“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” – Deepak Chopra

I asked a bunch of women to share what works for them in terms of seduction and I must say ladies are some wickedly creative vixens. Steal these quickie tricks and let them inspire countless new ones. Turning on a woman isn’t exactly moving mountains, but we’re not exactly hardwired to get hot as fast as man, so sometimes it can prove to be a little tricky. But the fact that some women are not so easy to seduce makes it extra fun to tease them to the point of no return. Doing so pays off big for both of you. Planting a sizzling thought or visual in her head will strengthen her desire for you, which leads to most satisfying kind of sex. I suggest you start at the beginning of my dirty, daring list and work your way through.

1. “I had just bought this new perfume. I have my guy a whiff, and he said he liked it so much he proposed a challenge. He turned around, told me to spritz it in three different parts of my body and said he’ll have no problem finding those exact parts. The seductive bit: once he found them, he was allowed to kiss them for as long as he wanted. You can imagine what followed.” – Theresa
2. “When I shower, my boyfriend hides all the towels so that he gets to come and bring me one after I finish. He says he loves seeing me naked, dripping and flushed. I always have to shower again.” – Gloria
3. “You know those treats you used to find at the bottom of a cereal box? One morning, my partner hid the new finger vibrator he’d just gotten for me to discover. It was a late morning for both of us.” – Lisa
4. “He sent me a naughty, fill-in-the-blanks email: ‘Tonight, I promise to___your___as soon as you walk through the door. Then, I’ll give you a___for___ minutes…’ You see where I’m going with this, right? – Perry
5. “He woke me up in the morning by blowing softly over my panties, with one hand underneath, caressing my magic button.” – Ava
6. “One time he reached under the table at dinner and lightly outlined the shape of my underwear, looking me straight in the eye the whole time. It was so hot we had to excuse ourselves from our friends and head home early.” – Patricia
7. “We were out at this noisy, crowded bar and he motioned me to come close so he can tell me something. Instead, he sent chills down my spine by licking my ear and blowing warm breath on the same spot.” – Alyssa
8. “Before I came over to see my boyfriend, he had stripped the duvet and fluffy pillows off his bed and had put together a makeshift bed on the floor. When I arrived, he was lying in it, the room almost dark and seductive music playing. It was so romantic.” – Brianna
9. “One morning, my buy served me breakfast in bed. When it was his turn to eat, he said he’ll only do it off my body.” – Leslie
10. “He switched out our usual opaque shower curtain for a clear one. He walked in to find me soaping up my boobs. He looked at me intently and hopped right in.” – Andrea
11. “My boyfriend and I were waiting in this crazy-long line at the supermarket. To kill time, we started playing hangman. The phrase he had in mind was ‘I’m horny’. When I finally figured it out, we got the hell out of there.” – Jenna
12. “On our way home from visiting his parents, he told me to plug an address into the GPS. I kept asking him where we were going, so finally he told me it was the location of this sexy new hotel that had just opened up. Knowing that he had planned this in advance – and had been sitting at his parents’ house thinking about it for hours – totally turned me on.” – Melanie
13. “He hid a turned-on vibrator in my lingerie drawer. When I figured out where buzzing was coming from, he told me I got to experience its pleasure power… in front of him.” – Kate
14. “My boyfriend is really forward when he’s in the mood. He’d just grab my hand and place it between his legs while giving me the look. I love how bold he is.” – Jennifer
15. “He labeled areas of the house where we have never gotten busy with creative titles like The Doggie-Style Den or The Oral Corner. He then told me the goal of the night is to move from station to station until the whole place is christened.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Another trick that gets women roaring with excitement: stare longingly at her down there area for a whole minute. She’ll get the point.

“Sex is hardly ever just about sex.” – Shirley MacLaine

Women reveal all the sordid, neurotic and sometimes plain weird thoughts that occur when they’re in bed with you.

1. Before sex: by Rhonda, 29

The pre-sex warm-up for the confident woman is as simple as swimming. Dip your toe in. Is it warm? Is it wet? Jump in. But for the neurotic woman, this process is way more complicated. Sex with a boyfriend (or regular sex buddy) causes very little anxiety. We’ll ask something like, ‘Would you like to have The Sex now?’ and hope you reply, ‘Yes, please, girlfriend/sex buddy. I really would like to. Allow me to disrobe.’ Then it’s game on.

Even one-night-stands aren’t tricky. Booze drowns out performance anxiety and concerns about the chances he’ll see you’re not that perfectly waxed. No, what we dread is first-time sex with a man we like romantically, because seeing somebody’s naked bits for the first time – and knowing what to do with them – is as awkward for us as it is for you. And it will send our vagina and brain into panic mode.

Brain: What if he doesn’t like how you smell down there?

Vagina: Never mind that now, when was the last time I saw action?

Brain: Um, January?

Vagina: January! That was five months ago. How did we perform?

Brain: Really good, I think. But nerdy co-workers can be misleadingly enthusiastic.

Vagina: This is no time for jokes, man.

Brain: I’m sorry, I’m a bit nervous. Let’s call the whole thing off.

Vagina: Shut up, brain. You’re going to ruin it for the both of us.

Nervous women can’t multitask, no matter what people say. Not only are we recalling every embarrassing sexual failure we’ve ever had (not managing to get him erect, not coming even after 30 minutes of intense penetration that left us sore, accidentally knocking him unconscious in the shower), we’re also studying your every move for the faintest of green lights. Clothes off is a good sign; you clenching your hands on the remote control when we’re chewing on your ear with clear intention is not. But nothing puts us at rest more than the words, ‘Would you like to have The Sex now?’

2. During sex: by Carla, 34

There’s no time in a woman’s life that requires as much thought as those precious moments when we’re having sex. It’s not that we’re not enjoying it, it’s just that, for most chicks, getting sex right is important but, damn, there’s a lot to consider. Chances are, while you might be allowing passion to take charge, women are too busy processing thoughts and pondering questions for any raw emotion to squeeze through: Do you like this position? Would you prefer another? Should we initiate the change or wait till you come up with a better one? Will this position make you come too soon? Will it not make me orgasm at all?

But it’s that great mystery of anatomy that really gets us thinking in the bedroom. Vaginas are pretty standard (we think!), so why does every penis seem to be a different shape? How do I operate this one? How come you’re not quivering in pleasure when I’m doing exactly what worked last time with someone else? And if you are making noise, is it moaning or are you groaning and wanting me to try something else?

You’d think as we sleep with more men and get more comfortable with our performance in bed that we’d finally be able to switch off our minds and enjoy the ride, right? Not quite, because that’s when we start thinking about your performance. We analyze everything you do, everything you say, and we compare and contrast you against a mental scrapbook of men who’ve come (pardon the terrible pun) before. Of course, when we’re doozy, we don’t think about any of this at all. Sure, it doesn’t feel half as good, but sometimes it’s easier for everyone. 

3. After sex: by Cleo

Consider what it’s like to speed down a desert road, with wind in your hair. It’s breathtaking, but no matter how lingering the look, it’s gone too soon. That afterglow is similar to what a woman feels after sex. A naked man is in bed with us, with that sexy, flushed look he can only produce after running 100 meters or seeing Eva Longoria shirtless. All a woman wants to do is lie there and bask in her endorphin-induced bliss.

Her hands behind her head as she silently sings Tina Turner’s ‘You’re simply the best’. Then once the soundtrack subsides, the doubts kick in. Did he really expect me to live up to those ’15-minutes-of-blowjob’ promises I made? Can I be given immunity for any heat-of-the-moment claims of unrivalled jaw power?

Then there’s the cuddling. Great theory, sweaty execution. In a perfect world, cuddling would be like tennis: we’d shake hands over the net, compliment each other on a good game and, as I exhale in the glory of post-coital bliss, I’d have a camera and microphone shoved in my face to document the occasion.

But the performance review isn’t only focused on me. Did you enjoy it? After all, a man’s orgasm is a woman’s grand slam trophy. So, before I gladly lie in the wet spot to cuddle, just give me a second to revel in my greatness.

Have a sweet week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Of course, not every woman on the planet thinks about these things, but it’s a good place to start, right?

“It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.” – Marge Piercy

Any trick that makes sex hotter for both of you will make you feel more connected – in and out of bed. Here I reveal the most game-changing moves you can try in bed. Start tonight!

The lift

Every woman gets jealous when she hears about how another woman’s guy is insanely good at giving oral. If you want to be the one that your partner brags about, do this: Right when she is about to come, lift her butt a few inches off the mattress (she’ll feel the need to clench her butt muscles to support herself) for a couple of seconds. The tension will make her orgasm stronger than ever.

The kneel

My partner and I made up a move, and every time we use it, it feels extra close, since it’s our thing. I lie down on my left side and pull my top leg as close to my chest as I can. Then he kneels behind me and goes in, so our bodies are perpendicular. He strokes my boobs and hips and hits my clitoris perfectly.

The surrender

If you have always been curious about S&M, but your partner thinks it might be a tad too kinky for her, try this instead: hold her hands over her head and don’t let go. She’ll love it. It feels like being taken, but it’s comfortable since she’s not tied up.

The closer

When you’re on the verge of coming, pause and get into doggie style. Touch her down there for the final moments as you’re thrusting, and it’s nearly guaranteed that you’ll come at the same time. When you do, it will make you feel more bonded.

The tropical trick

Spread coconut oil around your partner’s vagina, then go down on her (it’s safe!). Knowing she tastes good will relax her so she will enjoy the moment more.

The tease

The friction your partner’s underwear creates against her clitoris is amazing, so bring this detail into your sexual routine. How do you do that? Stay clothed for a bit longer, and when you do finally strip, the sex will be extra intense because of the feeling of urgency.

The dig

If you are timid in bed, try this move, it will definitely bring you out of your shell. Dig your nails into your partner’s buttocks when you are doing it in the missionary position and pull her up, closer to you. It’s an easy way to show you’re into it without having to say a word.

The eye lock

Whenever you’re hooking up, pull her into a sitting position while you’re on top, look into her eyes, and thrust back and forth. Since the eye contact makes it romantic by default, it’s a great way to have connected sex with your partner.

The squeeze

In my opinion, the whole point of a woman being on top is to feel like she’s dominating. Teach your partner this trick: when she’s sliding up and down your penis, she should squeeze her PC muscles on her way down. The pressure her clenching creates will make her feel in control. And judging from your sighs, you’ll most definitely dig it.

The preview

One night, when you are with your partner out at a bar, pull her into a coed bathroom and pin her against the wall and start making out. How to make it even sexier? Keep her clothes on – just reach inside her panties to touch her a few hot seconds, then say, ‘More later’. Try to give your partner some sort of preview (even just a thigh touch or an ear whisper) as often as possible. It makes you really anticipate what’s going to happen later on. By the time you get to bed, you’ll be practically bursting.

The pillow thing

To make doggie style more amazing, put two pillows under her stomach when she’s lying face-down. It creates this arch, so it’s easier for you to hit just the right spot on her clitoris.

The little friend

If your partner is having trouble orgasming, try a vibrator during doggie style and it will do the trick for her. After this, just knowing that she can climax from that helps her enjoy other positions because she doesn’t see them as a means to an end.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Try one of these each night and your sex life will shine again, even brighter than a crazy diamond.

“Somewhere between fear and sex, passion is.” – Jeanette Winterson

Everyone has bedroom hang-ups, even men! So just what is it that most bother you guys between the sheets? After polling hundreds of men (both single and in a relationship) about your biggest bedroom worry, I discovered the top answer was always the same. Here I explain how this one universal anxiety affects your skills in the sack and what you can do to fix it.

What it is

It’s official: the worry men are freaked about most has nothing to do with size or skills. Your top concern is (drum-roll, please) coming too soon. And it screws with your heads. You know how a woman, if she’s having a bad hair day, she obsesses over that one strand that just won’t budge, and she ends up losing sight of everything that’s right with her looks that day? Well, that same type of tunnel-vision thing – a concept psychologists call “narrowvisation” – is what happens to a guy when he’s having sex.

You really get fixated on the fear of finishing too early during sex. Instead of focusing on how awesome it is in bed with your partner, you zero in on the specific ‘What if I finish too soon?’ concern, which disconnects you from the moment and, ironically, makes you most likely to lose control. In other words, it’s a vicious cycle – the one thing you’re most afraid could happen. Actually, it will go down precisely because you’re anxious about it in the first place.

Fixing it

The key to easing your anxiety and thereby help yourself last longer is to keep your mind in the moment. If you focus on the here-and-now, you’re less likely to get sidetracked by the what-ifs. There are three simple ways to accomplish this. The first one lays in the hands of your partner… literally. She should try gently massaging your back, shoulders and head during sex. Sensual, kneading touches send a calming signal to your brain that things are OK, so you’re less likely to worry about what could happen.

Next, every once in a while be sure to make eye contact with your partner and hold her gaze for just a few seconds. It’s one of the biggest signs of intimacy. It reminds you that the two of you have a strong connection and that you’re both in this thing together, right now – which helps keep you in the present. Finally, tell her exactly how amazing her moves make you feel by saying things like, ‘When you touch me down there like that, it really turns me on.” If you draw your attention to physical sensations, it will remind you to keep focusing on your actions, rather than your thoughts.

What else you fear

• Drinking too much and not being able to get it up. This is actually a thing you’re right to be afraid of. In a bigger amount than necessary, alcohol can move from being a libido booster and confidence giver, to a mood buster and erection disabler. Too many shots of tequila are bound to send your penis to bed, but to sleep, not to fool around.

• Spending too much time without having sex and worrying about rusty skills. No, a sex hiatus won’t catapult you back in those uneasy high-school years, when you had no idea what a clitoris is, let alone master the ability to find it in a matter of seconds. Even though months pass without you getting it on, the next time you do get the chance, your penis will know exactly what to do.

• Getting naked and not living up to expectations. This is a common fear for both men and women, and it’s without fundament as well. Do you start looking at her body, analyzing her flaws, when she gets naked for sex? No, of course not, you just want to get down to business. The same applies to women. She’s not going to rate how your body looks, but your ability to make her moan.

• Not being able to make your partner orgasm. Well, as long as you’re here, reading my column, I reckon you’ve got nothing to be afraid of when it comes to satisfying your woman.

Have a hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. As you can see, it’s only in your head. No, the other head!

“So sweet and delicious do I become,

when I am in bed with a man

who, I sense, loves and enjoys me,

that the pleasure I bring excels all delight,

so the knot of love, however tight

it seemed before, is tied tighter still.” – Veronica Franco

Regardless of how good your girlfriend is in the sack, sometimes you may need her to do things a little harder or softer or, you know, move around more. It’s not that she’s not great at what she’d doing, but you’re having a tough time shaking the feeling that you might be enjoying yourselves more if she just tweaked her repertoire a little bit. Plus, you know and feel it, the more complex her routine is, the more chances you have at lasting way longer than the usual. But how do you tell her that without hurting her feelings? Or losing sex privileges for weeks? I’m giving you some tactful ways to get her on the right track.

Give her the good with the bad

Before pointing out where she’s lacking in the love department, give her some positive reinforcement. Appear wowed at a certain move she had just done or simply hold her in your arms a little tighter, so that she silently understands that you adore what she’s doing. Don’t just bluntly share with her what she’s not doing quite right. The minute a woman hears negative feedback, she gets uncomfortable and feels like she’s done something wrong, which makes her reluctant to initiate anything ever again. Soften the blow by prefacing the criticism with a compliment about what she’s doing right. Repeat after me: “That feels so amazing. I’d love it if you used your hand even more.”

Don’t wait too long

Your girlfriend is working away, doing her damnest to get you off. Meanwhile, you keep thinking “If only she would…”. Speak up now or forever hold your peace, buddy. When you allow those thoughts to go on for more than five minutes and then tell her to change things up, it’s too late. Part of her brain suddenly wonders if you’ve spent all that time thinking “God, will this torture ever end?”.

Mind your bed manners

When you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be tough to put complete sentences together. And although one-word commands like “Harder” and “Faster” can be effective, they often come off as rude commands. When you bark orders, it sounds like you think she owes you something, and it’s disrespectful. No, you don’t need to say please and thank you, but if you want it done right, ask nicely. Your best bet is to pose a question: “Could you maybe lift your hips more?” Throw in a kiss or a term of endearment and she’ll be even more eager to oblige.

Play do-as-I-do

Say you have a tough time telling her exactly what you want. A simple game of frisky back-and-forth can help. Whisper in your girlfriend’s year, “Whatever I do to you, you do to me.” Then touch, lick and kiss her in a way that you would like reciprocated. After she’s mirrored your moves, she can demonstrate what turns her on. This is a more playful way to ask for and get what you want sexually, without making her feel self-conscious. Plus, your hands-on tutorial will double as a naughty foreplay activity.

Have a pleasurable week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. The best way to get rid of the stress and be able to fully communicate with your partner is to engage in activities that give you both the same rush and help you develop a strong mentality towards sex-related issues.

“I shall sustain a massive erection, that’s what, and I shan’t be answerable for the consequences. Some kind of ejaculation is almost bound to ensue and if either of you were to become pregnant I should never forgive myself.” – Stephen Fry

As you all know by now, my mission is to make sure you have spectacular sex. Now, new research is shining a light on a different piece of the action puzzle: how the quality of your erection affects the quality of the sex you are having with your partner. The rationale is this: the harder you are, the more stimulation you can provide, which will make sex more satisfactory for both your partner and you. And science has all the answers when it comes to ways of making you stiffer. Certain nutrients, sexual techniques and lifestyle factors absolutely affect the potency of a man’s erection, which helps to improve your partner’s experience as well.

Find bellow the fully detailed description behind five erection-improving secrets – plus how to implement them on the sly.

1)    Stock up. Dark fruits, such as blackberries, have a lot of anthocyanins – potent antioxidants that are an erection’s best friend. A student at Indiana University found arteries treated with them were better able to hold on to nitric oxide – which allows blood vessels to expand, making room for the blood that rushes to the penis when you are aroused.

2)    Be in bed early. Peckers in peak condition typically have one thing in common: they’re attached to men who log at least seven to eight hours of sleep every night. Men experience erections during the REM cycle of sleep. This means fresh blood is being driven into the penis, which ensures it’s getting the nourishment it needs. The second factor is mental. Morning erections are common, but what people don’t realize is that it’s not just because testosterone is highest then. If you’re getting enough deep sleep, you’re dreaming, which is the body’s way of renewing itself psychologically. Your mind is a fresh palette in the morning, and with no other thoughts or anxieties competing for your attention, you can focus 100 per cent on sex.

3)    Booze less. All experts agree on this point: alcohol improves sex only insofar as it makes people feel less self-conscious. But physiologically, booze is an inhibitor. It reduces testosterone formation in the testes, so it’s trickier to get a top notch erection. This means that when you are under the influence, you’re unlikely to get hard enough for both you and your partner to get the best of sex. So make sure that neither of you has had more than two drinks before getting busy. Or better yet, stay sober.

4)    Do it on empty. If there’s ever a time when a man’s performance is sure to disappoint, it’s when he’s deep in food coma. After a large meal, the blood you need to produce an erection goes to your stomach to help digest the food. And if you chowed down at a fast-food joint, it packs a double erection-waning whammy. When there are a lot of extra fats circulating, it stops the cells in the body that are responsible for redirecting the flow of blood to the penis, so an erection isn’t going to form easily. Have a very light meal before hitting the sack with your partner.

5)    Have her seize your second wind. Now that you know how to make yourself Superman-strong, consider this interesting little nugget about increasing your stamina so you can snag a bonus round in the bedroom: the secret is to have your partner seduce you one hour after you’ve already had sex. According to experts, those 60 minutes are known as the refractory period – that is the amount of time it takes a man’s penis to recover fully after ejaculation. Doctors have discovered that after an hour’s worth of rest, men will last longer during the second round of sex than they will during the first.

 Have a seductive week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Heads-up! You can prevent condom-induced shrinkage by making sure you are rock hard before you roll it on.

Premature ejaculation can be an embarrassing, frustrating part of sex for any man. Women usually are not too thrilled about it either for that matter. But premature ejaculation does not need to ruin your sex life. If this is a concern for you then read on and learn what you should do to start regaining control over your sexual function.

Is This Premature Ejaculation? Is This?

Premature ejaculation can be hard to define and each man may define it differently. Some define it using the number of thrusts during sex before climax. Obviously men who use this definition usually ejaculate with just a few thrusts.  Some simply define it as coming before you want to.

Many men ask how they can last longer. It is important to point out that there is a difference between premature ejaculation and simply wanting to keep an erection for a longer period of time. There have been men who have told me they only last an hour and think there is something wrong with them-that they should be lasting longer. That is not premature ejaculation.

One of the most important factors in premature ejaculation is the inability to control ejaculation.  You feel it coming and nothing you do will stop it. Sometimes this happens with only a little stimulation.

Does it Happen to Everyone?

Yes. The truth is, it happens to everyone at some point. Sometimes it is just fatigue or an off day. But if it occurs on a regular basis and you or your partner find it is contributing to making your sex life less than satisfactory it may be time to look for ways to learn ejaculatory control.

What is the Good News?

If you are experiencing premature ejaculation you may not think there is any good news. But there is! The good news is premature ejaculation is actually the easiest sexual dysfunction to treat and overcome. That means there is hope for any man who wants to work on increasing his ejaculatory control.

Getting Started

The first thing you want to do is visit your doctor for a check-up. Sometimes premature ejaculation can be caused by nerve damage or can be a side effect of medication. Before tackling any sexual issue, you always want to start with a clean bill of health. If it is a medical problem then many times when it is resolved, the sexual dysfunction resolves on its own.

Kegel’s Are Not Just for Women

Do your kegel exercises! This will not only help you build up those muscles, it will help you learn ejaculatory control and increase the intensity of your orgasm! To do kegel exercises simply squeeze your pelvic muscles for a count of ten 5 times in a row several times a day. You can do this anytime and no one will even know. Try it sitting at your desk at work or while watching TV. It is easy and has great benefits. Next time you are urinating, clench or tighten the muscles and stop your flow of urine. Stop the flow of urine for as long as you can and then release it. Do this each time you urinate and gradually increase the amount of time you stop the flow of urine. This helps build up your pelvic floor muscles as well.

What is Learned Can be Unlearned

Except in the cases where there is a medical issue, premature ejaculation is a learned behavior. Men teach themselves to ejaculate quickly by the way they masturbate. Yes, it is true! Most men when they jerk off go right for the gold and want a quick release. While this may be sexually satisfying at the time, in the long run all that is happening is that the muscles that control ejaculation learn to respond to stimulation very quickly. The muscles that control ejaculation are just like any other muscles in the body and must be kept in shape for optimal use. When they learn to react quickly to stimulation they are not functioning at their best level. Thus begins a never ending cycle of masturbating and rapid ejaculation.

That is the bad news. The good news is this learned behavior can be unlearned. Through a series of exercises good ejaculatory control can be learned. It doesn’t happen overnight and it takes patience and persistence by the man. But if he works at it, he can achieve strong ejaculatory control and get back to a long lasting and happy sex life.

“You can motivate by fear. And you can motivate by reward. But both of these methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation”- Homer Rice

It’s not news that guys can go from hello to “Oh!” in minutes, while women take way longer to get aroused and become properly prepared (physically and emotionally) to come. It’s also old news that this thing can turn itself into a serious matter of frustration for a man who is worried about the way he performs between the sheets.

But coming at the same time, or at least after the woman comes is totally possible. There are only two things you should take into consideration: the right moments when to speed her up and slow yourself down. Follow my advice and everyone will have a happy ending.

1. While kissing

a) Speed her up. Because her neck is both nerve-packed and often ignored, few things can turn up the heat for a woman like the feel of a guy’s lips there. Pull her hair aside while kissing and nibble her ear a little bit. You can also amp up the titillation by taking turns to kiss her in different body parts. This trick will kick her out of her comfort zone and get her ready to some serious action. When you implement the no-hands rule, the kisses become even more intense than the usual, which will only work to your advantage. This way you can experiment with more creative ways of bringing her to the boil. A few examples: rub your lips against her nipples, sweep them along her belly button, and even gently brush your unshaved face against her cheeks, for more intensified arousal. Another favorite of mine is what I like to call “the tongue twister”: drag her tongue into your mouth slowly, and then suck gently on the tip. This playful twist on a typical kiss will send currents of electricity between her legs. Most women like a medium amount of pressure when they kiss, and this sucking motions is exactly that- not feather-light, but not hard either. Plus, it will make her fantasize about where else you might use your mouth on her.

b) Slow yourself down. Avoid tonsil hockey in favor of lips-only smooches and delicate, teasing tongue flicks. Research suggests that swapping spit can ratchet up your arousal because a woman’s saliva contains hormones that set you off.

2. During foreplay

a) Speed her up. To ensure she’ll climax before or at the same time you do, start stimulating her clitoris as soon as possible. Put a few favorite drops of your favorite lube (lubricants are proven to help women get aroused more easily) on your fingers, and take them between her legs. Experts report that circular stimulation, starting slow and building up the speed, is most effective.

b) Slow yourself down. When handling your manhood, she should maintain a soft touch, and keep her strokes closer to the base, where you are less sensitive. Also, convince her to vary her moves: you’ll love the shifting sensations so much that you won’t notice you’re skipping the steady friction that makes you orgasm.

3. During oral sex

a) Speed her up. Insert your pointer and middle fingers into her vagina with your palm facing the ceiling, and then rest your chin in the palm of your hand. In this position, you can move your fingers in a come-hither motion to massage the front wall of her vagina (G-spot territory!) while teasing her clitoris with your tongue.

b) Slow yourself down. To light your fuse without triggering an unexpected explosion, your partner should only kiss and lick your penis, but don’t suck (otherwise, it feels too similar to being inside her). Showing your testicles a little love will also give you mega pleasure without pushing your go button.

4. During intercourse

a) Speed her up. Girl-on-top grants her total control of the speed, angle, and depth, so it’s best for speeding up her orgasm. Instead of moving her hips up and down- which will bring you closer to the brink-, she should slide them back and forth so that her clitoris is rubbing against your abdomen. Don’t be shy about getting involved and pushing up hard or increasing the speed. She’ll love the intensity.

b) Slow yourself down. Long thrusts are the male orgasm’s best friends, so keep them to a minimum. If you want to try missionary, have her wrap her legs around your waist so you can’t pull out very far, or have her grab your butt with both hands and pull you in close for the same effect.

5. Right before you orgasm

a) Speed her up. Focus on one trigger move that you know for sure it will make her go crazy: a red-hot, super-explicit, kinkylicious thing you call up when she’s on the brink of orgasm but needs an extra push. It can be a kiss in a place that you know it turns her on like crazy, or a combination of customized pushes that makes her come in a matter of seconds.

b) Slow yourself down. If you sense you’re getting close (your body is tensing up, you’re breathing harder, and your thrusting is more rhythmic), and she hasn’t yet come, switch positions or stop altogether, and kiss for a moment. You’re really close? Have her quickly reach down and create a ring around the base of your penis with her forefinger and thumb, squeezing firmly. This can act as an emergency break, buying you more time to have her get to the edge.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Instead of the predictable back and forth movements, “stir” your penis inside your partner; these circular motions feel softer and more sensual and as your penis rotates inside her, you’ll be able to stimulate every inch of her vagina.

If there is one thing that can sabotage all your well-intended efforts to last longer, perform better, and reach orgasm with your partner, it is unchecked masturbation and pornography use.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not morally opposed to either. I think that both masturbation and adult entertainment can be empowering and used to improve sex and intimacy. That said, all things in moderation, right? If you can only orgasm by masturbating, that is an area of your sexuality that might warrant some attention. If you find it difficult to maintain an erection with the visual or auditory stimulation of pornography, there are ways you can learn to become more sexually tuned in to your lover, using self-pleasure as a tool rather than an escape.

Death Grip

The “death grip” – a term often used by sex columnist Dan Savage – refers to the incredibly tight fist that men sometimes use while masturbating. When this grip is used, especially if it is used more often than vaginal penetration as a means to reach orgasm, it can lead to desensitization of the glans and make it difficult to reach orgasm with a partner or even to maintain an erection, especially with the use of a condom barrier.

The cure for death-grip related sexual syndromes is simple: stop it.

1. Loosen your grip.
2. Use a lot of lubrication.
3. Wear a condom.
4. If you can’t climax without using a strong grip… don’t.

Eventually, even if only out of utter desperation, your body will begin to sensitize to other touch input. That might mean oral sex, vaginal penetration, or anal sex. It might just be mutual masturbation where you have some new visual input. Whatever the case may be, if you feel the need to re-sensitize, the only way to effectively do so is with determination and self-discipline.

If your lover is accustomed to using manual stimulation to get you off as well, be sure to let her know what you are doing and that you are trying to relearn how to feel. She may feel strange or stressed at first about leaving you “unfinished” so assure her that you are okay, and spend some time focusing on her instead, if you aren’t able to reach climax with her. Remind her that this is merely your body’s adaptive response to a particular habit. All you need to do to change the response is change the habit, easy as that! Take your time with it and allow yourself to enjoy the relief of pressure to always head barreling straight towards orgasm.

Pornography

For many men, death grip and pornography go hand in hand. In this way, the brain not only learns to respond only to an extreme amount of physical stimulation, it also learns to respond specifically to an extreme type of visual/auditory stimulation. Pornography does not represent the reality of 99.99% of day-to-day sexual contact, any more than reality TV actually reflects reality. These “entertainment products” have been scripted, set, organized and edited just to turn you on! If you teach your body that this is the be all and end all of sex, it is sure to be confused when it encounters the real thing again.

But porn isn’t evil, anymore than television, movies and good books are bad for you. Quality entertainment should inspire us to dream, to consider new ideas and seek out new opportunities. Can you use pornography to spark your sex life instead of stifle it?

Porn and Erotic Embodiment

Porn can help your relationship, if you use it to connect you to your lover, rather than to escape from her. Instead of hiding from real life in fantasy, enrich your reality with the intensity of your dreams!

1. Think of your “search” for pornography as a leisurely drive: don’t always go the same route. Be conscious of the process you use, but don’t judge yourself. Observe the way your fantasy develops, from the very first inkling of an urge all the way to orgasm (if you get there) and keep some record of it in a notebook or video journal.
2. Think about your self-pleasure as time to improve your relationship: when you feel your sexiest, most full of pleasure, ready to pop… close your eyes and think if your lover when she is at the very same moment, in the throes of ecstasy, bursting with love for you. Send that love back to her in your fantasy. It will show in your relationship!
3. Meditate on your pornographic preferences and process when you aren’t aroused (and don’t head for the porn when you are done meditating either) – give yourself at least a few hours, if not a few days, to take a break and reflect after each session. Think about what kinds of urges and lusts draw you to each aspect of the fantasy’s flow from start to finish. Try to get to the root of your kinks and the heart of your deepest desires. Share these insights with your lover!

Sexual energies tend to move in cycles, for both men and women. Sometimes you may find that an excess of sexual energy send you barreling forward headfirst into intercourse so quickly that you lose yourself in the moment and it’s over before it’s even begun. Other times, you may struggle to maintain arousal because of a lack of sexual energy.

Not only do the fluctuations in your sexual energy affect your ability to be a reliable sexual partner, but they can have a number of effects on the rest of your life that leave you feeling ill and out of sorts. When you can recognize the symptoms of excess or diminished energy, you can remedy the situation with exercises for harnessing and channeling your libido.

Too Much

Having an excess of sexual energy can be just as destructive to a marriage as not having enough. It is often during these times of excess that we give in to temptations that might cross boundaries like using pornography or seeking out new stimulus in other ways. Do you find yourself constantly thinking about sex, seeking out erotic stories and images, and masturbating to the point of distraction.

What are the symptoms of an overactive libido?

• Pent up energy, an inability to keep still, lack of mental focus
• High blood pressure, hot flashes, cold extremities due to poor circulation
• Stiffness in the joints, lack of flexibility
• Swelling in the ankles, poor digestive and metabolic functioning
• Heavy hair, dull fingernails,
• Infertility and lack of sexual potency (or on the flip-side, constant arousal)
• Poor personal relationships and lack of connection, social anxiety, inhibitions and lack of personal and creative self-expression.

Not Enough

A lack of sexual energy not only means you are unlikely to perform, but also are unlikely to even initiate sex, leaving your lover feeling not only unfulfilled, but completely rejected!

What are the symptoms of an under-active libido?

• Aversion to physical pleasure, over-sensitive skin
• Depression and low self-esteem, emotional instability, irritability, over-sensitivity
• Low blood pressure, sudden fevers and hot flushes
• Weak or brittle bones, hair and nails due to vitamin deficiencies or anemia
• Sleep cycle problems, insomnia, chronic fatigue
• Swollen extremities, water retention
• Premature ejaculation, premature aging, muscle weakness

The steps to regulating your sexual energy can be super simple! Here are a few suggestions to get you started out on the path to a sea of smooth sexual sailing:

1. Plug the Leaks:

   Don’t let out vital energy on things you don’t love, don’t care about, don’t want to be doing. Engage in the kind of sex that gets you passionate. Be creative. Spend your life and your time doing the work that calls to you and the play that makes your heart sing. Explore your kinks and sexual interests. Forcing yourself to do things that your body and spirit don’t wish to do only causes you to deplete your vital energy even faster than hard work normally would, leaving little left for fun and games with your lover.

   If you have an excess of sexual energy, you can expend that energy in ways that aren’t overtly sexual – go to the beach and enjoy some kind of extreme, heart-racing physical activity; go for a run or a hike up a mountain; tackle a new vocational challenge; begin a new artistic or otherwise creative project. Spend your energy where it deserves to be spent.

2. Fill Up:

   Do things that enhance your vital energy. What kinds of things make you feel energized? Many people find music and dancing to be incredibly revitalizing. Other people enjoy a hearty laugh, deep breathing, singing, poetry or other great literature, the scent of fresh flowers, a hearty meal with loved ones, a glass of wine and good chocolate, a walk in the sand, a prayer of gratitude… whatever it is that makes your heart beat a little bit faster and the sun seem to shine just a little bit brighter.

3. Break Down the Blocks:

   Massage is a great way to break down walls built up against intimacy and allows relaxation to soothe the body into a state of balance and desire.

4. Get Grounded:

   Put your bare feet on the earth. New scientific discoveries suggest that this simple act can be the most balancing thing a human can do on a daily basis, leveling your sexual energies, healing emotional and physical imbalances and creating a sense of connection with the earth.

5. Balance:

   Energy, in general, is polar – balanced between negative and positive, plus all that is neutral in the center. When we engage in intercourse, we create friction between the two poles, which causes a build up of energy that is released through orgasm. When we have too much friction, whether through physical actions or fantasies, the energy builds up too quickly! Balance can be learned through breathing and meditative exercises, and enhanced by caring for your physical and emotional health.