“Let’s settle this argument like adults; in the bedroom, naked.”
If someone were to tell you only 30 per cent of the women at your company will ever get promoted, you might think, “Hey, my company is not that very supportive of women!” Now, consider this: Only 30 per cent of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. Surprised? I blame romantic movies like The Notebook, where the girl magically climaxes after two-and-a-half minutes of action. This is not reality, unfortunately. The truth is, the way most men and women view sex – as a completely physical, penetrative, in-and-out experience – isn’t doing either men or women any favors if you’re on the hunt for the elusive orgasm.
Intercourse provides internal stimulation, but for women, the really sensitive parts are outside the vaginal canal. So even though sex feels good that way, you’re not hitting the right spots. Imagine someone would try to give you an orgasm by touching your testicles but never your penis. Good luck with that! Now back to what the 70 per cent of women who don’t orgasm from sex alone need. Girlgasms are composed of the right mind-set and the right moves. These mental and physical tips (and a little practice) will help you help your partner find her happy place.
Get into an orgasmic state of mind
If an orgasm isn’t happening, you’ll need to play a few Jedi mind tricks with her. All women have different hang-ups (some get insecure, some get distracted), so try these tricks to narrow down what works best for her.
Read or watch some sexy stuff. Whether she’s turned on by erotica, porn, a hot indie band, or Ryan Gosling reading the sport news (hey, different strokes), partake in that activity before engaging in sexy time. You want her to go into sex already experiencing that tingly feeling in her stomach, rather than hoping your hook-up provides it.
Indulge a fantasy. Urge her to think about a hot scenario before and yes, during sex. (A lot of women worry that this is wrong, like mental cheating. It’s not.). As long as she chooses to play a sexy movie in her head – be it a hot moment or a vision of what’s to come – she will be more turned on and she’ll have more chances at having an orgasm.
Eliminate distractions. Switch off your phones… and the lights if she’s a bit self-conscious. You want her to be in the moment, not thinking about how her thighs look when you hold her like that.
Give her permission to be selfish. Tell her you want to trade: have some nights when it’s all about her and others when she can return the favor. You may just hit a rhythm where you’re in sync with each other, and every night is a home run for both of you.
Don’t freak out if it doesn’t seem like it will happen. On average, it takes a woman 20 minutes of direct stimulation to have an orgasm (some women take more or less – and that’s normal as well). It’s common for a woman to reach a plateau phase, when she’s turned on but she feels like she’s stalled. Don’t lose hope. Stick with what got you to that point and she’ll likely get there. If not, she probably will next time.
Find the right touch(es)
Once she’s in the zone, it’s time to get physical. No matter how good you are in bed, don’t make the mistake of thinking you alone can ‘give’ her an orgasm. She’s more likely to get her kicks if she takes things into her own hands (sometimes literally). It might require a little multitasking to get you there.
It’s a hand job. Touch her clitoris while having sex (or have her do it). Reach down with confidence, it’s a turn on for her to see you so determined to do everything it takes to make you orgasm.
Lend her some of your moves. Guys are usually great at taking charge of a sexual situation. They’ll adjust their stimulation, speed and angle to increase their chances of achieving an orgasm. Most women don’t think to borrow this strategy – but it will be smart of her to own her needs rather than expect you to figure them out.
Give a high-school throwback a chance. Dry humping is massively underrated (quite possibly because it’s called dry humping). But some women have difficulty finding the touch and rhythm that works for them, even when they’re using their own fingers. If you grind your pelvic bone or penis against her, animal instinct takes over, allowing her body to go on autopilot and find a motion that will get her off.
Do two things at once. While you’re going down on her, put a finger or two inside her, and have her move her hips against your mouth to help find a rhythm that’s good for her. Often it’s a combination, rather than just one move, that hits the magic button.
Have a sexy week,
P.S. To make sure she orgasms (at least once), start with a good session of oral sex, then move to intercourse.