“Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.”
Forget Snapchat, this is real life. I’ve prepared for you a four point plan for getting her hot via your smartphone. The idea came to me one afternoon, while I was having lunch with my best friend and her boyfriend had just sent her one of those corny “Hey babe, what are you wearing?” messages. After getting her blessing to mess with him, I decided to beat this guy at his own game. So as a joke, with her by my side, I started sending him some sexy messages.
“I’m wearing pigtails and nothing else”, I replied on her behalf. “What are you going to do about it?” We spent an hour playing what amounted to an X-rated Choose Your Own Adventure. We might have been laughing, but actually, it was pretty hot. Okay, it was really hot. Obviously, the guy thought so too.
The experience launched what has now become a full-blown side job as a sexting Cyrano de Bergerac. So I’ve made it my mission to help you come out of your shell and embrace your sexuality. It’s my duty to pay my sextpertise forward. What I’ve learned (and I’m eager to teach you) is that there seems to be a direct correlation between having game in person and totally lacking it in the digital sphere. Also, you should know that being great at sexy texts doesn’t involve naked selfies and Snapchat. But while texting can involve a quick pic, it’s not a requirement (and it’s safer without one).
Plus, a recent study revealed that women are twice as likely to sext as men are. So if you want to send your parner a sexy text message and you want the sexting to be efficient, you will have to take charge. The trick is to send a clear sign that you want in on some virtual foreplay but to still make your message ambiguous enough that you can claim innocence of any dirty intentions. Here’s how.
#1. Paint a Snapchat with your words. So you get the sense that she’s definitely up for the game. Now what? I usually counsel against sending nudie pics. If it happened to celebrities, it can happen to you! Plus, you don’t want some disgruntled ex exposing your boudoir shots all over the web. If you are new at sexting, just the thought of sex with you should be enough to get a woman hot and bothered. If your partner is bugging you to send pictures, try painting one with words instead. Note: using the word “hard” in such a context should be enough to get her mind racing. If it doesn’t, her imagination might be malfunctioning.
#2. Cut the cutesy emoji. There are enough crossed signals when you’re trying to convey emotions via a text – why complicate it with a bunch of random icons? It’s hard for anyone to get hot for a winking panda and a couple of pink hearts. Best-case scenario: She thinks you’re doing an impression of Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. Worst? You remind her of her 6-year-old cousin. So cut the cutesy stuff and keep this conversation adults only.
#3. Let your freak fantasy flag fly. I find that the old trick to combat stage fright works doubly well for sexting. I just imagine the recipient in their underwear. And instead of your long-term partner who cooks you pancakes in the morning, you’re texting with Penelope Cruz. Or Sharon Stone. The fun part of texting is to be aggressive, not passive, so don’t worry about what a “nice girl” would think. Believe me, even the nicest girls appreciate some naughty. Need a reference point? Turn to an inside joke between the two of you, like how obsessed you are with Game of Thrones. Just play if confident and direct the conversation. She’ll take the hint.
#4. Figure out your sext goals. Don’t dive into the digital dance of depravity without first deciding what you want the end result to be. Do you want to meet up that night for some nooky? Just looking for a sex buddy? It’s all good, but having a clear idea of what you want to get out of the experience makes it easier to set boundaries and avoid an awkward 4 a.m. rejection.
Have a sexy week,
P.S. Repeat after me: “I’m in control, I’m setting the scene.” If I’ve done my job right, your texting fingers have a busy night ahead.