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Braingasm, baby!

Fingering Techniques

Braingasm, baby!

“Let’s have sex. Breathe for yes, lick your eyebrow for no.”

It’s a case of mind over matter when it comes to an enriching sex life. Because yes, there is such a thing as intellectual ejaculation. Doctors (those helpy-helpertons in white coats) are regularly used to help validate the research the internet flings at you. Which makes sense: 89 per cent of all people know that if a doctor tells you a statistic, then it must be true.

But sometimes I think they get it wrong. Really. For starters, they say dubious things. “Please stop playing with my stethoscope, it’s not a toy”, or “You should cut back on the double cheeseburgers”. I mean really, really dubious. Another thing I disagree with is their general stance there are two kinds of orgasms in the case of women: clitoral and vaginal, and one kind in the case of men – the ejaculatory kind. I hate to buck the trend that is science, but I happen to think there are three – for women, and two – for men. It’s not empirical, it’s just opinion. Stick with me.

I believe there’s another, much subtler kind. An experience that’s so encompassing and so satisfying your brain all but shuts down for business; you wouldn’t hear a knock on the door even if the voice on the other side said, “Hello? It’s Beyonce. Just wondering if you’d like to make love with me?” That level of distracting. And this magical happening is the mental orgasm.

The only problem here is, it’s not something that can be easily measured by any current mainstream medical means. Because the mind is a beautiful beast, capable of conjuring up wonders greater than what really exists on this earth.

Intellectual ejaculation

This enigmatic orgasm can come into play at any time, anywhere. One of the most common scenarios happens super early in a relationship. You sit around (at your desk, on the bus) daydreaming about the date you had last night, and reliving every time her skin brushed yours till your head practically explodes with lustful imaginings.

It’s when just thinking about the act is enough to leave you wriggling in your seat, with a flush on your cheeks and a grin on your gums. Sometimes it’s deliberate, like when you spend an imaginary solo time with Megan Fox. And sometimes it’s accidental – like when the coffee girl bends over to get you an extra spoon. But it’s totally a thing. Holy guacamole, is it a thing. In fact, it’s practically the reason porn exists.

And here’s why: if your mind isn’t into it, your muscles won’t be either. For a truly satisfying orgasm, your brain needs to climax before your body can. Moreover, some women (Lady Gaga included) claim they can bring themselves to orgasm through thought power alone. Brain imaging scanners have probed it’s possible – the pleasure center of the brain lights up in the exact same way whether the stimulation is mental or physical. You see? Those doctors and their white coats, I told you they were useful!

But wait, there’s more. In the same camp sits the dream orgasm – the wet dream, essentially. Doctors refer to it as nocturnal emission, and while that sounds decidedly as though it’s the name of a heavy metal band, it will happen to almost half of all men and women at some point in their lives.

As with the mental orgasm, with the dream orgasm your body is cashing cheques your mind is writing. Which is awesome. No, it’s awesome times awesome. It’s awesome squared. But even if you’re not one of the lucky few who can think themselves into a hands-free mental frenzy, you can still harness your grey matter to work for you. It’s a matter of practice. And unlike those algebra equations in seventh grade, this is homework you’ll actually want to do. It simply involves relaxing, indulging your fantasies and some slow, deliberate breathing.

Come to think of it!

So next time you’re ensconced in sexy time, let your synapses do the walking and see if you notice a difference. Heck, even when you’re not ensconced in sexy time, give it a burl. Because the mental orgasm is here. I’ve put it out there, and it’s not going anywhere. So go forth and add that all-important orgasm to your brain files. Preferably somewhere between “doggie style makes your penis feel bigger” and “the clitoris is the way to go” in the Things I’ve learnt from Gabrielle mental manila folder. Because while I probably won’t scoop the Nobel Prize for medicine any time soon, this is one nugget of information definitely worth retaining.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Grab your partner and try a session of mental orgasming as a couple. If you succeed, feed each other the other kinds of orgasms as well.

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