Everyone in a long term relationship knows what I’m talking about when I say “sexual rut.” Even if you are one of the few and lucky people who have a pretty good sex life after years of being with your partner, I’m willing to bet that it’s still quite different from what it once was. Keeping up a good sex life takes work and time. A lot of people think that their sex life should be good naturally or else something is wrong with them or with the relationship, but that’s not true.
People in long term relationships who have awesome sex lives have those because they do something and work at it to make it that way. There are a lot of different things you can do, but it’s important that you pay special attention to your intimate life because that’s the only way it’s going to stay exciting. Here are 7 things you can do to improve your relationship:
1. Have morning sex – It doesn’t have to be every single time, but having sex in the morning is a great way to start your day and feel connected to your partner. Many couples wait until the end of the day to have sex, but that usually means that one or both of your are overtired and not as in the mood. Another challenge to nighttime sex is that many couples don’t go to bed at the same time, so the likelihood of one person nudging the other awake for sex is pretty low.
2. Flirt with each other – After having been together for so long, you probably rarely flirt with each other. You might even think, “what’s the point?! We’re already together. Why play games?” Why? Because it’s fun and having fun together will remind you what you love about one another.
3. Surprise each other – It’s called a sexual rut for a reason. You do the same thing, at the same time, every time. It lacks excitement and surprise. Some couples might even feel annoyed when their partners go for the same exact position and sex move as they always do. Make a point to try new things and surprise your partner. This doesn’t have to be just when it comes to sex either. Try to keep your lives together exciting and different. Try out new activities. Go to different places for your nights out together. Keeping things interesting in the bedroom and outside is very important.
4. Sext – You know what it is, sending dirty / sexy messages to your partner, but have you ever tried it? You might not think it’s for you, but sexting can actually be really fun. Plus, you can only the kind of sexting that you’re comfortable with. You can send dirty pics and nasty messages or if your style is a little more subtle, you might just send a message saying something like, “I haven’t been able to get you off of my mind all day long, can’t wait to see you tonight.” With sexting it’s also important to know your audience. If your partner isn’t into dirty talk or naked pics, make sure to send her something more suggestive than porno.
5. Have make-up sex – When you get into a fight a lot of times residual anger or hurt feelings can linger and that can put a wedge between you and your partner. I’m not suggesting that sex solves problems, but if you have made up then why not try make up sex? That allows you to reconnect on a physical level in a much needed way and let go of any of those negative feelings that are still hanging around.
6. Ban sex for a week (or two) – You might think this sounds crazy, but I’m not talking about not being sexual with each other, but just banning sexual intercourse for a certain amount of time. What you do is make the decision to do everything BUT sexual intercourse. You still are intimate with each other, but with that one exception. It means exploring new ways to be with each other and touch each other. Believe me, you’ll learn a lot about what she likes!
7. Pay attention – Pay attention to what your partner likes and doesn’t like.. You might be thinking “DUH! That’s some of the most obvious advice I’ve even heard,” but there is actually research that shows that people tend to do what they like, not what their partner likes. This way of doing things does come from a good place. You might think, “I like this, so she must like it to, I will do it,” but instead try, “This isn’t my favorite, but I know she really loves it, I’ll do it.”
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