One of the things that usually turns people off to tantric sex is that they don’t know much about it. Not knowing much about it, they assume that it’s only for “hippie types” or the very spiritual. You might also assume that tantric sex is complicated and hard to learn. I’m here to tell you that NONE of these assumptions are true. In fact, it’s easy to incorporate tantric sex practices into your regular routine. By doing just that, you’ll reap the benefits of more intimate, intense and awesome sexual encounters. Here are 5 things to start doing right away to amp up your sex life using tantra:
1. Forget about orgasm being the end goal – This is an amazing revelation for so many lovers out there. Orgasm does not have to be the end all – be all of sex. For many women orgasm isn’t the most important part of sex already, especially for those women who can’t have an orgasm or have trouble orgasming from penetrative sex. But men tend to find it even harder to think that sex isn’t sex without orgasm. This ends up putting a lot of pressure on men and likely makes them enjoy sex even less. So, take that assumption and throw it out the window. Tantric love making is all about staying in the moment and enjoying exactly what is happening at that exact moment. If at one point you find yourself having an orgasm in the moment, great! But it shouldn’t be our focus.
2. Make your bedroom a sacred haven – Take time to totally revamp your loving space – the bedroom! Make sure it’s neat and tidy, nothing is more distracting than a huge mess everywhere you look. Make sure it smells great. Invest in some scented candles, aromatherapy oils or even some fresh flowers. Make sure your sheets are silky soft and clean. Buy some great, fluffy pillows. Try to keep the temperature at a comfortable number. Have the option to play music when you’re there with your partner. Keep a bottle of water close to the bed and anything else you might need handy (toys? lube? condoms? chocolate syrup?).
3. Shake your body, awaken your senses – Before having sex with your partner, go into your bedroom, put on your favorite song, stand with your feet hip width apart and relax your body. Start deep breathing through your mouth and try to imagine that the breath is reaching every corner of your body. Then begin to shake your ENTIRE body from head to toe. Do this for a full minute without stopping. It might feel silly, but you’re doing important work to awaken your entire body and preparing it for the sexual experience. Once the minute is up, lie down and call your partner into the room (you might even want to invite her to join you before!). The theory here is that you are releasing tension in all the parts of your body by shaking it out. When you release that tension you make room for pleasure and increased sensitivity. You can even have a full body orgasm!
4. Breath and rock back and forth – Sit on the bed facing your partner. She will sit on your lap, facing you, with her legs wrapped around your waist. Start with your eyes closed and begin focusing completely on your breathing. Begin rocking back and forth like a rocking chair, inhaling as your rock forward and exhaling as you rock backward. Once you have a rhythm going, tighten your PC muscles (AKA Kegel muscles) as you inhale/rock forward and relaxing them as you exhale/rock backward. Stimulating your PC muscles in this way as you breath will make you start to feel some tingling sensations in your genitals and other areas. Gaze into your partner’s eyes while continuing to do this. It might feel uncomfortable at first to stare into each other’s eyes while in such close proximity, but the results will pay off. You will feel electricity throughout your body and a deep connection.
5. Tantric kissing – Continue breathing and rocking back and forth together. You’ll soon realize that you’re taking your partner’s breath into your body, and she’s taking your breath in. Think about that as you continue. Then kiss each other deeply while sharing your breath and continue to move together. You should feel much more connected to one another and feel good and happy.
Have fun exploring!