“He will go to his grave feelings cheated, never realizing that there isn’t much difference between one woman and the other, that it is the loving that creates the difference” – Shulamith Firestone
Your first tryst after a big break-up can go one of two ways: a sexy ego boost that gets your head back in the game or a naked nightmare that sends you into a spiral of remorse. Here’s how to make it happen on your terms.
For most people, rebound sex can be almost as stressful as the actual first time. The pressure is on, your emotions are raw, and the sex can end up being a drunken mess with some girls who didn’t even attempt to show that she cared for what you were doing. But it doesn’t have to be that way. This shouldn’t be about getting it over with so you can move on – ideally, it should be a sexy, pleasurable experience that leaves you feeling confident and optimistic about the future of your love life. Happily, achieving this goal does not require that much of an effort. Just follow three guidelines to bouncing back so that you can come out on top (literally and figuratively).
- Rebound Rule #1. Know your goal
Unfortunately, there’s no little green light that goes on when you’re emotionally recovered enough to sleep with someone else. Just make sure you have realistic expectations. You need to be clear and honest with yourself about what you’re looking to get out of this. If you’re trying to use rebound sex as a solution – to get back at an ex, to rebuild your confidence, or to counteract the loss you feel after a breakup – you’ll end up disappointed. Sex won’t fill a void. The one and only goal you should have in mind: to have a good time that will leave you with zero regrets. If you’re on board with that, you’re ready to proceed to rule number two.
- Rebound Rule #2. Pick a sexy, generous partner
No doubt, you’ll consider rebounding with a girl friend or former ex because there’s a built-in intimacy there, but be warned: unless you have a very unique relationship, it may not be able to weather the awkwardness. The exceptions: you’ve already done the whole friends-with-benefits thing with this girl before, or you’ve always been open with each other and can see yourselves laughing about it in the morning. If the history is more complicated, take a pass. Otherwise, you’ll wake up wishing you had. Here’s a better game plan: pump your social circle for introductions to Eva Mendez look-alikes, reactivate your online dating profile, or e-mail a coworker from two jobs ago who you had a crush on and invite her out for a drink. Then see if she meets a few key criteria. You’re looking for a girl with great sexual energy. Does she seem comfortable and confident in her skin? As you flirt, is she making subtle physical contact, like putting her hand on your arm for a second? Does she shift position when you shift yours? There are all signs she’s in tune with her body and yours. Of course, there are plenty of players out there who fit that bill. So screen for someone who is also sensitive to your needs. Little gestures, like participating in more intimate conversations and actually listening to what you have to say, asking if you’re comfortable enough in the place you’ve chosen to go to, or picking up your jacket when it falls off the back of your chair, let you know that she’ll be just as eager to please later on.
- Rebound Rule #3. Make your pleasure the priority
On this night, don’t worry about her needs. Focus on making sure you have fun, and let her come along for the ride. And forget about all that baggage you used to bring into the bedroom with your now ex. When you’re in a relationship, it can sometimes be harder to push through all the emotions and other non-sexy elements and tap into your visceral, sexual self. With rebound sex, you are finally liberated from the tension that builds up in a rocky relationship, and you can give yourself permission to explore and even try on new sexual personas. Maybe you think it would be hot to boss a girl around in bed dominatrix-style or to have frantic sex on the kitchen floor. Whatever your sexual wish, don’t be shy about it. Out of the confines of a relationship, you can be vocal about what you want without worrying about bruising your woman’s ego. While your clothes are still on but after a lot of hard-core flirting, let this lucky girl know what you hope will unfold later in the night. If she agrees to play your way, invite her back to your place – you’ll feel more empowered if you’re on your own turf – and get ready. It’s go time.
Have a sensual week,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. The perks of being a rebounder: out-of-the-box sex! Try your wildest fantasies tonight! For more tips and tricks about growing that snake monster in your trousers, check out my program in the matter – Unbreakable Erections.
