“I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.” – Joan Crawford

From deep-throating to anal sex, I investigate how porn is affecting what we do in the bedroom.

She reluctantly gets down on her hands and knees – as she’s been instructed – and crawls through her boyfriend’s dingy apartment and into his bedroom. He grabs her and throws her on to the bed. He tells her that he wants to “f*ck [her] from behind” and starts recreating the kind of rough sex he’s most likely seen in plenty of pornos before. It ends with him masturbating over her and ejaculating on her breasts. “I don’t think I like that”, she says. “I, like, really didn’t like that.”

Messy relationships

That scene from Girls, between Adam and his new girlfriend Natalia, was one of the most controversial of the show’s second season. For a series that is most often praised by critics for its honest depiction of Gen Y’s messy relationships, how realistic was writer Lena Dunham’s portrayal of the events between Adam and Natalia? Are more of us having youporn.com-inspired sex? Are woman taking it on the chin (or breasts or face) because they think that’s what’s normal?

Emma says yes. In fact, she has been through something similar. “Guys have come on me before and it’s gross. If they have to do it, do it on my stomach, not my face. It’s belittling”, she shares. “I’ve told guys that I don’t like it and they’re usually respectful of that, but sometimes… they think it’s funny. When it does happen, I remind them I said no for a reason – but what can I do? It’s already on my face.”

Online sex ed

It’s no revelation that porn is easy to access. While men previously had to pass around dog-eared girlie mags, all we need now is an internet connection. Studies have revealed that 47 per cent of porn users watch more than 30 minutes and up to three hours a day. What isn’t so obvious, though, is how it is shaping our bedroom performance. The current generation of young people is the first to be growing up with porn. Porn is, for many, their first introduction to sex, rather than their first exposure being something like kissing their partner.

The problems arise when those who use porn don’t see it as the exaggerated version of sex that it is, and instead watch is as a form of education. Porn does teach men some pretty dodgy ideas, and that does shape some of their sexual practices. Anal intercourse is certainly the one thing that women mention the most when you ask them about impacts of their partner’s porn use. The second is deep fellatio – you know, penis-down-the-throat sex. Another practice is ejaculating on women’s faces and bodies. Lastly, men also become more interested in making their own porn by filming their partners.

There can be benefits to watching porn, like learning about different sexual practices, and giving and receiving pleasure. But when men are presented with a limited representation of what sexual expression is, as is often portrayed in mainstream straight porn, they may develop ideas about sex, sexuality and body image based on that limited representation.

Life imitating porn

When it comes to doing it like they do in the X-rated movies, it seems anal sex is the top prize. Joey used to watch porn every day before getting together with his partner. He now only watches it once a week, he explains, but he still loves the fantasy of it. “I have wanted to re-enact things that I’ve seen. I have had a threesome with a woman and another man. That was alright. I have been masking my girlfriend is she’ll do anal. She won’t do it now, but she’ll work her way to it”, he explains.

Peter was 16 when he first started watching porn, to “show [him] what you’re supposed to do”. Now 37 years and single, Peter still watches porn for inspiration. “I love the fantasy of it, the massive tits. I haven’t tried anal yet, but I want to with the right person.” While women in porn achieve multiple orgasms every time they’re entered from behind – giving men a blasé view of anal – many women have a different perspective. Rosie tried anal sex with her partner when they were drunk one night, after months of him pleading with her to do it. “It was uncomfortable and it hurt”, she says. “I would never do it again – it didn’t feel good at all, and why do something that doesn’t feel good?”

Anal sex itself isn’t a problem – there are plenty of women who enjoy it. The issue is the constant pressure to live up to pornographic sexpectations. Emma has been propositioned by two boyfriends. “One said, ‘Oh, so you have your period, so you want to do it in the other hole?’ The other one told me, ‘I don’t have a condom, let’s just do it the other way.’ I’ve had friends who’ve done it. They told me you need to use a lot of lube and that it will hurt the first few times. But the man has to be patient. These guys didn’t want to wait at all.”

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. The influence of pornographic movies goes as far as making some women want to do plastic surgeries… down there, to look more like the porno actresses their partners see in porns. Scary, right?

“You have to accept the fact that part of the sizzle of sex comes from the danger of sex. You can be overpowered.” – Camille Paglia

You may think “You look nice” is a perfectly sweet compliment to pay your girlfriend. And it is. But it can come across as a trite line rather than something tailored to her, especially when it comes to the sensitive domain of complimenting her in the bedroom. See, the more specific you get when you praise a woman, the more she’ll eat it up. To better understand what kind of words will make her day, or night, read on.

“You look so amazing in that underwear.”

You know the tortuously long hour she spends getting ready for some big event? The same goes for the preparation for a big night with just the two of you as guests. She does it for you, dum-dum! That’s why you have to acknowledge that she looks even more radiant than the usual. Reassure her that you noticed the effort and appreciate it by singling out something specific. You can borrow this line: “Your eyes look so awesome when you wear that color.”

“I’m impressed with…”

Your partner wants to know she stands apart from the masses, especially when it comes to her bedroom capabilities. One way to convey that is by drawing attention to her unique talents. If she is creative or imaginative between the sheets, speaks a few languages fluently and isn’t afraid to use this talents paired with some intense moaning, or has a great way of going down on you, highlight what makes her different. Not only does it make her feel special, but it also shows just how well you know her, which is flattering in itself.

“That felt incredible.”

The better a woman thinks she is in bed, the more she’ll want to be into the horizontal game play. This is fact. So boost her sexual self-confidence by praising her erotic skills. Women often worry about whether they are pleasing their partners. During sex or afterward in bed, let her know how good it felt by pointing out how crazy you are about one of her moves.

“You always know…”

When you come home from a gnarly day of work to find the game’s on and she’s whipped up a pizza, tell her, “You always know how to cheer me up.” A comment like that goes much further than, “Hey, thanks.” She likes to hear that she’s uniquely adept at making you feel better, either in bed or outside of it. It reinforces what a nurturing girlfriend she is and how lucky you feel to have her.

Have a hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Also, communicating with her your needs and pleasure is also received as a compliment. By it, she sees that you have that much confidence in her and are sure she will receive well whatever you have to say. So go ahead, be open. You won’t even have to say “You’re beautiful”.

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.” – Sex and the City

Your ex popping up at your local bar is bad, but in bed? Must-stop-right-now! Awkward to say the least. Your former relationship is over and done, her old night gown has been hidden at the back of the drawer, and you’ve finally found someone else to get naked with. But what if your ex is still in your bed? Psychologically, that is. If you’re afraid to ask for oral because your ex hated doing it or you always leave your socks on because she laughed at your ‘funny’ toes – then, yes, you have a sexual hangover. But don’t worry, I’ve got cures that work faster than a Berocca and Macca’s hash-brown combo.

The Hangover

Zero body love

“The first person I slept with as a teenager was derogatory about my body, and now I can only really relax if the lights are off”, admits Robert, 35.

The cure: It only takes a single comment to make you feel damaged. But while it’s all too easy to take on a belief, in reality a cruel comment is more likely to be about her insecurities than anything to do with you. If you are holding on to something unkind she said to you, let it go. Because if a woman is in bed with you, she thinks you’re hot. Fact. And you know what’s even hotter than a naked you? A confident naked you. Think of a celeb you think works it, and channel their style.

The Hangover:

Missionary rut

“Whenever I suggested trying out something a bit kinky, my ex said she couldn’t do it as she felt I was degrading her”, recalls Eugene. “I left that relationship feeling quite shy about my sex life, and now I’m insecure and really uncomfortable asking for what I want.”

The cure: Granted, you might frighten her if you ask her to build a Fifty-Shades-style Red Room of Pain, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for what you want. Past experiences, particularly intimate ones when we feel unsure and vulnerable, can and do leave a lasting impression. Whenever this happens, it’s important to try to remember that these experiences – and the thoughts and feelings they created – belong to the past, to the situation they originally occurred in. So consider your new relationship a clean, fresh slate, and speak up and ask your partner for what you want. I bet my shoe fund that she’ll be stoked and reward your courage.

The Hangover:

Sexpectations

“My ex was very demanding in the bedroom”, Clive confides. “Now I’m dating a girl and I know she adores me, but she doesn’t want sex and I struggle with not being lusted after 24/7.”

The cure: It’s time to change your expectations. We don’t hear much about women’s lack of sex drive, despite it being so very common. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you or isn’t attracted to you – a low libido could be the result of something as simple as stress. Try to broaden your idea of sex, and get more creative in the bedroom.

The Hangover:

Climax fears

“My ex used to make it clear that I should feel grateful whenever I managed to make her orgasm”, says Hunter. “Basically, her pleasure was a massive chore for me. Consequently, I feel tense and guilty in the same situations with my current girlfriend, which means it can take her longer to reach orgasm. This just makes me feel even more guilty, as she thinks she’s doing something wrong.”

The cure: You’re not locked into being a certain way just because that’s what you’ve experienced in the past. In these circumstances, the best thing you can do is communicate with your new partner openly and honestly. Having said that, it’s best not to mention your past sex life. Your new partner has nothing to do with your previous relationship, so rather than oversharing about your ex, explain that you love when you make her orgasm and you just need to relax. I know bringing up the topic can be scarier than opening your credit card statement after a holiday binge – but if you don’t, nothing will change. Let her teach you what she likes in bed and you will start enjoying your sex life.

5 signs you’re not over your ex 

• You still choose the long way back from work so you can drive past her house. And you do so at 40km/h along her street.
• A trip to the corner store for milk takes you more than 15 minutes, just in case you bump into her.
• You’ve opened fake Instagram and Twitter accounts so you can follow her movements without her finding out.
• You regularly send her sister messages – even though you never liked her when you were together.
• You’re counting the days until her birthday so you have an actual, non-creepy reason to get in touch with her.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Why linger in the past when the future is so bright and new and so much more interesting. Move on.

“Sex is better than talk…Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.” – Woody Allen

When you aren’t getting the sex that you want, what do you do about it? According to the couples I’ve interviewed over the years, the answer is anything that doesn’t involve asking for it. Why make it so complicated? Simply telling her what you like is a huge turn-on for most women. They’re after great sex – and they’re desperate to give it to you, too.

It seems that “asking for it” is the one box on the How-To-Get-What-You-Want checklist that remains un-ticked by many of you. Whether it’s telling her that you don’t like her oral technique of that fantasy she wants to play out, articulating those feelings can leave even the most experienced of men fumbling for words.

But however uncomfortable and awkward it might be, you have to find your voice: in communicating with women, it’s the most effective tool you have.

Untie your tongue! 

Your main sex-talk issues:

1)    Being afraid to articulate what you want.

2)    Thinking you shouldn’t even have to say it – she should know

3)    Saying it, then feeling frustrated when nothing changes

4)    Feeling confused as to what you want in the first place.

Do any of the above sound like you? Here’s how to get the sex you want:

1. “I’m afraid to say it.”

This is, by far, the biggest reason you don’t speak up. Work out what’s driving that fear.

• Fear of looking stupid. You might worry you’ll sound like a porno, but that’s actually a great place to start. Imagine you’re doing a porn voice-over: say the words out loud to yourself, really going for it. It will feel odd at first, but eventually they will sound ordinary. Then say what you want to say – it won’t be as bad.

• Fear of upsetting her. What are you protecting her from? Becoming your ideal lover, that’s what. Asking her to stop, start or change something doesn’t have to be criticism – it’s direction. And if it sounds inviting and not as though you’re nagging, she’ll love it. Women repeatedly say they love sex with men who know what they want and aren’t afraid to ask.

• Fear of making her angry. Some people react angrily to feeling criticized or embarrassed, but if you approach your partner with respect and care, she’ll have nothing to react to. If, however, you’re feeling angry with her, those negative vibes will leak into everything you say. Take the sex talk out of the bedroom. Be honest without accusing her, and give her the chance to do the same, too. Sex mirrors the quality of your relationship. Improve one and you’ll improve both.

• Fear of being judged. You’re probably judging yourself. You can’t control your sexuality; it’s formed by a gazillion pieces of info collected over a lifetime. Unless you’re putting yourself in any sort of danger, you’ve got nothing to judge yourself about – and neither does anyone else.

2. “I shouldn’t have to say anything”

You’re frustrated – you think you’ve already tried everything. You’re angry because your partner is forcing you into the uncomfortable position of having to say what you want. But “if she really cared, she’d know” is a cop-out that’s only going to take you further from the sex you know you want. It’s very simple. Those who don’t ask, don’t get. One more try could lead to bliss.

3. “I spoke up, but nothing has changed”

When you’ve found the courage to say what you want, then had to say it again with little or no result, it’s either time to give up and get out, or say something different.

• If your relationship is new… her “not hearing” could be a warning sign – she’s only out to please herself. Or perhaps you haven’t learnt to speak each other’s language yet. Next time, tell her in very simple terms. If she still doesn’t listen, you might have to consider your options. If she won’t give a little in bed, what are the chances she’ll be willing to make room for your needs in other areas of the relationship?
• If you’ve been with your partner long term… and recently found your voice only to discover she’s not listening, don’t give up. People are creatures of habit. When you try to change, add or stop something after so long, she could mistake suggestions for complaints. Tread carefully around her fragile ego and use positive, upbeat language.

4. “What if I don’t know what I want?”

If you’re still fairly new to sex or you haven’t yet been in a relationship that lets you explore your needs, you have a whole world to uncover. Finding out what you want in bed is like discovering what types of food you enjoy from hundreds of new tastes. One day you’ll want to try something exotic from the menu; the next you’ll want to stick to what you know. Your palate will grow with experience.

Have a hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Owning your sexuality means speaking up about your needs and how you want them satisfied. Don’t settle for less!

“Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love” – Bertrand Russell

Who doesn’t want to be one of those couples who have such unreal amounts of chemistry, the air practically shimmers around them? Experts say that with enough lust and trust, we can all have it, or at least come close.

Maybe you’ve already experienced a gripping, all consuming, complete-each-other relationship at some point in your life. Wherever you went – to a bar, to the movies, to the grocery store – it felt as if you and your girl were the only people there. Like the world was so as-it-should-be when you were together that it practically stopped turning when you parted ways. Experts refer to that supercharged, almost electric phenomenon as consummate, epic love. It’s like the holy grail of love: a perfect blend of passion, intimacy and commitment. Not only are the partners best friends who connect with each other on a very deep emotional level, but they also can’t keep their hands off each other – so the sex is mind blowing. Not surprisingly, this love of all loves is hard to find and hard to maintain. But it is possible. More good news: it’s also possible to transform a comfortable relationship into the crazy-connected kind, if you’re willing to take a few risks.

It starts with lust

Without exception, all epic loves start with a massive dose of lust – when you meet someone and, the second you lock eyes, your thighs go up in flames. According to experts, that amped-up sexual pull isn’t a product of your imagination – it’s rooted in biology. When you’re instantly attracted to someone, your body actually produces a surge of the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone, meaning you’re physiologically more turned on. But that’s just the beginning. Truly epic love takes longer than that to develop. Experts agree that you need at least three months to move beyond infatuation to true love. The first month is filled with lust. During the second month, you discover your partner’s deeper qualities and interests. If you have some shared ones, you could be on your way to epic. But the more significant qualifier goes beyond physical lust and common interests: it’s when your values mirror each other’s. Epic love can’t ever come from a genuine, authentic place faster than three months. To connect fully with someone on the most intimate level, you have to trust their values – and you just can’t do that until you’ve known them for a long enough period of time. If someone is laying out their core values to you right at the beginning of a relationship, it’s likely not coming from a genuine place, and that’s a big red flag. But if each passing month and each new revelation about how you both think and feel brings you closer together, you’re well into epic territory.

Why epic love can be so explosive

Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder, J.Lo and Ben Affleck, Heidi Klum and Seal… there’s an integral aspect of epic love that makes it especially apt to go up in flames: the power dynamic is completely equal – both parties know that they have found their match. There is no sense that anyone has settled or that anyone could do any better. But as a result of being so perfectly matched, neither partner gives in easily – so when epic lovers butt heads, it can lead to epic, destructive arguments. Ironically, the passion that fuels their attraction is the same passion that fuels their fights. Some couples survive and even thrive on this intense push-pull because they’re able to compromise, but others don’t. For them, a never-ending tug-of-war over minor differences ends up tearing them apart. In order for an over-the-top love affair to last, both people have to be willing to curb their ego on a regular basis.

Upgrade your love

Any elevated emotion is hard to maintain over long periods of time, and epic love is no exception. If your relationship started out hot, hot, hot and you have that nothing-compares-to-you connection but you’re currently spending more time chilling in your sweatpants than lighting each other on fire, you can still raise the bar. There are two key strategies.

First, show your partner you’re still absolutely crazy about her. Every. Single. Day. It sounds obvious, but if you both go out of your way to demonstrate your love as often as possible, it really helps keep your connection charged up. Your romantic gestures don’t have to be big, but they do have to have a certain intensity. Roll over in bed in the morning, look her straight in the eye for a drawn-out moment, and tell her you love her, send her a text in the middle of the day letting her know that you are hands down the luckiest guy in the world, or describe exactly how you felt the first time you met her. The goal is to keep your love declarations frequent, surprising and emphatic.

Second, you have to continually up your sexual game. That means grabbing her as she walks by you and giving her a hard kiss, whispering things that make the hairs on her back stand on end, and bringing an endless stream of new moves to bed with you. Novelty releases the feel-good hormone dopamine, which in turn cranks up arousal. Open conversations about what you both like in bed and want to try next is a must. And if there’s something she’s craving, always consider it. Even if you’re not willing to grant her every wish, you can find a way to satisfy some aspect of the urge. In turn, it’s crucial for you to initiate conversations about your own fantasies and discuss how you’d love to see them play out in real life. Yes, that kind of openness takes guts and balls-to-the-wall honesty, but that’s a part of what makes epic love so, well, epic.

Have a hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Since novelty is the key to upgrading sex from good to wow, you’re going to need fresh ideas, so stay close!

“Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk – real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.” – Jack Kerouac

Experts say that creating a specific kind of mood during booty almost guarantees your orgasms. All you have to do is laugh your pants off. Yes, I am being serious, this is no laughing matter.

A new study from Penn State University found that playfulness is one of the top personality traits couple look for in one another. No shock there – why would anyone want to date a serious sourpuss? But there’s some info that is actually surprising. According to experts, that fun, jokey vibe is even more important in bed. Playing around and laughing releases tons of chemicals into your system that bring you more pleasure and even makes it easier to orgasm. Let me explain…

Laugh your way to orgasm

Having a giggle attack midsession may not seem romantic, but hear me out. When you laugh, your body releases endorphins, so you feel more euphoric, which increases your pleasure overall. Plus, it instantly lowers the release of the stress hormone cortisol. As a result, you are not tense and are less likely to have performance anxiety while doing it. This allows you to focus more on enjoying the moment, which makes it easier for both your minds and bodies to let go and climax.

Finally, there’s the novelty factor. Chances are, you have more sensual and passionate sex than you do the goof-off kind. So when you start cracking up, it makes the whole thing feel fresh. Doing something new or different releases dopamine into your system, which makes you feel pleasure more easily and intensely.

Get the giggles going

Of course, it would be weird to suddenly burst into laughter while she’s fondling the boys – your partner may even worry that you’re laughing at one of her moves. So you’ll need to find natural ways to lighten the mood. Try initiating a tickle fight as things are heating up. No matter how old you are, it’s almost impossible not to laugh when someone tickles you.

Or switch up your location to make things feel more lively and fun. Pretend you’re horny high schoolers, and get it on outside (for example, in the privacy of your backyard) to “hide from your parents”. It will create a mischievous atmosphere that is sure to keep you smiling through all the oohs and aahs.

Build your funny gear

• Start off the night with some social games, but twist them so that they ring sex with every move. For example, try some scrabble with one rule: the words should be pornographic!
• If you’re on a lazy weekend at home, pass the afternoon by watching reruns of The Nanny. It’s almost impossible not to laugh your asses off while Fran Drescher is making those cute and funny noises or while Niles the butler looks oh-so-unimpressed all the time.
• If you’re wondering what to do on a boring work night, go out and have fun at a stand-up comedy session. When you come home, you’ll still have your body worked up from all the laughing and sex will suddenly be perfect way to end up a perfectly spend evening.
• Always have a joke up your sleeve. Not sleazy ones, mind you, women don’t really dig that kind of humor, unless your partner has an even dirties set of jokes. Start it off as a way of lighting up the mood and end it off with the biggest orgasm you both have experienced.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If you’re in the mood for something more creative, play the dress-up and guess-up game. Take turns in dressing up and miming your favorite actors and your good time will be there.

Guys have you been wondering what sex positions you can try with your special someone that can give her the most pleasure? If you think about it, technically the number of positions to utilize during sex is infinite. Realistically, most couples get caught in a rut of maybe two or three.

It can be a fine line and delicate dance to find sex positions that provide optimal orgasm potential that breaks you out of the same old dull routine but at the same time do not require a contortionist’s abilities. But if you dare to do the dance, it can be well worth the risk. Payoff will come with intense orgasms, no pun intended.

Branch Out and Break Out

For those of you who are seeking something new to add to your rolodex of sex positions in hopes of increasing your sweetie’s orgasm potential, consider branching out and trying any or all of the following:

More Than Missionary

First, don’t make the standard missionary position your main mission. No doubt the missionary position can be pleasurable but very few women orgasm from the regular missionary position. A good thing to do is to mix it up with the missionary position. One example is the Butterfly Position which is a modification of the regular missionary position. In the Butterfly Position the woman lies on her back on the bed with her hips on the bed’s edge. The man stands in front of her and penetrates her while she puts her ankles on his shoulders. She can also tilt her pelvis up or put a pillow under her hips. The Butterfly Position provides a perfect angle for cervical and uterine stimulation when the man penetrates deeply and it also allows for G-spot stimulation during more shallow penetration. Deep or shallow, the Butterfly can send a woman into orbit and it you are not just limited to the bed. Try any place where a woman can lie on her back and put her ankles on your shoulders. This can also mean a kitchen counter or dining room table. Think outside the box!

Bringing up the Rear

No doubt about it, doggie style sex can be hot! A great tip for having rear entry sex is to have your woman get on all fours on the bed while you stand behind her. After you penetrate her have her lower the top half of her body down on the bed so her shoulders touch the bed. This will raise her rear and also angle her vagina so that deep penetration and g-spot stimulation are possible.

Bonus tips for rear entry sex: reach around her and stimulate her clitoris with your hand or a vibrator, or use your fingers or a sex toy for anal play. This can all be done while you are having intercourse.

Ride Him Cowgirl

Have you been trying to come up with a sex position where your woman is dominant but can still orgasm intensely? Look no further than Reverse Cowgirl.  This position involves the man lying on his back. The woman climbs on top of him and faces away from him as she slowly takes in his penis while lowering herself onto him and straddling his waist. She can lean over a bit and put her hands on the guy’s knees for support if she needs to. The position has several benefits. This puts the woman in control which alone can be very sexy and help her break out of her sexual shell.   Controlling the depth of the penetration and the speed of intercourse helps her to learn what will make her have an orgasm. Once she learns that, she will be back for more. A great thing to do during Reverse Cowgirl is to reach around and play with her breasts and again, use this as an opportunity to stimulate her clitoris with your finger or a sex toy. That will give her that extra boost she needs to make her come very hard.

Avoid the Rut

Whatever position you have sex in it is important to at least attempt to mix things up. Avoid getting into a sexual rut at all costs. Ruts are boring and boring kills orgasms. Sometimes just making a small change at first can lead to big improvements. No one would like to eat the exact same meal every single day so it is easy to understand why people need changes in their sexual diet as well. Start with these three positions and see how they work for you.

“He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination – but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.”- Terry Pratchett

Sex life stuck in a rut? Can’t get it together to get it on? The same good old positions you’ve been at it don’t seem to work their magic anymore? Maybe all you need to do is spice up your boudoir repertoire.

Try my two weeks recipe for spiking sexual appetite, and your relationship- and sex life- will get that boost you’re after.

Day1. The sensory overload

If you’re partner is wearing a T-shirt or a blouse, only partially remove it, so the fabric covers her eyes but not her lips. You should then take off your own T-shirt and run your naked chest and face across her mouth, chest and belly, before heading further down. It will drive her insane!

Day2. Gender similarities

Men have a perineum (the skin between the scrotum and anus), but did you know chicks have one as well? It’s called the Perineal Sponge. Tickle it when you’re giving her oral sex.

Day3. Sweat it out

Love it when she’s all sweaty? Then just get her to skip her post-workout shower. Pheromones and natural body odors are what instinctively turn you on, so make the most of this sultry situation.

Day4. The power grab

Tie your partner up and slowly work your way down her body with gentle kisses and licks. When she’s begging for more, climb on top of her but only let an inch or two of your penis inside her at first, making her crazy with anticipation. When you’ll finally ride her, she’ll be just about ready to blow her stop.

Day5. The oral O

When you are going down on her, put your hand on her lower belly and pull up slightly. This pulls back the clitoral hood just enough to give you access but not so much it feels overwhelming. It will send her over the top.

Day6. String of pearls

Rub a string of pearls (not real ones, which will be damaged by sweat) between your lubed-up palms, then drape them across your partner’s inner thighs, stomach and package, and roll them over her skin. The smooth pearls on her just-as-smooth skin will treat her to feel-good friction. The more you roll and rub the pearls against her body, the warmer they’ll feel.

Day7. Good vibes

While you’re going down on her, as her excitement levels rise, hold a small vibrator against her labia or on her perineum. Start on a low setting and increase the intensity of the vibration as her arousal grows. The combination of your soft, wet mouth, and the pulsing of the vibrator in unfamiliar territory, will make her quiver. The two vastly different sensations keep her in a holding pattern, prolonging her pleasure.

Day8. Grab some paper and a pen and draw an outline of her body onto it. Then have her mark an X on all the places she likes to be kissed and touched. Voila- a sexy treasure map.

Day9. Scissor me timbers

While she’s lying on her back at the edge of the bed, raise her legs to a 90-degree angle. Stand and grip her ankles. As you enter her, hold her legs apart, then open and close them like scissors as you thrust. If you can master this move, you’ll be rewarded with more pleasure than the typical legs-up missionary. One minute, your penis feels snug inside her; the next, her vaginal canal is wider and you can go deeper. And the constantly alternating sensations mean that just as you’re reaching the point of no return, you’re just as soon taken back to being on the brink. That teasing will result in a seriously intense orgasm when you finally reach your peak.

Day10. Get freaked out.

Studies show that scary movies pump up your adrenalin, putting you in the mood for loving, so rent your favorite horror flick and get screaming- both kinds!

Day11. Draw her closer

As you sense your partner nearing climax during missionary sex, press your fingers into her bum cheeks, or wrap her legs around you and pull closer into her. The deeper a guy is inside a woman when she’s about to reach her peak, the wilder she gets. Drawing your partner closer to you also shows that you’re really hot for her. And it proves that you’re actively in tune with satisfying your own pleasure, as well as hers. That want-every-inch-of-you feeling suggests animalistic lust, which makes both men and women crazy with desire.

Day12. Stairway to heaven

Have her lie upside down on some stairs (or on the edge of the bed, according to the way your house is designed) and go down on her. The blood will rush straight to her head, making her feel positively giddy.

Day13. A pane-full encounter

Have her lean her body against a window or a mirror while you’re penetrating her from behind. The cool sensation will contrast with your warm body giving her an oh-inducing effect.

Day14. Swiveling sex
Home office? Turn the swivel chair into an erotic ride by shagging on it. Spinning will trigger the balance mechanism in your ears, making both of you feel a little light-headed, which will only add up to the pleasure you’re feeling as a consequence of your entwined, hot bodies.

Have a red-hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Sneezing while she orgasms forces your partner to clench her PC muscles for an extra-intense stimulation. Try giving her a whiff of pepper just as she’s about to explode.

Outdoor sex can be a great way to pump up the sexual tension in your relationship, but there are some special things to consider when it comes to getting it on out there in the big wide world. Take some time to plan before your next “spontaneous” outdoor adventure so it can be as sexy as you want it to be!

Outdoor Considerations

For starters, in many places you could face a fine or even jail time it you are caught. If you have your sights set on a bit of exhibitionist play and are in a conservative area, take precautions to keep safe from harm and the police. If you must, get a tent and go camping – open up the roof and make love under the stars in the privacy of your very own tent. Hike into the backcountry if you want to make some extra noise and have a bit more privacy.

The other most important thing to consider about outdoor sex is that there is definitely a greater risk for injury that in the comfort of your boudoir or living room. Lying or kneeling on hard packed earth or rocks could cause discomfort. Rolling around in the underbrush seems great until someone rolls naked into poison ivy! Trying to pin someone against a wall without the proper support or upper body strength could end in disastrous back injury, especially out in the middle of the wilderness. As always, be careful and know your limits. Bring a blanket, pillows or a sleeping pad. Know your plants. Use the nature around you to your benefit.

Whatever you do, have your lover wear a skirt with no panties, so you have easy access and she can cover up quickly in case of encounters with unfriendly others.

Standing

While standing sex comes to mind most often for a lot of folks when they think of outdoor sex, it isn’t always the most practical. Be sure that she is wearing something which will help prevent scratching and chaffing on her back where she is pressed up against the tree or the wall. You will be supporting most of her weight, so you may want to find a corner where you can also lean a little. She can wrap her legs around you and you can hold her up while she is pressed against some surface.

If you don’t have the strength to hold her steady, have her bend over a rock, tree or picnic table instead and enjoy a bit of doggie-style sexin’ in the summer sun.

Sitting

Sitting positions are great for being totally incognito, if she can stifle her moans. To random passersby, you should just appear to be passionately kissing while she sits in your lap (she can face towards or away from you, but towards you will be less obvious) and gently rocks back and forth. It might look like you are dry humping if things get carried away, so be discrete! Use park benches and swing sets wisely (and please, at least be sure there are no children around to see you).

If you are in a very secluded area, simply set up on a blanket, which also works for the next position…

Missionary

Be careful not to hurt her back by putting to much pressure on her in this position. Bring a blanket. The beach is a nice, usually comfortable place to try this out, but be careful of sand, because it can cause a great deal of pain and chaffing in your private parts, and hers, especially if it gets inside her. It can also be very bad for safe-sex practices, so you may want to avoid the beach unless you are fluid-bonded.

Her on Top

If you have the blanket there already, flip her ’round and try on some woman on top positions. Bring a pillow or go somewhere padded enough so she won’t be uncomfortable on her knees. A beach with sand dunes is great, giving you a bit of cover from possible passers-by. If you are lucky enough to be somewhere with structures (under the boardwalk, anyone?) then try to find something that she can use to support herself, using her arms to help propel herself up and down. This will allow her to maintain thrusting for much longer, especially if she doesn’t get on top very often.

Enjoy the exercise and the fresh air!

Tired of all those sex position guides that sound like they are meant for super models? Are you and your lover uniquely matched in a way that makes some of the standard sexual positions more difficult? Or do you just find yourself wondering “how do they do it?” when you see a basketball player dating an itsy-bitsy lady half his height?

There are several factors that affect how your body fits together with your lover’s in ways that may not be easy to figure out from the standard sizes and shapes we see in pornography and even in sex position books like the Kama Sutra. How often do you see your own body represented in erotic works?

Weight is often the most obvious, as it already affects so many other aspects of our lives and personality. Other factors though include things like height, flexibility, special abilities, physical disabilities, penis size, vaginal depth, likes and dislikes, needs and desires. In particular, BDSM activities of just about any kind can require special considerations for different body types and sizes. Don’t ever try to force your partner into a position in which she is not comfortable. Also try to vary up positions through sex to help keep the muscles from straining or cramping up. In missionary position, try to change the way her legs are positioned often and don’t put too much of your own weight on them for too long. Give her a chance to stretch out every now and again by changing up to a woman-on-top or from-behind position, or taking a step back and letting her lie flat while you employ some manual or oral techniques for a while.

If You’re Tall… and She Isn’t

This size combo lends itself well to standing sex positions and play that gets you out of bed. If you have the upper body strength, she can wrap her legs around your body and you can hold her up. Otherwise, try standing on the stairs or having her sit on something taller than a chair, like the kitchen counter, a set of dresser drawers, or the back of the couch. If she likes sex from behind, she can stand and bend over something, resting her hips on the arm of a chair or her hands on the seat. From this position, you should have a lot of downward leverage with which to thrust, giving you a chance to angle in different directions for a number of different kinds of stimulation, including the possibility of some serious g-spot contact. Enjoy!

If She’s the Tall One

Shorter guys will find standing sex easier in tight spaces where she would have a hard time getting up onto someone taller, making your body perfect for quickies in the restroom or up against the front door when you get home from work. Doggie style sex is also really great with short guys, because you can get down very low onto the bed and she can use her own leverage to thrust against you for a super sexy show you won’t soon forget.

If You’re a Bit on the Heavy Side

A bigger body can be great for some of the more taboo positions – 69, which can be very difficult with a skinny guy, becomes a great exercise in body on body contact. Try getting a bit oiled up with a massage first. She can lie down directly on top of you and slide back and forth while she holds you in her mouth and grinds up against your body. If you are also taller than her, you will have more space to see what you’re doing and use your hands.

If You’re More Bone than Meat

Many women, especially curvy ladies, find they get a bit self conscious with a very thin man, often feeling an overwhelming and irrational fear of crushing him. Thin guys tend to have larger members, mostly because they have fewer layers of fat padding the base, and tend to be in fitter cardiovascular health as well, allowing them to go longer and with greater stamina. If you’re this fit, start off with the missionary position and give it to her in as many different variations as possible. If you have a shorter penis, or she is ovulating, bring her legs up higher to get deeper. If you are large or her vaginal canal is shallow, keep her legs low to help prevent bumping her cervix too hard.

For skinny guys or larger girls, reverse cowgirl is a great position to switch things up a bit. She can hold on to your knees for leverage and support and grind her clit against your thighs and pubic bone without putting any pressure on your chest. Try switching up between this position and the missionary varieties for extra long-lasting lovemaking that cycles your energies back and forth between you for as long as you can stand it!