Have you ever heard the baseball analogy of sex? I’m sure you have. Depending on who you ask, 1st base is kissing, 2nd base is feeling up her breasts, 3rd base is usually a hand job and fingering, and a home run is, of course, penetrative intercourse. These were probably the terms that you used when you were kids to talk about something that was too embarrassing to discuss using the proper language. That’s fine, but what about now that we’re older? There are still some people out there that think about sex in these terms. Penetrative sex is the home run, the best, the only thing you’re really working toward. No matter how much you love it, what’s the problem with this? The problem is that sex is NOTHING like baseball. It shouldn’t be defined in such terms because it robs it of all the amazing things sexual intimacy can be. Penetrative sex isn’t the only home run, there are TONS of ways to get a home run.
It seems that at some point we get older and we start to think that penetrative sex is what grown ups do. All that foreplay and handjobs and fingering is for kids who haven’t had sex yet. Right?! WRONG! All of those things are what makes sex amazing. It doesn’t have to be “foreplay” necessarily either, it can be the main event. It’s time to expand the way you think about your sexuality, so today we’re going to discuss ways to have sex other than penetration (yes, it’s sex even if your penis doesn’t enter her vagina!).
1. The Long Lost Handjob/Fingering – More than any other act most people tend to associate handjobs and fingering with their pre-penetrative sex life. When they think of these two sexual acts, they think of themselves as kids, maybe getting naughty under a blanket in their parents’ basement. Well, forget about that association right now! When you give her manual stimulation remember that most women don’t cum from fingering alone, so you need to also be stimulating the clitoris. In fact, you should try focusing most of your effort on massaging the clit and then fingering her throughout that process, but the main focus here is on the clit. You can also use your mouth to kiss her passionately and deeply on the mouth and all over her neck, ears and shoulders (three amazing erogenous zones!). Let the focus be all on her this time. If she reaches out to return the favor, take her hand away and let her know she’ll have time to reciprocate after if she wants to. And don’t shy away from the handjob. It may have been a long time since you received one from anyone other than yourself. But a hand full of warm lube and a sexy women suckling on your neck while rubbing you sensually doesn’t sound half bad, does it?
2. OH – MY – GOD Oral – I’m sure many of you love using oral sex as a warm up for penetrative sex. Oral sex is great and feels SO amazing. But sometimes you should just stop all the other stuff and focus on giving her an amazing orgasm using oral sex and nothing else (well, maybe a little fingering in there couldn’t hurt!). Just like the fingering technique above, make this all about her. Think about it, wouldn’t you just love it if she surprised you with an amazing blow job and she didn’t want you to do anything in return? Treat her to that and maybe you’ll get that surprise blow job when you’re least expecting it!
3. Erotic Massage for Two – If you haven’t already, go invest in some massage supplies. This should include a nice massage oil and some massage balls and wands. Remember that being sexual and intimate with each other doesn’t even have to include orgasms all the time. An erotic massage is an incredible way to connect with your partner and make her feel really good. Give her this gift of pleasure without expecting anything in return and without expecting it to escalate into anything more than just a sexy massage. There should be no pressure. The added bonus here is that sometimes your massage session is going to turn into more than that, but it shouldn’t be expected or that ruins all the fun!
One of the big mistakes we make these days with our sexual relationships is being too rigid. We think every act needs to lead to and end with orgasm, when in fact our focus should be on pleasure and pleasure alone. Whether that pleasure includes orgasm or not isn’t important. Let’s take the pressure off for a bit and just enjoy each other!