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The softer side of sex

Female Orgasm

The softer side of sex

“Men have only two emotions: horny and hungry. If you see your man without an erection, make him a sandwich.”

Relationships can be hard. Really hard. Except when they’re not… At some point or another, you will experience relationships that are a little, er, softer than usual. It could be during the first time or the 257th time – it doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s just like a Nutella craving: it could strike at any time!

Only, unlike Nutella, it doesn’t come with that supremely satisfying feeling that radiates from your sugar loving core. In fact, it doesn’t come at all. Which is kind of the problem.

So what does it mean when you can’t rise to the occasion? Is it you? Is it your partner? Is it the six-pack of Jack and Coke you just drank? Sweet baby Moses, let’s just rewind for a second.

To be honest, it could be any of those. Actual erectile dysfunction – that deflating bedroom moment that sounds just like placid Venus – is pretty rare in a man under 50 (unless it’s a chronic thing – then to the doctor with you immediately!). The most common reason for a softer sitch in the fresher is actually too much booze. Unfortunately, while alcohol does lower your inhibitions, it also lowers a few other things too. It’s the same with drugs, prescription or otherwise (even cough syrup or painkillers could do it). If that’s a possibility, wait until you have miraculously recovered from your bout of man flu and try again. Caffeine and cigarettes can also have a detrimental effect on your little friend, so ditch those ahead of the big event if you want a fighting chance.

Under pressure

Then there are all the psychological factors that come into play. And, boy oh boy, are there many! To start with, stress and anxiety are known to have an adverse effect on blood flow to the male reproductive organ. In layman’s terms: if you’re in a funk, it will affect your junk. So if you’ve had a hard day at work, give yourself a break for a change.

Another big reason could be that you’re feeling guilty. Perhaps you’re having second thoughts about things, or you have even actually strayed. In this case, your conscience (bless it) could be getting in the way. If this is the case, it’s best to wait until you’re clothed to bring it up and explain things.

What’s probably going on in that head of yours though, especially if it’s still early days in your relationship, is good old performance anxiety. You might be intimidated by her looks, her confidence or her sexy smarts; or you might just be really, really into her (I know, the irony). Combine that with those aforementioned Jack and Cokes, and suddenly it’s softer than Miley’s foam finger in there.

So what do you do when you just can’t get a raise? Well, as awkward as it is for you, remember that things are just as awkward for your partner as well. So don’t get upset if she blurts something along the lines of “is there anything I can do to help you out here?”. I know, she might as well have said, “Is something wrong with you? Because it seems like there’s something wrong with you.” Don’t let your sensitive little man ears get in the way and create a bigger fuss. But don’t start talking about it in extensive detail either. Verbally drawing attention to things will only make it more difficult for you to erect the big top next time that the circus comes to town. But, of course, you can’t ignore it either – it’s the deflated elephant in the room.

First and foremost, take the pressure down a notch. Suggest oral sex instead. Or an old-fashioned make-out session. Or even a massage.

The hard facts

Sex isn’t simply rubbing your genitals together like you’re both trying to start some kind of fleshy campfire – there’s a lot more to it. Sometimes it happens to us ladies too – a lot of guys don’t seem to realize women can’t always get, um, dewy on command, either.

Above all, know that most of the time the problem is just temporary. Erections are like kittens – all up in your face one minute and then hiding under the bed the next. If you’re still frustrated, want to know what always stands to attention? A stiff spoonful of Nutella. Now that stuff never disappoints.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Never allow your erection to dictate your self-worth. That thing couldn’t conduct an orchestra, let alone be trusted to direct your entire ego.

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