“It has been a long week. I need one of those hugs that turn into sex.”
The decline and fall of the married (or committed sex life) is a myth. The truth is much hotter. Twenty-something dudes today have no idea how easy they have it when it comes to sex, with their hook-up culture and their fancy smartphones that sext. A former boyfriend of mine once walked five miles in a blizzard because I had called him up (on his house phone!) and asked if he wanted to listen to the new White Zombie CD. He didn’t even like White Zombie, but he hoped that might be code for “have sex”. It turns out he was right! Then we had to get married, because that’s how it worked back then. Just kidding, but we did end up being together for a fairly long period of time.
The young fellas today think decade-long monogamous sex lives are pretty, but they’re oh so wrong. Here are three reasons an elder guy outperforms some hipster who thinks an emoticon counts as seduction.
You’ve seen it all, and that’s a good thing
When guys are young, they’re surprisingly uptight about sex. It’s all about looking cool, trying to re-create the sex you’ve seen in movies. Nakedness is still an uncomfortably real experience. A more mature guy has probably seen everything a woman has to offer, physically: the good, the bad, the sexy and the scary. Stuff like being together when the going gets rough – for example when your partner/wife is giving birth or during a severe case of stomach flu can only bring you closer. And I mean that sexually as well. While these trials might seem like permanent mood-killers, the reality is they only loosen you up in the bedroom. Plus, you reach a point where a woman is no longer a vending machine for your very own, personal pleasures, and this makes you appreciate her body more than ever. And trust me, a woman appreciates this kind of, well, appreciation.
You want to be her trophy partner
It’s a rare man who can avoid the weight gain that comes with the stability of a tight relationship. Bt you don’t have to look into the void and completely lose control of your body. Even though there will be times when you see yourself as a bloated, out-of-shape man, there’s always the other option: busting your ass in the gym. Instead of being all about doughnuts, cheese fries, and whiskey, you can be all about crunches, plank positions, and the dreaded side-plank moves. We all love fatty food, but we love athletic sex even more – and you’ll be surprised to find yourself at a point where you can do things that you couldn’t do in your twenties. Rest assured, those planks will eventually come in handy during intercourse. In the best of ways.
You’ve finally learned that it’s quality, not quantity
Say what you will about how hard it is to have a decent sex life during the post-honeymoon years, when you know each other so well it’s hard to find excitement everywhere, like you used to when you first started going out together – but you can always lock the house you both leave in and escape for a week-end of lazying around and doing it when you feel like it, in between watching your favorite TV show. What I’m trying to say is that now, finally, you have enough time to fully appreciate intimacy. For instance, you rediscover the pleasure of a by-the-book foreplay routine, a thing which is practically non-existent in the sex lives of the twenty-somethings of today. So buckle up and be grateful you’ve got all this experience behind you. Sex is finally that much better than you’ve ever imagined it could be. Bonus points: women are much easier to turn on and more open to kinkiness and fantasies of all sorts.
Have a sexy week,
P.S. Do you find yourself envying your younger self? Are you sure you’re remembering those times correctly? Take a minute to compare your sex life now as opposed to then. From a quality standpoint, of course.