after his Johnson fails to come to the party? “Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and my cock doesn’t want to be around you anymore”, says Peter. Yes, a woman’s kindness helps facilitate an erection. Says one friend: “I couldn’t get it up once with an ex. She was being a total bitch, and yet still wanted sex. She screamed at me because I wasn’t getting hard, and then accused me of having someone else. Game over.”
4. You’re just not that into us. If that’s the case, no amount of volcanic foreplay or expensive lingerie will make you want to go through with sex, and you will do and say anything to get out of it. We might hear stuff like, “It only happens with someone who I really love”, or “It’s my commitment phobia kicking in to protect you.” Or you might come up with some unexpected accident, as did one of my partner’s mates: “I once pretended I’d painfully scratched my foreskin while attempting to put on a condom”, he confesses.
5. You can’t handle your liquor. Identified in the classics as “brewer’s droop”. If you’ve been drinking heavily, there’s a good chance you might have issues when it’s time for lovin’. But you probably knew this already.
6. You’re in a relationship with your hand. I have a male friend who’s addicted to porn and happily confesses to masturbating several times a day. Online porn is probably the greatest hidden contributor to bedroom ED, because of overuse. Some guys do manage to combine daily blocks of flogging with a healthy sex life involving a real partner. Others fall victim to it.
7. You feel guilty. Something is troubling you. You feel guilty about something. “I had an affair with a man and he had trouble getting it up”, says one girl. “It happened a lot, but as soon as he left his wife, it was only after talking to his kids on the phone – guilt!”
8. You need special handling. A hot male friend offered this chestnut: “I think it may have to do with psychological problems, because I’m healthy, fit, and I’ve been sexually active since I was 15 – but it still plagues me from time to time, mostly when I’m not yet comfortable with the girl. With one girlfriend it took weeks. But once we got settled, it was never a problem again. It’s to the eternal credit of these women that it’s never been an issue. In fact, it’s usually made the eventual sex a lot better in the end. That’s why I say women are generally better people than men.” And ain’t that the truth.
Have a sexy week,
P.S. Of course, it can also mean you are suffering from an underlying medical condition. In case you don’t see yourself in any of the cases mentioned, have yourself checked by a doctor.