Regardless if you’re partnered up or flying solo, there are always times when there’s nothing else we’d rather do than have a little fun in the bedroom. Not only does sexual intercourse and foreplay help to release stress, it also produces feel-good hormones that can instantly boost your mood and confidence. But when it comes to women (and men, actually!), while she might be fantasizing sex on a Tuesday morning, by that evening she could be totally put off and would much rather cuddle with Netflix than you.
This is because women’s sex drives are often complex and confusing for couples to navigate. There’s also all sorts of misconceptions and surprising truths about what entices women’s bodies for sex, making the connection between two people pretty difficult to describe. Why? It’s always changing, and oftentimes, there’s no rhyme or reason for a woman’s varying shifts in desire and lust. A woman’s desire for sex can change throughout her life and there is no ‘normal’ level to experience.
Now that you know that she can be hot and cold whenever she feels like it, consider these facts about sex drive:
When it comes to getting in the mood, it’s not about her genitals
When it comes to what makes a woman excited to get naked, it’s less about what’s going on between her legs and more about mental attraction. Women feel desire for sex in different capacities and it can be affected by a variety of outside influencers: stress, anxiety, sense of emotional safety with a partner, hormone balance – these are just a few factors that can affect whether or not she wants to get busy with someone.
Soy can lower female sex drive
From giving her an energy boost before working out to helping her get through that 3 p.m. afternoon crash at the office, what she fuels her body with is the driving force that connects her body to action. Women who have high-soy diets might experience a decreased desire to get jiggy with it. It has been reported that women who eat a lot of soy products usually have a low sex drive. Although soy products are high in nutritional value, they have phytohormones, which are known to change the endocrine system. This in turn lowers the female libido by seventy to eighty percent.
Women don’t like sex less than men — they just experience it differently
The running joke in nearly every television show or sitcom is women complaining about their partners initiating sex on the regular. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Some people are surprised to learn that there is no scientific evidence that supports the assumption that women simply have a lower sexual desire level than men. Our culture bases our understanding of sexual desire using male desire as a default, so anything that appears different from men’s sexual desire must be abnormal in some way. Every couple, every person is different.
Female sex drives might be more complex than we think
Because of how women’s bodies are built and the various chemicals they process, the act of getting it on is a different experience than it is for men. A female’s sex drive is more responsive, meaning that women don’t get ‘spontaneously’ turned on, but rather, they react to what their partner is doing in a given moment. Women respond to situations, initiation, or closeness with arousal. They may require more emotional intimacy, relaxation, relationship happiness, as well as sexual stimulation to build arousal. Cuddling and physical closeness has been found to have the same positive chemical response in women as sex, and may be the thing they desire at one moment or another. Testosterone was linked to desire in women if their cortisol levels (amount of stress) were low.
Another thing that might make a woman’s inclination toward intercourse more complicated is that what turns a woman on one day isn’t always the same thing that turns her on the next day (or sometimes, even the next hour). Women also tend to have more flexible sexual arousal patterns and orientation over time, meaning the things that get them hot change and can include different genders or sexual expressions. So while men have more spontaneous sexual feelings, women’s desire may be more complex, and highly linked to other factors that may need to be awakened to start a sexual connection.
P.S. For more tips and tricks about how to fire up your partner’s libido, check out my program on the matter – Multiply Her Drive.