I’ve written about the “resilient edge of resistance” before here, in the discussion of finger play, so I hope this in-depth look at a revolutionary touch technique will help you improve your touch across the board. Whether you are massaging, fingering, holding hands, or just brushing the hair from her eyes, learning to understand the boundaries of your touch will bring you closer to your lover in a whole new way.
The resilient edge of resistance, a term coined by Urban Tantra author Barbara Carrellas, defines the kind of touch that lies in that mysterious space between too much and not enough. Most men have only two settings when it comes to intimate skin-on-skin contact: touching, and not touching. By default, we are all usually set on “not touching” option. Why is it we find it so hard to initiate touch with the person we love the most? And when you are going to touch, don’t you want to make the most of the time you spend getting close? The quality of your touch is the defining moment of your foreplay. If you can’t make contact with her sexy side when you first try to touch her, you’ll never find your way to share ecstasy.
Your exercise today is going to help you evolve your sense of touch by exploring the layers of your lover’s body. Try identifying each of these six layers, getting feedback from your lover at each stage, being carefully not to press too deeply, or tickle too lightly. Don’t just use your fingers, but your entire hand including your palm. Like always, be sure your room is warm and you are both comfortable. You don’t have to be naked to practice this skill! Try this on her belly or her bum, her arm or tired feet. Anywhere works, as long as she’s comfortable!
The first layer of touch doesn’t even come in to contact with your lover’s physical body. As your hand grows closer to the surface of her skin, feel the sensation that alerts you to the proximity of her body. People can perceive this biomagnetic layer of the human body in different ways. Close your eyes and sense the heat, or the tingling, the shiver of anticipation before you touch her. Allow her to feel the warmth of your body getting ready to reach her. Touch on this level is intricate.
By a Hair
Move just a fraction closer and touch the tips of the hair on her body. This will be easier somewhere the body hair is obvious, like her arms or somewhere she typically shaves (after a few days without). You will find it more challenging on areas of her body where the hair is fine and difficult to discern. Progress from easier to more challenging areas of the body, and improve your fine sensation skills. Touch on this level is a tease!
Where the hair meets the body, touch the skin with great care. Here you are most likely to tickle. Don’t press, but don’t stutter either. Skim over the surface of the skin like a skillful ice skater. Watch her reaction – some women will feel giggle at a light tickle and another might kick you! Be careful! Touch on this level is casual.
The layer of fat just beneath the skin (if your wife is sensitive, learn to say “subcutaneous” with ease), is what holds the skin on to the rest of the body. It is connective, and slides gently over the muscle. Touch on this level is friendly.
Made of Muscle
The muscles of the body are what make it work. Touch on this level can be soothing or stimulating, shallow or deep. We refer to muscle touch as massage and I always have lots to tell you about that! Hot stones can help loosen tight muscles before massage, so deep muscle kneading isn’t necessary. Touch on this level is intimate.
Hard as Bone
Below the muscular level lies bone, the foundation of the body. Holding her body by the bones – at her wrists, her elbows, her hips or her collarbone, for instance – provokes an air of dominance or extreme need. It can heighten the immediacy of an intimate moment, but it can also frighten if used inappropriately, or leave bruises if used for too long. Try it at the brink of orgasm, when you foreplay takes the leap to the next level. Give it a go and she how she feels! Touch at this level is urgent.