One of the things that drives me crazy is that there are so many great couples out there who really love each other, but they have horrible sex lives. Their sex lives may have been good at one point, they may have even been amazing, but they aren’t anymore. As we all know, this can pose a real threat to the happiness and stability of your relationship. Most men want to fix this issue and have more sex, but they don’t know how. This is where things get tricky. Women often have a lower sex drive than their male partners when they are in a long term relationship. This difference can leave both people feeling frustrated and hurt at times.
Most men out there want to know how to increase their partner’s desire. If you fall into this category, you should know first that it doesn’t only depend on you, but there are a lot of things you can do to help the situation. Here’s how to do it…
1. Show Your Appreciation – A woman’s sex drive is completely entwined with her feelings and emotions. If she doesn’t feel connected to you emotionally, you’re going to have a lot harder time getting her turned on. One way to connect with your partner is to make sure she feels appreciated by you. Feeling unappreciated is a big problem in long term relationships. Both people are usually guilty of taking the other person for granted in a lot of ways, but this is an especially common complaint among women. They do a lot for their men and when they don’t feel appreciated, a distance grows for them and they feel less loving and attraction. Luckily, there is something you can do about it starting right now. Start showing your appreciation for her right this very minute. Even if you think she already knows that you appreciate her, you need to tell her. Tell her everyday, even several times a day, in specific ways and general ways. Say something like, “I’m such a lucky guy to be with a woman like you,” or “Thank you so much for _____,” or “I really appreciate _______.” Start doing this every day and you will notice that your partner will be warming up to you in no time.
2. Refocus Your Attention – The longer we are in a relationship, the less we pay attention to our partners. This needs to change if you want to reignite the sexual flame. Start by committing to turning off technology for a few hours every night. Some couples like turning their phones, computers and TV off around the hours before, during and just after dinner. Others like to do so at the end of the night or in the morning. Find a time that works best for both of you. Have meals together and actually talk! You might find this hard at first if you’re really out of practice, but believe me, it will get easier. You might wonder, how will this help me have sex more? Well, everything in a relationship is interconnected. One thing affects another. You and your partner will start to enjoy each other again and reconnect on every level, even a physical one!
3. Don’t be Selfish – Even though you want to be having more sex, you also need to understand if she isn’t in the mood. If you pressure her or complain about your sex life, it will only turn her off and possibly piss her off. Try doing other physicals things that she likes, like holding hands, being affectionate, giving hugs, kissing, giving her a non sexual massage. Connecting through non sexual touch with your partner will also magically reignite her desire for sexual touch. A lot of couples start to only touch each other when it comes to sex and therefore they lose out on a lot of the intimacy in their relationship. Paying attention to being affectionate can help with that.
4. Talk – Let her know that you want to improve the intimate part of your relationship and talk to her about how she would like to do it. Make sure you talk about it at a time when neither of you are upset or angry. It can be hard to talk about sex, so be careful to choose the right time.
One last thing, you have already done more than most men by just thinking about what your partner wants and wanting to better meet her needs. Too many men just complain selfishly and don’t even think about what they can do to make a change. Good for you and have fun!
Kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
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