“Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment seeking-nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one. This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype – the overstressed executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
In movies or erotic books, men are able to send their partners directly to O-town with just a couple of quick thrusts. That’s all well and good for the fictional characters, but for those of us who are real, flesh and blood people, orgasms aren’t always as easy. Whether you’re having less-than-satisfying sex with your partner or are frequently on the edge of giving her the maximum pleasure only to have her orgasm disappear faster than you can say „Ryan Gosling, you’re full of it”, many couples can relate to pleasuring issues.
Training your body to respond well sexually is a bit like training your body to be an athlete. We often don’t think about sex like that – we think that it’s something everyone can do and that it should be easy. But if you want to have and give great orgasms, you need to work at it.
That’s why I’m sending you to pleasure school – I guarantee you’ll like the homework and the end result is way better than any diploma!
Lesson #1
Practice makes perfect
Experts agree that masturbation is the first step to great orgasms. Practicing on herself is crucial. Once she can become orgasmic with herself, it’s going to be a lot easier for your partner to have an orgasm with you. This is partly because she discovers what works for her and can share that with you, and also because masturbation trains the body to get used to having orgasms. If she hasn’t had many orgasms before, learning how to give herself a clitoral orgasm is a great place to start.
Lesson #2
Share the self-love around
Don’t save the self-love for when you’re alone! Stimulating her clitoris while she is with you is essential because most women can’t climax just from penetration. Women often wonder, “Why can’t I come when he’s inside me?”, but the majority of women also require clitoral stimulation during sex, either with her hand, your hand or a vibrator. So don’t shy away, treat her with a considerable amount of fingering and she’ll be moaning like they do in the movies.
Lesson #3
Tone it up
The other orgasm homework you should both be doing? Pelvic floor exercises. A toned pelvic floor leads to great orgasms. The stronger those muscles are, the better the sex is going to be. Pelvic floor exercises aren’t just for older women or new mothers – all women should do pelvic floor exercises every day. And men as well, since it leads to lasting way longer in bed. Just squeeze and release the muscles you use when you’re trying to stop the flow or urine.
Lesson #4
Observe mindfulness
According to the experts, staying in the moment during sex is what takes the experience from so-so to “Oh! Oh!”. It’s important to get out of your head and into your body, especially in the case of women. To have a great orgasm she needs to let the mental chatter go, stop worrying about whether you’re having a good time or what her body looks like and just lose herself in the pleasure. Orgasm is not an outcome of pleasure and, while it might sound paradoxical, focusing on the pleasure rather than stressing about whether you’re going to have an orgasm is the best way to have one.
Lesson #5
Forget about faking it
Not only is she short-changing herself by faking it (if you think you’re onto a winning formula, you’ll keep dishing up the same moves, which is totally logical) but she’s also short-changing you. Men want to make their girl happy in bed. A lot of girls are afraid of telling guys what feels good, but you can help her do so with positive reinforcement and questions in order to know which touches go the right way. The focus of sex should be turning yourselves on; that’s how you’ll learn to seduce an orgasm out of yourselves!
Tonight’s homework
- Learn the importance of “beforeplay” to set the scene prior to getting started on foreplay. Light candles, play music, read some erotic fiction – do whatever it takes to get you in the mood so that you’re both simmering with anticipation. If you rush into clitoral stimulation or penetration before she’s ready, it’ll take your partner a lot longer to orgasm or she might not get there at all.
- Try to keep your breathing steady and breathe out through your mouth as the intensity increases. Being aware of your breathing also helps to keep you in the present and focused on what you’re feeling. Both of you.
- Want extra course credit? Once you’ve got to O-town, practice learning how to achieve multiple orgasms. After you have gotten your partner to climax, try leaving your hand over her clitoris and start stimulating her gently, helping her be aware of all the subtle sensations she’s experiencing.
Have a seductive week,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. Preparing her body for extra pleasure is way easier when you have a good hand, so don’t hesitate to make good use of it. For more information about using your fingers in hot new ways, check out my program on the matter – Flirting Fingers.
