Why better sex starts with better foreplay
“Sex without foreplay is like a song’s reff without intro.”- Toba Beta
She’s oh-so-carefully shaved her legs and replaced her greying undies with black lacies. Dinner and two glasses of wine later, she’s ready to GO. But don’t assume that just because you’re in her company, her house or even her bed, she’ll make the first move and aknowledge in front of you that she wants you and she’s ready to get down and heavy.
A truly great foreplay for a woman starts with the man showing her he wants her. After years of exercising my right to demand info from women about sex, I’ve noticed one common denominator: whether you’ve been together for a week or a decade, girls consistenly say the key to a great sex start is enthusiasm.
Here, I give you the lowdown on the best ways to send her shag-me signals and create the basis for truly amazing foreplay.
1. Make a move… but do it creatively
Guys are more often the ones to suggest sex. You’re always eager to try your luck, which is great, cause more often than not women are actually waiting for you to take the lead. But if you truly want to arouse her, surprise her with your sexual assertiveness by taking control in a more creative way than the usual.
• Ambush her. When you see each other at the end of the day, grab her by the waistband and pull her through the front door like you’ve been waiting for her for hours. Your enthusiasm will please her even more and make her more likely to accept sex even though she just came from work.
• Before any action begins, take charge by helping her take her clothes off. Usually, when a mutual agreement for sex happens, both you and your partner strip in your own little corner of the bed, and hug later, when you’re already naked. By helping her undress, you’re showing her that you can’t wait for her to do it and you’re more than eager to lend a helping hand. Also, you can leave a piece of clothing on, like her skirt or her shoes, so she can see your couldn’t-wait-to-get-it-on urgency. Trust me, she’ll love it.
• Seduce her when she leasts expects it: when she’s doing the dishes, cooking or reading a book. Thus you’re subtly letting her know you want her badly. Every. Single. Minute.
• „You make me so hot my skin wants to melt, baby” sounds more cheesy than believable, but there are other ways to tell her how much you want her, minus the porno-talk. For example, be blunt and send her a signal she won’t misinterpret. If you can’t put it into words, show her: gently grab the muscles of her legs while giving her oral, to show her how into it you are and how hard she turns you on.
2. Be in the moment. Become the moment.
Being there in body isn’t enough during sex; you must keep your mind on the job, too. How do you do that? You won’t believe how incredibly simple it is. Just read on to find out.
• Maintain your erotic mindset. It’s true, women are more prone to distraction than men, so staying in the moment can be a challenge for them, but men can also get distracted and miss the chance of great sex. When you have a lot on your mind (like what to give her for her birthday, that email you forgot to send or an overdue electricity bill), you need to clear out a mental path so that you can experience ultimate sexual satisfaction. Focus on sensations pre-sex, by having a bubble bath with scented candles or rubbing moisturiser all over her naked body (with the promise that she’ll return the favor afterwards), so you can both de-stress and forget about your problems. This calms you and increases arousal. Also, eliminate any distractions by turning off your phone, TV and computer. Putting sultry music will also help you relax into it. My suggestion? Try Café del Mar.
• Not all sex needs to be spontaneous; you can take specific steps to work yourself and her into the mood. Prime yourselves by reading erotic fiction aloud, to each other, or by watching a soft-porn movie, to learn more moves or simply have fun at how fake it all seems from behind the TV screen.
3. Flick her primal sex switch
Men get turned on by visual stimuli, but new studies have found that women are becoming more and more visually interested as well. That way they can see their partner’s enthusiasm and feel better about the sexual encounter.
• The link between what people see and sexual arousal is an evolutionary holdover from prehistoric times. Even though romance has come a long way since cavemen mating, both mend and women still respond foremost to a visual thrill; position a mirror next to the bed. Watching yourselves in action will turn both of you on.
• Turn her around and kiss her while you’re doing it doggy-style. When she can’t see your face, she can’t be sure about how you feel; turning her head for a kiss will reassure her.
• Smile and maintain eye contact. It’s one of the best ways to convey that you’re having fun, but you’re also emotionally connected. Also, make noise. Most men keep quiet in the sack and expect their partners to ensure the soundtrack, which leaves most women wondering if they’re doing something wrong.
Have a sensual week,
P.S. Suggest giving foreplay more time. It relays that you want to prolong sex, and she’ll appreciate it.