Break out the champagne and high fives: You and your partner have just had one of those nights when you moved, moaned and even reached Mount Everest-high peaks at the very same time. Few lovemaking sessions make you feel more exhilarated, or emotionally connected, than those in which you’re in sync with each other. So why, you may be wondering, is it so hard to get in the same groove as your woman in the first place?
Men and women get aroused at different rates and through different means, which makes it difficult to stay on the same page during lovemaking. But with a little ingenuity — by using simple breathing techniques or by perfecting your favorite sex positions, for example — you two can hit your high notes duet-style. And while sharing this earthshaking moment every time you strip down may not be an all-the-time thing (hey, sometimes you just gotta dance to the beat of your own drummer), an occasional climactic convergence can be the kind of uncanny, all-the-stars-were-aligned bonding experience that will bring any couple closer.
Read on and prepare to feel your hearts (and every other muscle in your bodies, for that matter) beat as one.
Breathe Your Way to a Big O
One common reason women take longer than men to reach their peak is that they aren’t breathing properly. Most women breathe too shallowly. Deep breathing, on the other hand, delivers more oxygen to all her muscles, including the ones in her vagina, which allows them to rev up their orgasmic engines. To quicken her response time so it’s the same as yours, ask her to take rapid, deep breaths through her mouth instead of through her nose, which will bring more oxygen into her body. This will give her the oxygen boost she needs to keep up with you as you move toward your breathtaking finale.
Learn Each Other’s Arousal Levels
Sometimes missing that mutual oh-my-God moment comes down to a misunderstanding. You, for example, may interpret a certain movement or sigh as a sign that she’s seconds away from a tsunami, while, in fact, it means she’s just warming up. To resolve this misunderstanding, try the 1-to-10 exercise: During lovemaking one night, use numbers to express how turned on both of you are, with 1 being “not at all” and 10 being “Whoa, mama!” (Sure, it may feel a little goofy, but consider it a game and you’ll have the emotional distance you need to accomplish your goal.) Observe which physical and verbal cues correspond with which numbers so that in the future, you’ll know exactly how close she is — and vice versa — and you’ll be able to pace yourselves to reach the big 10 together.
Rock This Way
If the missionary position doesn’t send her skyward as quickly as it does you, that’s no surprise: Only 9.1 percent of couples always or often reach orgasm simultaneously in this position. To increase the odds of it happening, try this revamped version of missionary called the coital-alignment technique. Assume normal missionary, then slide your torso up a few inches so you rock, rather than thrust, into your partner, keeping your pubic bone connected to hers at all times. It works because it provides constant clitoral contact with your penis every movement. Regular thrusting won’t do that.
Take It Slow
“Peaking,” a technique in which you assume a slower-than-average pace during intercourse, can easily wind you both up for an ecstatic ending. A constant, fast pace will dull your partner’s senses, but a slower rhythm will give her body time to adjust and allow the tension to eventually build up to even greater heights. So try consciously moving as if in slow motion and see if it doesn’t bring both of you to an amazing simultaneous finish.
Don’t Let the Real World In
Going for the big kahuna of sexual escapades requires concentration, so you must make sure you’re not going to be interrupted. Double-check that the answering machine is on, the bedroom door is closed and the bedside table has whatever you may need (a glass of cold water, condoms, etc.) once you and your partner get busy. That way you can devote 100 percent of your attention to achieving a mutual five-star finale.
If being on top gets her in the groove, make things even groovier by sliding her legs down so they’re straddling your thighs rather than your torso. She should also arch her back so she’s nearly perpendicular to the bed; the arc shape of her body will put maximum pressure on her clitoral area. Combined with the control she has over how deep the intercourse is and how fast she moves, this position can send many women overboard.
Put Your Orgasm on Hold
Do you resort to thinking about icebergs or baseball statistics to keep yourself from going over the edge before she does? Distractions like these don’t work well, since they cut you off from the very feelings you should learn to control. Instead, learn to slow down and squeeze your PC muscles (you may need to practice this outside of bed). When you’re close to reaching orgasm and flex these muscles, it will keep you from ejaculating. Then you two will be able to resume intercourse to your hearts’ content.
Maintain Eye Contact
Holding each other’s gaze during sex may be all you need to create some seismic synchronicity. The eyes communicate so much that you might be able to figure out just how aroused your partner is. Locking eyes can also be a major breakthrough on an emotional level. It can be difficult to keep your eyes open when you’re feeling so vulnerable, but get over your nervousness, and the mutual trust you’ll develop will be sublime.
Expand Your Horizons
If intercourse doesn’t normally get her mojo rising, try the “bridge” technique, in which you start with what you know works for her and then wean her from it. For example, if oral sex is her surefire ticket into orbit, do that until she reaches the point of knowing she’s going to climax within seconds. Then switch to intercourse. If all goes well, nearly anything you do at this point should light her fire. Next time try switching to intercourse a bit sooner. Over weeks or months her body will be able to expand its orgasmic repertoire so you and your partner can reach the finish line hand in hand.
P.S. For more information on the proper methods that help you sync up fully and achieve the magical shared orgasm, check out my program on the subject – The Art of Coming Together.