What your girlfriend wants from you, but doesn’t dare ask
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take”- Anthony Robbins
For a relationship to be truly fulfilling, there are some things that your girlfriend wants, and thinks she deserves, from you. No, this has nothing to do with diamonds rings or a trip to the Bahamas. You’ll be surprised to see how un-complicated these wishes are and how, with just one stroke of will, she can become your biggest fan and introduce you to her girlfriends as the best boyfriend ever. Take a peak!
- Inordinate amounts of love demonstrated with actions, not just words. That means calling when you say you will, holding her hand when she is sick, helping her move the furniture around, etc.
- A little kitchen savvy. You don’t have to be Gordon Ramsay, but having some culinary skills beyond beans and toast will certainly make her life easier when she has a long day at work and she comes home to find the table is already set.
- Someone she can trust. If she feels she can trust you, she won’t behave clingy and needy when you’re out with the boys. If you break her trust, nothing will be the same again. Honoring this should be just as important for you as it is for her.
- A grown-up. You shouldn’t sulk for hours to get your own way. Being able to put yourself in her shoes, and trying to see things through her eyes, even when it’s hard, shows her you’re making an effort to build a bridge between your way of thinking and hers.
- To feel sexy and satisfied. There’s nothing better than a man who knows his way around her girlfriend’s erogenous zones like he’s packing a GPS. Eye contact, hugging and kissing never gets boring for a woman.
- To be accepted- curved and all. Loving a real woman means loving real curves- and she does put on a couple of kilos, you love her enough not to mention the words “muffin” and “top” in the same sentence- or the same week.
- Respect. This comes in many forms, including listening to her opinions and never putting her down or cheating on her. A good relationship needs to be a team effort- you’re in it together and you are on each other’s side when it counts.
- Mutual appreciation. John Gottman, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, says that in order for a couple’s relationship to thrive, there needs to be at least five compliments to every criticism. (16)
- Random romantic gestures. Guys who understand this formula, P = H (presents- no matter how big or small- equal happiness), truly understand women. Random romantic gestures can be made on any budget. Whether it’s a pack of jelly snakes at the end of a long day, or jewelry from Tiffany & Co for a special occasion, it shows you are thinking of her and her happiness, even when you are not next to her.
- A reasonable division of household tasks. It’s not 1958, so if you’re living together, you should know where the loo brush is. If she wants to set up a fair and equal household work dynamic, don’t make a face. Partnership means dividing the work- whether it’s household related or not.
- To be humored. Watching reality TV, eating your hot chips instead of ordering her own and talking about her friends’ lives constantly is something she enjoys and is just part of the package. So love her harmless quirks.
- Not to have to deal with “harmless” flirting. If you add the girl you lost your virginity with to your Facebook friend list, then give her your number to “catch up”, don’t be surprised if she gets upset. Flirting, even when it’s done via the internet, it’s neither acceptable nor negotiable.
- Understand that she finds vulnerability sexy… and that she thinks it’s ok that someone’s not invincible. Expressing your emotions effectively (even the tough ones, like sadness and jealousy) and revealing who you are beyond the tough manly exterior makes her love you even more.
- To have the world’s greatest PR man, and to be as proud and as vocal of her achievements as she is of yours. She loves nothing more than blowing your trumpet (when you’ve reached a goal or won a prize). She loves and deserves words of support and congratulations, too.
- Not to be shouted at. Don’t ever shout at her. She’ll get scared and freak out. Be reasonable, make her feel there’s always a solution for every problem- whatever the circumstance. Yes, she is an independent woman, but every girl secretly loves to feel secure and protected- especially by a kind, strong guy.
- Plenty of uninhibited public displays of affection. Small physical acts of affection in public show that you’re together, and that you’re comfortable with just about anyone knowing. Whether that’s holding hands, putting your hand on her leg at the bar, or putting your arm around her while you’re spending the afternoon visiting her parents, it tells everyone around that you are in a relationship.
- For you to be the sunshine in the storms of life. Whether that’s a cuddle when her boss has had a go at her, supporting her when she has to stand up to someone intimidating, or not going nightclubbing with your mates when you have to stay at home to nurse a broken foot. In short, you’re just there for her.
Have a sexy & sweet week,
P.S. However, don’t forget that the most important ingredient that you can put in your relationship is not what you say or do, but who you are. So be yourself!