“Break her bed, not her heart”
In order to have a healthy, balanced sex life, there’s a recommended intake of conversations to have with your partner on sex-related subjects. I know, they’re awkward and you’d rather not discuss them openly, but they’re actually non-negotiable. If you want to enjoy everything about your sexual encounters with your partner, you’ve got to first get your facts straight about each other and know exactly where you stand. Think of these as the veggies of your sexy menu. You don’t particularly like them, and yet the doctor still advises you to eat them regularly for you own good.
Convo #1 Contraception/STIs
This conversation is as traditional as it is essential for the health of your sexual relationship. Sure, it’s boring and bland and not at all spontaneous and sexy, but like a giant head of broccoli, you’ve got to have it. For first-time hook-ups, dodge the awkward factor by working your way up to the discussion in question little by little. After steaming up the place for a little while (think flirting and teasing), don’t get to the undressing completely part without bringing it up. Dish it up with a side of humor, if that’s your cup of tea. Trust me, she’s feeling just as uneasy as you are about this. As for the STIs, I can’t emphasize enough how important honesty is at this point. A huge part of sex is respecting and protecting yourself and your partner’s body. If you have an STI or are getting treatment for one, it’s essential to let them know.
Convo #2 Personal boundaries
There are always items on the menu that we don’t like to eat and the same goes for sex. Whatever your sexual Brussels sprout is, confess your aversion to it or it will get served up time and time again. Let’s be real here: this kind of chat isn’t exactly the easiest one to have. Due to its sensitive nature, I recommend breaching the subject away from the bedroom. Sexual criticism mid main course won’t do anything for your appetites. If handcuffs and blindfolds aren’t your thing, let your partner know outside of sex, so neither of you gets a nasty shock that will kill the moment. Telling your partner what you aren’t into is super important so they can not only become a better lover, but also know their boundaries.
Convo #3 Secret urges
Sex with your partner is amazing, but you could take it to the next level with an honest conversation about what you’re not getting from each other (but would like to). Arrange a time and have a couple chat so you can both be prepared with your thoughts and ideas. Besides, mixing up the mid week missionary and giving something else a go could only be a healthy thing. Even if both of you don’t like that thing you thought would be awesome but wasn’t, at least you’ve been there, and feel that your partner is supportive of your needs.
Convo #4 Sexual initiation
While it’s seemingly uncomfortable to bring up, addressing the mechanics of your sex life – who’s initiating sex? Are you happy with how often you have it? – it’s healthier than a quinoa salad. Express your feelings. You may be able to work through any differences of opinion by talking in a non-judgmental environment. Your sexual requirements may be different, yet airing out any concerns is good for everyone.
Convo #5 Past lovers
While remembering the ghosts of your love life’s past is completely normal, hold off on voicing it too much in front of your latest squeeze because it might not be something they want to hear. Instead, save the funny/steamy/awkward ex stories for beer time with mates.