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Sex as Theatre: Performance Art and the Anorgasmic Woman

Female Orgasm

Sex as Theatre: Performance Art and the Anorgasmic Woman

Orgasm – that one word can bring feelings of immense pleasure to those who come by them easily, but it often only strikes fear and desperate anxiety in the hearts of anorgasmic women who spend their time and energy trying to “fix” a part of them perceived to be “broken” and unable to achieve something seen as necessary to the female experience.

Scientific research has shown us that somewhere between 10% and 15% of women report never experiencing orgasm, with a partner or during masturbation. There are a few theories about what may be the cause of this so-called anomaly. It is hypothesized that there may be some genetic and physical basis, and it is also suggested that without actual MRIs, it can’t be proven that anorgasmic women aren’t experiencing orgasm. They may in fact be having orgasmic experiences that are mild in comparison to our televised ideal, and just don’t realize it!

Ultimately, however, no matter the cause for anorgasmia, the culture in which we live and the ideas we grow up on shape us into a culture which idealizes orgasm as the epitome of good sex, discarding everything else as just not good enough.

Sex as Commodity

We often view sex as something that takes away from her value as a human, and that somehow the younger and less experienced a woman is, the more valuable the sex is. Furthermore, the commodity model suggests that if a woman doesn’t experience an orgasm, something is wrong with either her or her partner, that the sexual experience is less valuable without the payoff of orgasm. Sex is then seen as a transaction, where a woman gives up something of her own self-worth in exchange for the pleasure of orgasm, and a man works to give her said orgasm in exchange for the payoff of his own pleasure.

The problem with this model, of course, is that no one actually loses anything from the act of sex. The experience of sex, with or without an orgasm, leads to improvement in just about every aspect of daily life – mental, physical, emotional and even spiritual health.

Sex as Performance

When I use the word “performance” you might feel judged immediately. Most men learn early on that when it comes to sex, your “performance” refers to how good you are at “giving” orgasms. Of course, this language brings us right back to the idea of orgasm as a thing, rather than an experience. Only in the English language to we equate our physical experiences with who we are (“I am hungry, cold, thirsty, lonely, stressed or horny”) and things we have (“I had an orgasm, a headache, or a cold.”) Our languages isn’t particularly designed to talk about experiences as they are – events that occur based on actions we do, or don’t, as the case may be.

So what does this teach us about how to approach sex and orgasm?

Try for a moment to think about sex as an art, like a musical performance, and the body as an instrument. A young and inexperienced musician, while perhaps heartening and exciting, can’t possibly compare to a musician with years of experience and dozens of performances under her belt! Rather than losing value with each experience, the artist is valued because of her experiences, because of her ability to improve her skills and her depth of appreciation for the art with every note.

With this model, a woman with sexual experience, who has learned her instrument inside and out, is valued as a skilled performer. More than this, the artist is appreciated and the art enjoyed whether the symphony ends in a loud, energetic climax… or a slow, sensual fade off into silence. Discarding sex without orgasm as invaluable and “not good enough” is like walking out of a romantic comedy because there weren’t enough explosions!

Give Up On Orgasm?

Does adopting a performance model for your sexual exploration mean resigning your wife and yourself to a life without female orgasm? Certainly not! No more than agreeing to go to a romantic comedy for date night means giving up action movies forever. Sure, your wife may not enjoy action movies as much as love stories that make her laugh, but that doesn’t mean she will never see an action movie she likes, does it?

All it means is that both of you can relax, stop worrying so much about getting all the “explosions” perfect, and instead focus on the incredible intricacies of sensational experience that the human instrument can enjoy. Relax, forget about orgasm for a while, and instead take your time just feeling good together!

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. Rosy

    February 29, 2012 at 3:47 am

    Hey Gabby, I’m female & have been enjoying your advice for maybe 2 years now. DO you think it may be time to educate we girls on the art of intoxicating our men to the fullest? Certainly what I’ve read so far helps both sexes. It’s a win- win situation, but I’d love to return the favour to him as well.

  2. Akin

    February 29, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I want you to descrip how i can enlarge and make my penis longer though i have a sizable type

  3. Akin

    February 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Hello,
    What is the different between G-Spot and U-Spot

  4. EMMY

    March 1, 2012 at 1:21 am

    ALL WOMEN REACH ON ORGASMS THROUGH CLITORIS.THANKS

  5. abdul rahman kamara

    March 25, 2012 at 4:13 am

    some people do not actually understood our beloved Gabrielle and therefore, their comments are waaaay off track.
    you are good Gabrielle – orgasms is not the world and is not life either, just as the saying – “sex is not everything”

  6. John

    October 17, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Wow, what a great article Gabrielle! I must admit that I had allowed my focus to become to performance oriented and was missing out on the overall shear enjoyment of sex itself… Thank You so much for helping me to get back on track mentally. Btw, I can not express in words just how much your articles and ebooks have helped me as a lover in bed! Learning from a women how to please a women and better understand how a women thinks sexually has been one of the best investments I have ever made!!! Thank You Gabrielle 🙂

  7. nasser

    October 29, 2012 at 10:44 am

    one of my unforgettable moments is my sex life and giving her a pleasure is my satisfaction.

  8. stuart

    December 25, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    Ive have a problem and its getting worse. Im a male in 50s that has a hard time having an orgasm, it take at least an hour of constant stimulation and many times I dont. It seams like this would be great, I can last for more than an hour, she cums several times, at least 8. After years, we both dont want always that much time,and she acts like its a choir and dosnt have time. seen dr. and found no physical problems, this is distroying our marage, do you have any sugestions?

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