Lasting longer in bed seems to be a common goal for most men. How to last longer in bed is one of the most common questions doctors, sex therapists and sex educators get and it seems no matter how long a man lasts he still thinks he has shortcomings.
What is the Goal?
When thinking about how long your sexual encounters last, you should not be measuring them in seconds or minutes or other increments of time. Instead it should be measured by whether both partners have experienced sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Is your goal to keep a rock hard erection for an hour or to make sure your sweetie has a pleasurable and loving sexual experience? Because they are two very different things.
Think About the Whole Experience Not the Erection
Think of sex as a whole experience, not just getting and erection and ejaculating. Sex starts long before the first kiss, with desire and arousal and doesn’t end until both partners have their resolution phase. There are so many wonderful, pleasurable things couples can do in between the start and the finish that if you relax and let things flow naturally there is a good chance you will find sex is lasting longer on its own.
Don’t worry about the clock. Shut off cell phones and other distractions and just concentrate on your sweetie. Get lost in each other through kissing and touching. Explore her body slowly. Get to know every inch, fold, hair and pleasure spot.
Kegel Exercises are Your Friend
Kegel exercises are something simple you can do to improve pelvic muscle strength and ejaculatory control. This can help you keep your erection longer so you can keep the sexual experience going. To do Kegel exercises, start when you are urinating. Squeeze your pelvic muscles until you stop the flow of urine. Stop the flow and count to ten then release your muscles and continue urinating. The muscles you use to stop the flow of urine are your PC muscles and they are the muscles you want to build up. They are the muscles that contract when you ejaculate. Each time you urinate try to stop and restart the flow increasing the amount of time you can stop it. You can also do “flutters” while you are sitting at work or in front of the television. Flutters are where you squeeze and release the muscles very quickly ten times each in sets of three. After a few weeks you should notice a difference.
Don’t be Afraid to Take a Break
When you are in the middle of getting busy with your sweetie and you feel like you are getting close to ejaculating, just stop. This is the time when you do not want sexual stimulation below your waist. Taking a break allows your body to calm down and back up a little in the sexual response cycle, which in turn will help you last longer. There is nothing wrong with stopping intercourse and spending some more time kissing and touching your partner. Or switch from intercourse to performing oral sex on her. When you feel your body has calmed down a little bit, go back to intercourse when you are ready. You can repeat this pattern as often as you like until you are ready to orgasm.
Her Sexual Pleasure Does Not Lie in an Erection
Please keep in mind that many women do not orgasm from intercourse and while they find intercourse pleasurable, having a penis pounding away inside of them for a long time does not necessarily mean they are getting more pleasure. It is often the man who thinks sex is all about his erection and how long he keeps it.
Women report getting much more sexual pleasure from oral sex and other clitoral stimulation than intercourse. Use this knowledge to reduce the pressure you may feel to have an erection that lasts for a long time. Then when the time comes to have intercourse you can make the most of it and really enjoy it.
Sexual Positions Can Make a Difference
Sometimes changing sexual positions can mean the difference between a quickie and a longer sexual encounter. Get out of the rut of the missionary position and try having her get on top or rear entry doggy style. Both of these can give you more ejaculatory control. Don’t be afraid to change positions in the middle of things. Not only does that provide a sexy way to mix things up but it can help prolong ejaculation.