Any man who has ever worried about his performance or how long he lasts in bed has probably longed for the quick fix that would make him last as long as he always wanted. Most men would simply like to be able to have more control over when they cum, in order to be sure that their partner is just as satisfied as they are. There are many tactics and tricks, and even drugs, out there that promise results, but which of those actually work? Unfortunately, there isn’t one clear answer. What might work well for one man might not work at all for another. You might have to try a few things before you find a technique that’s useful for you. But there is one thing that is universal. Most problems with not lasting long enough and other sexual dysfunctions are at least partially psychological. This means that there are things you can do to make a difference just by changing your thought patterns. You would be surprised at how much you can control with your thoughts. Here’s how:
- Be in the moment – This is a tantric practice that you may have read about in some of my other articles. Men who have trouble lasting long enough or have some other kind of sexual dysfunction are often completely focused on their problem. They are so wrapped up in their issue that they often make their worst fears come true just by worrying about it. One technique is to force yourself to continually focus on exactly what is happening in the moment. This means not worrying about what might happen next, not thinking about when you might orgasm, and not focusing on your performance. Instead you consciously make yourself think about what is happening at that exact moment. Most of us tend to let our minds wander and we are often not fully conscious of our thoughts. One way to control your thoughts is to focus on being conscious of your thoughts. One technique is to have a running monologue in your head of what is happening. “She is touching my chest…wow that feels good…” etc.
- Replace negative thoughts with positive ones – When you notice negative thoughts creeping into your head, replace them with a positive thought. For example, if you think, “I’m not going to last more than 1 minute,” immediately push that thought out of your head by thinking something positive like, “I am so lucky to be having sex with such a beautiful woman,” or “my partner really enjoys having sex with me.” It helps to think of a list of positive thoughts to use beforehand, as it will be difficult in the moment to get creative. Try making a written list to help yourself remember the positive thoughts you came up with. If you find that you can’t think of that list of thoughts in the moment, just try thinking the exact opposite of the negative thought. So, if you thought, “I’m not going to last more than 1 minute,” replace that with, “I’m going to last a long time.”
- Don’t beat yourself up – Coming down hard on yourself if you don’t perform or last as long as you want to is not going to help you last longer. It will actually most likely worsen the problem, or at the very least, maintain it. So, instead try to think positively about the situation. I know it might be hard, especially if this is a problem you have been dealing with for a long time, but thinking negatively will only make things much worse.
- Daily affirmations – These are amazing little statements that actually work to change your life, behavior and attitude. Write down a list of positive things about yourself. Some of it should be about who you are as a person, then some of it should be about your performance in bed, and then finally you can also include positive things about your physical appearance. Here are some examples:
– “I’m a successful, powerful man.”
– “I’m good at making my partner cum.”
– “I’m sexy.”
Even if you don’t fully believe these things, write down the things you want to be true, as well as those that you believe. Now your homework is to repeat a short list of about 5 of these every single day when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Repeat each statement 5 times slowly and out loud. If you need to, set a reminder on your phone. It might sound crazy, but these things actually work to help you change your behavior!
The way you think and approach a situation WILL decide the outcome. If you want to last longer, you need to start with your big head before worrying too much about the little one. Trust me, you’ll see results!