The best person to give any man advice about how to finger a woman… is the woman he wants to please! Most women are experts at using their own hands to bring themselves pleasure, and if they aren’t, they certainly should be! Sex toys are wonderful, but they can’t replace the touch of skin on skin. If you really want to learn how to touch your lover’s lady parts, you need to pay attention to how she does it.
She’s Shy
Even if your wife enjoys masturbation regularly, that doesn’t mean she will automatically feel comfortable doing it in front of you. Try to make her comfortable in whatever way she needs – keep the lights off or low at first, lie beside her in bed while she masturbates under the covers so she isn’t overly exposed. Even if you can’t see or hear anything at first, just being in the room is a step in the right direction to getting her more comfortable. One step at a time. Proceed as slowly as she needs you to and don’t get pushy. This needs to feel safe and supportive if you really want to learn.
Awkward
She may or may not be the shy type… but even if she is ready and raring to go without any need for encouragement, if you’re exhibiting outward signs of awkwardness, things could go downhill fast. Try not to make a big deal out of it. If it is important to you that you learn how to touch her in just the right way, she will find it hard to argue against those reasons for getting so up close and personal! Ask her to start a regular masturbation practice that allows you to sneak a peak, get closer and closer, find out what exactly makes her tick. If you both keep in mind that this is for her pleasure, you can’t go wrong. Just remember that – don’t get so carried away enjoying the view that you forget the purpose.
Women often use the most effective methods they know of to reach orgasm quickly. You may not want to use the exact same techniques as she does, in the exact same order, but it is a safe bet that she knows the techniques it takes to bring her over the edge, if you don’t. Watch her carefully, closely. Once she’s comfortable with your presence and into your participation, you can start to speak up. Tell her how hot she looks! Ask her questions about how certain movements make her feel, about her reasons for changing pressure or direction. Keep a close eye.
The Learning Curve
If she isn’t as knowledgeable about her own pleasure centers as she may like, there is even more reason to begin a regular practice. Give her the space to explore her own body and tell you what it needs. She can find her own particularly sensitive spots easier than you, without any doubt. Give her the chance to do it!
After you have taken some time watching and learning, you will need to practice if you want to get it just right. Place with some back and forth, trying to mimic her movements for a few seconds after she shows you something that she likes. Let her hands show you the way, then see if you can make her feel as good as she can do herself.
An Understatement
Notice that most women don’t penetrate when they masturbate? This should tell you just how important the clitoris is to female pleasure, and how unimportant penetration might be. Of course, just because a woman can orgasm easily from manual clitoral stimulation doesn’t mean she doesn’t want intercourse when she’s with you! As you well know, masturbation and sex are very different processes. Learning to gain pleasure from one requires practice with the other – and it goes both ways!
Encouraging your lover to masturbate regularly is a boon. Not only does she have the opportunity to increase her own orgasmic potential and learn more about her body (while teaching you!) but it also gives you a chance to masturbate more often as well. Just as her touch can teach you, the way you touch yourself when you masturbate can be a great lesson for your lover in how you like to be touched. Don’t ignore the valuable lessons that mutual masturbation can provide!
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. For more information about using your fingers in hot new ways, check out my program on the matter – Flirting Fingers.
