“For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.” —Isabel Allende
Did you know that 70% of women have never experienced an orgasm during sex with a man? When I first learned this statistic, I was shocked! Then I realized that many men simply don’t understand how to guide their partners to orgasm during lovemaking, and too many women don’t know how to ask for what they need.
Before you start feeling guilty, you need to understand a simple truth about the female orgasm: It’s just not as easy for women as it is for men to experience a mind-blowing orgasm during lovemaking.
It’s Not Your Fault! Biology is to Blame
Biologically, men have far more sensitive nerve endings on their sexual organs, which are easily accessible to themselves and their partner, making it easier for them to climax. In fact, as my readers know, sometimes it’s too easy for a man to climax during sex!
It’s very different for women. Their nerve endings are just as sensitive as yours, but they’re hidden away and need specific kinds of stimulus. The first step in bringing your partner to orgasm is learning what excites her, and the only way you’re going to find out is by asking her.
Communication Is the First Step Toward Enlightenment
Although most women are adept at bringing themselves to a shuddering climax—they know how to “speak” to their own bodies—they aren’t always good at explaining their needs to their partners. Many women are shy, and others, especially those who have been in relationships for many years, don’t feel like they have the time or energy to teach their partners “new” tricks. Sometimes it’s easier to go without—or even fake it!—so they can help you focus on your own pleasure.
But as anyone who’s experienced an orgasm during lovemaking knows, enjoying an orgasm with your partner is one of the most intimate expressions of love and passion. If you love your wife or girlfriend, you’ll certainly want to help her experience that moment with you.
Encourage your partner to talk about what excites her. Ask her what feels good. At first she may feel reluctant to share her thoughts, but as she realizes your goal is to bring her greater pleasure, she’ll begin to open up to you. By learning to talk to your partner about her physical pleasure, you’ll equip yourself with the tools you need to explore her body and help her experience the ultimate release.
The Body–Brain Connection
The most important sex organ in a woman is her brain! You can have the best lovemaking techniques in the world, but if you don’t engage her mind, you’ll never succeed in guiding her to orgasm during sex.
For women, sexual satisfaction begins long before you start making love with her. When women say they’re “not in the mood,” they often mean that they’re too tired or worried to focus on themselves and their pleasure. Mood is affected by almost every aspect of a woman’s life, including inhibitions, stress, health, state of mind, activity level, sleep patterns, workload and her feelings about you and your relationship.
Although you can’t fix everything in her life, you can certainly help. Spend time with her, talk to her about her day and ask her what’s going on in her life. Cook dinner and help out around the house. If you have young children, take over their bedtime rituals—you might even suggest your partner take a bath while you’re putting the kids to bed. And don’t forget to tell her you love her!
As your wife or girlfriend begins to feel more relaxed and pampered, you’ll find she has more time to think about herself and her needs. That’s when the magic starts to happen. Gently encourage her to talk about your sexual life together. Tell her how important it is that she enjoys sex to the fullest. It might take time to convince her that you’re serious, but keep at it, and you’ll soon find she’s “in the mood” more often. As your relationship improves, so will your sex life.
You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks!
The old saying is simply not true! Invest in a few outstanding sex guides, such as books, eBooks or videos, and learn a few techniques you and your partner can enjoy together. If your wife is reluctant to participate in the educational process, surprise her in bed with a few new moves. Just make sure she knows where you learned them!
Although you and your partner may not experience immediate success with the female orgasm, practice makes perfect. Don’t give up if your first few attempts don’t work. Continue to learn more about her body and encourage her to feel more passionate and sexually healthy, and you’ll soon be able to show her the true pleasure of lovemaking—mind-blowing orgasms.