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The Ultimate Anal Sex Positions, Part 2

So many guys get hot and bothered about anal sex, but women aren’t always on the same page. If your partner is dead set against it, I wouldn’t push for it. There are women who genuinely don’t enjoy it. That being said, there are also a lot of men who aren’t doing it right. A bad experience could be chalked up to inexperience. Even though you shouldn’t try to convince your partner to do something she doesn’t want to do, if she is up for it, there are lots of ways to make sure that it’s a good experience for both of you.

  • She should be 100% relaxed and very turned on. Take your time getting there. If you rush it then you’re more likely to for her to get nervous, clench down and then it’s definitely going to hurt her and that’s not enjoyable at all.
  • When starting out with anal play, go very, very shallow. All the nerve endings that she will get pleasure from are in the anus. If you slowly insert the tip (finger or penis, with LOTS of lube), that will begin to get her warmed up and you will be able to feel when she starts getting more relaxed.
  • Practice multiple stimulation techniques. Your best bet is to probably reach around and stimulate her clitoris at the same time. This will feel amazing and help her to continue to stay relaxed.
  • LUBE! I know I already mentioned this in the first part of this article, but just in case you haven’t made it over there yet, this is a tip that can’t be left out. Silicone based lube and lots of it, fellas.


The Positions, Part 2

  1. The 90 degree angle - With this position you will be lying on your side and she will be lying on her back at a 90 degree angle from your body so her genitals line right up with yours. This will allow her to relax and her anus will naturally open more at this position, making penetration easier. You will have access to touch her clitoris, vulva, and breasts and she can access your balls if she wants.
  2. The Rocking Horse – You sit cross legged on the bed and lean back, holding yourself up with your arms. She will straddle you and find the best position for entry. The only drawback here is that you will have to use your hands to hold yourself up and that means you won’t be able to touch her, but she can grind her clitoris against your pelvic bone or touch herself and give you quite a show.
  3. Modified Rocking Horse – For some guys sitting with their legs crossed is not the most comfortable position. If that’s the case with you, try extending your legs forward with modified rocking horse. You won’t need to hold yourself up with your arms with this one so it also frees up your hands to explore her body. Plus the elevated position puts her breasts right in your face and close to your mouth!
  4. Reverse Cowgirl - This popular position is also great for anal sex. It gives the woman a lot of control over speed and depth and it gives you a sexy eye full. You lie down flat on your back and she straddles you facing toward your feet instead of your face.
  5. Doggy Style and variations – Doggy style is definitely the go to position when it comes to anal sex. It makes sense given the position of each person, but I need to give you a word of caution. Many of the benefits of the other positions I mentioned is that it gives the woman more control over depth and speed. This is essential in anal sex in order for it not to hurt her. In doggy style the man will have all the control, so you need to remember to go slow and not get too carried away. Communicate with each other.
    Try this variation by having her hold her upper body up over a stack of pillows. You will enter from behind and lay your whole body over hers. This provides a lot of sexy skin to skin contact.
    Try standing doggy style or using the stairs in your home to position her at just the right angle.


As always, communication is key to any good sexual experience and anal sex is no different. Check in with her to make sure what you’re doing feels okay, if she might want more lube, and if you’re going too fast or hard.

Enjoy yourselves!
Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Don’t forget to check out the first part of this article that gives you some great preparation advice and more sexy positions!


The Ultimate Anal Sex Positions, Part 1

It’s that naughty subject that women either love or hate: anal sex. Whether you have tried it with your partner or are just dying to, anal sex isn’t something that you should enter into blindly. The more you know on the subject the better the experience will be for both of you (and especially for her!). If anal sex is something you want her to enjoy and want to repeat with you then you need to read on about the best anal sex positions. There is more than just one, in fact, there are many!

The Preparation

Here are some quick tips to get you started.

  • Get her warmed up first. Foreplay is KEY to a good anal sex experience. Tease her. Give her oral sex. Do all the things she loves to get her super excited.
  • Lube is your best friend, use it and NOT sparingly. The vagina produces its own lubrication, but the anus does not. Lube is super important to a good experience. Use a silicone based one.
  • Take things slow. Ease into it. You can’t thrust or penetrate her like you do with vaginal sex. The anus is much smaller and doesn’t accommodate in the same way.


The Positions, Part 1

  1. Spoons – Just like you’re cuddling or “spooning” in bed, except waaay more fun. If she bends her legs and stretches them out a bit then her anus will naturally open a little, allowing for easier access. This is a great position because it’s relaxing, and you want her to feel relaxed or anal sex is just not going to work. It also gives you easy access to reaching around to stimulate her clitoris, which you should definitely be doing.
  2. Double Decker – You can easily move into the next position from the spoons position. It’s essentially the same thing but with you lying flat on your back and your partner lying on her back on top of you. This provides a ton of body contact and closeness and allows her to control the speed and intensity of your penetration. The position might sound tough for vaginal sex, but remember that anal sex should be slower. This also gives you 100% access to her whole body because she will be splayed out on top of you. Take advantage of that to touch her breasts, clit and everywhere else!
  3. Girl on Top (modified) – It’s not just your typical woman on top position because your partner will have to adjust her angle to make sure that you can enter her comfortably. Just like the position above, this gives her the ultimate control over penetration and speed and gives you an amazing view with full access to pleasing some of the best parts of her body. Have her try leaning backward. This will stretch and pull on the clitoris slightly, which can be extremely pleasurable!
  4. The Chair – You will be seated for this position in a chair with no arms and your partner will straddle you. Make sure that the chair is low enough to the ground so that her feet touch the ground and allow her to move up and down on your penis. In this position you will be face to face will which allow for added intimacy.
  5. Downward Modified Scissor – Many men love the view of their partner from behind. This position offers a sexy view of her posterior, but is a little different than your typical doggy style. She will be lying face down on the bed and you will be on top with one leg extended in between her two legs and the other bent on one side of her body. This is a great position to try for first timers or when you’re just starting to have anal sex. The position doesn’t allow for really deep penetration so she will have time to get used to the position and will be in a comfortable and relaxing position to do so.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to anal sex positions. The second part of this article will give you even more juicy new techniques to try out. Stay tuned!

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. You probably had no idea there were so many different ways to try anal sex. Don’t forget to follow up on my next post to see the rest of the HOT list.  


How to have hot outside sex

… without getting poison ivy, heatstroke, or… arrested.

”Your clothes are making me uncomfortable. Please take them off.”

There’s nothing like a sexy outside romance. But getting down during the dog days comes with its own unique set of hazards: sun rash, dehydration, bees. The good news: There are plenty of ways to take advantage of the warm weather and perv out in seasonally specific settings. All you need is a little foresight and a dash of preparation and you can have plenty of outdoor kicks while avoiding jail, injury, and hypervigilant amusement-park attendants. Follow these pointers and positions, and as your high school crush once wrote in your yearbook, have a great summer!


What better way to commune with nature? Try The Lumberjack: Leaning against the tree and facing him, lift one leg and wrap it around his body while he holds on to the trunk for balance. Bonus: Your thighs will get as good a workout as if you’d actually finished that three-mile hike.


Since you probably spent two to six hours erecting your tent and making tent-erecting jokes, avoid any position that involves too much flailing. Otherwise, you will become tangled in the tent and it will collapse on you, and you will remember that camping is horrible and the best place to have summertime sex is in a cloud-soft, ice-cream-parlorchilly hotel bed. Try the trusty, compact spoon position.


Having sex in the woods isn’t rocket science. Deer can do it, and they’re very stupid. Probably your biggest hazards here are hikers and park rangers, who love rules and getting people who are more fun than they are in trouble. Just keep on as much clothing as possible, so you can pretend you were “only dry humping” if caught (and also to avoid ticks). And watch out for poison ivy! As the saying goes: if you see leaves of three, don’t rub your genitals on me.


Water makes you buoyant! Take advantage! Try The Dirty Mermaid: Face your guy while he stands, wrap your arms and legs around him, and go to town while he holds your legs for support. Best attempted during adult swim. One caveat: Condoms and water don’t mix. One more caveat: Water washes away your natural lubrication, so extra (nonsoluble) lube might be necessary. Maybe try a little making out, Dirty Mermaid–style, and then head to dry land for the real action.…


If you’ve seen literally any horror movie and “parking” somewhere remote still appeals to you, well congratulations on your nerves of steel. Just make sure to lay down something on the seat, because there’s nothing worse than peeling your sweaty nude buttocks off ovenhot upholstery. Don’t even think of running the AC, because your car battery will die and then the Zodiac killer will murder you.


You should really be more concerned about who you’re having sex with at a music festival. You don’t want to end up on some stranger’s Instagram with the caption “Gross hippie couple going at it.” If you must, try to incorporate one of the musicians, so you can at least do it in a climate-controlled tour bus like a human being.


Set a course for orgasm! Board The Pleasure Craft: Have your first mate lie on his back, grab some rope, and tie his wrists to the life rail. Mutiny on the Bounty, baby—you’ve taken him prisoner at sea. Just remember, move with the motion of the boat to avoid seasickness and injury. (Also, maybe pop a Dramamine before going at it on deck.)


This is a great idea if you live in a high-rise or anywhere with a flat, level top. It’s not so great if you have Spanish tile or live in a Swiss ski chalet. Roof sex may require a little advance reconnaissance, because you’ll need to make sure you’re not in a busy elicopter flight path or near a belching heat vent. Just bring up that yoga mat you never use (roof gravel = not sexy), and give those pigeons/neighbors with binoculars a show they won’t forget.


First, be sure to check for rusty hardware, ants, and dry rot. All clear? Sit on the edge of the table with your legs on the bench, and have your guy sit on the bench between them, facing you, his head level with your thighs. Get it? It’s a picnic! And you’re so much better than PB&J.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If you have a towel or a blanket, you can also try doing it on a beach (as long as it’s deserted!). If you fall victim to the old sand-in-the-cracks predicament, a warm bath should do the trick.


Her body blueprint

“70% of women miss dirty sex but they are ashamed to tell their partners about it.”

Is your sex life getting so boring you want to scream? Is your partner careless and almost numb to all your efforts between the sheets? Then you might need to revamp those foreplay skills. Our bodies are a hotbed of sexual pleasure to be discovered. Take your time and delve into each other if you want the most mind blowing orgasms of your life. Give your, and her nooks and crannies some love for a surprisingly sexy night!

Zone 1: Kissing

Most of us probably won’t spend a whole night making out if it’s not going to lead to sex. But we should. I always tell people to designate at least one day a month to kissing to help build intimacy. Avoiding all major erogenous zones will also get your body to refocus. Try a variety of styles all over the body: soft, hard, fast, slow, tongue and no tongue.

Zone 2: Ears

Four different sensory nerves make up the external ear, making them supersensitive. Give those cute little things some attention! Try a gentle nibble, a quick lick, or softly blowing on your partner’s earlobe. Whispering your desires with a hot and heavy breath will drive her totally wild. While you can nibble around the outside of the rest of her ear as well, for courtesy’s sake avoid jamming your tongue inside her ear.

Zone 3: Neck

The neck is the first place you turn to when you want to turn someone on. It’s a total hot spot thanks to the carotid artery, which pumps blood through your body. Try breathing against it or lightly running your fingers over it. Make your way to the collar bone and give that spot a hard kiss. Try the nape of her neck as well. In ancient Japan, the back of a woman’s neck was seen as very attractive by men since it was one of the few places not covered by clothing. In modern times, the nape of the neck is often neglected in favor of more obvious pleasure centers, but never underestimate the power of gentle touches and kisses from her hairline to her shoulders.

Zone 4: Armpit

Though it may not seem sexy, you’ve been overlooking this hidden pleasure spot for years. Because they contain a major artery, your armpits can be a hotbed of sensitivity. If your partner enjoys a little bit of pain during sex, I suggest pressing your thumb into the hollow of her armpit, a pressure point. It can be a great way to incorporate some kink.

Zone 5: Above the butt

Our booties aren’t the only erogenous zones. Try massaging the hollow area of the lower back when you want to turn her on. It’s always good fun to explore around the obvious sexy parts. What makes this teaser so hot is that it’s fairly innocent, but it still feels kind of risqué. However, you’ll have to resist the urge to slip down to her vagina while you’re so close. Like teasing her inner thighs, kissing and licking around her bum will excite her until she’s begging for more. Prolong the sensation by leaving the region to focus on another body part for a while.

Zone 6: Nipples

Nipples are attached to a section of nerves that connect to the brain and genitals. When one of her love buttons is touched, the others are likely to be awoken. Pinch, suck, or lightly bite her nipples while you explore other parts of her body with your hands.

Zone 7: Abs

Licking, kissing and sucking the rib area can really turn a woman on. Make your way down to the belly button, another secret hot spot. Because the clitoris and the belly button grow from the same tissue in the womb, they are neurologically linked in adulthood. Before you lick her there, lightly place your finger inside to see for yourself how it feels.

Yes, every inch of her body is covered with nerve endings that could be stimulated, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have some no-go places. Some women can’t stand to have their faces touched, while others find it unbearable if their hands are tickled. As you explore, you’ll learn which places your touch has the best effect on and which you should avoid.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Re-write history on the map of her body by exploring these hot spots. Actually, how about taking an entire night just for this: arousing her senses so much that she won’t be able to wait any longer and scream for you to be inside her?


Hot Hollywood Sex

“I don’t like to be told what to do unless I’m naked.”

Lights, camera action! (You know the kind I mean.) You love watching them on film – now it’s your turn to be the star and re-create the hottest, most iconic big-screen sex scenes at home (or in the wild.) Envelope, please: The orgasm goes to… you.

The Notebook.

Why it’s hot: I don’t need to explain you why a sex scene starring Rachel McAdams is a turn-on. But I will. After a torturous seven years wait, Rachel and a bearded Ryan Gosling finally consummate their passion in a grade-A thong-twister. Gosling pushes her against the wall, passionately rips off her clothes, and then carries her into the bedroom, where he feasts on her naked body. Yes, please!

Re-create: The urgent, under-the-clothes quickie

The key is keeping things fast and furious. Be rough with kissing and touching as soon as you walk in the door – push her undies to the side, ask her to leave her shoes on, and do it under her dress. Hell, just get busy right against the wall if you must. (If you can get into an emotional flight in the rain beforehand, even better…)


Why it’s hot: Kate Winslet’s Rose falls hard for a whimsical artist with no money and floppy blond hair. Been there. The scandalous Jasmine/Aladdin dynamic sets the stage for some seriously scorching sex. After Kate drops trou so that Leo can sketch her in the buff, these two crazy kids break into an empty car where they go at it so intensely they fog up the windows. Knowing they could get caught any minute raises the stakes, transforming ordinary nookie into a full-on erotic adventure.

Re-create: Bawdy backseat sex

No need to board a cruise ship on a glacier route. Just park your car somewhere that makes you feel rebellious – like a quiet suburban neighborhood – and do it like a couple of randy teens. Spoon-sex her in the backseat, have her straddle you on the passenger’s side (the seatbelt is a handy restraint), or position her over the center console and make doggie your default setting. Sweaty hands on the steamy windows are an absolute must.

Eyes wide shut

Why it’s hot: Three words – secret mansion orgy. In this practically X-rated sex saga, guests openly eff all over the house, partying like it’s 200 BC Rome. One particular couple, however, wins the award for most alluring public display of affection. The woman lies on a dark wood table, back arched, while a masked stranger stands over her, passionately thrusting into her. Call me voyeuristic, but mysterious, butt-grabbing strangers? Totally arousing.

Re-create: Sneaky, anonymous party sex

All you need to recreate this IRL is an abandoned chateau and 300 DTF guests. If that’s out of budget, try the pared-down version: Next time you’re partying, plan an escape to an empty room. The closet is a perfect sneaky hookup spot because you’re hidden, but there’s still a chance of getting busted, which ups the sauce factor. Go down on each other before trying a little from-behind action, holding the door shut and having your partner lean back on it. Forcing yourself to do it all quietly – so your moans don’t give you away – will feel extra naughty.

Pretty Woman

Why it’s hot: Julia sparked untold hotel sexcapades after taking control of the bump-and-grind at the Regent Beverly Wilshire. “What do you do?” Gere asks. “Everything”, she replies. “But I don’t kiss on the mouth.” Sometimes you’re in the mood to look into your partner’s eyes and make soft, sensual, Usher-style love… and other times, you want to rough-ride your woman. Simple.

Re-create: Kiss-anywhere-but-the-mouth sex

Take turns lying down totally nude while you kiss every inch of each other’s bodies – except the mouth. As things start to feel super delicious, go all the way, but remember: no lip-locking. No-kissing sex will feel all forbidden… and inspire more lip service to her ears, neck and nipples. Gray haired wig, optional.


Why it’s hot: Spader’s Mr. Grey is masterfully kinky when spanking his assistant, Ms. Holloway, over a typo: “Put your elbows on the desk, bend over… and read it aloud.” S&M sex at the office is totally taboo – and super arousing. Come on, no one fantasizes about a loving monogamous couple doing it missionary style in their master bedroom…

Re-create: The kinky role-play romp

Be the boss and have her address you only as “Mr.”, or play the pupil and give her oral under the desk. All mistakes will be punishable by naughty spanking… and the sex position of the boss’s choice. Reverse-cowgirl-ing in an office chair will be overtime you won’t mind…


Why it’s hot: Nothing ferments my kombucha like some down-and-dirty whoopee. In this epic scene, Demi is sensually massaging clay on her potter’s wheel when a shirtless Swayze tries to distract her by caressing her neck and arms. Suddenly, nothing seems hotter than being sex-jumped when you’re totally absorbed with some hands-on project. Demi plays it really cool, pretending to focus on some wack ceramic pot while the biggest hunk of the nineties grinds on her from behind.

Re-create: The fun, frisky foreplay game

Even without an in-home pottery studio, you can still engage in some messy fun. Wash your car, frost a cake, pull some weeds – as long as you’re getting dirty (pun intended). Then challenge your partner to try to distract you with her hands and mouth. See how long you can resist before giving in to some gritty sex – whether on top of the kitchen table or in the garden.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. What other sex scenes would you love to re-create? These are the classics, but I’m sure you must have your own cinematic fantasies. Do share with the rest of us!


The appliance of science in the bedroom

“Sex, sexual dynamics and how we define our sexuality, is one of the major deals in everyone’s life.” – Molly Parker

If you’re a regular reader of the Iced Vovo-pink delight that is my website, you’ll know that every week I share with you some tantalizing tidbit or another – whether it’s that 84 percent of women get turned on by ear nibbling, 45 percent of men are sick for cut-out cossies, or 0.1 per cent of all sex goes on in space (all completely made up, but you catch my drift).

Not only was there a time when such salacious stats weren’t tolerated, sex wasn’t talked about at all. Not even by people having it! Couples could go their whole married life without seeing each other in the nuddy. They weren’t even looking each other in the eye while doing it, so you can image that talking about each other’s frustrations, pleasure or incompatibilities was completely out of the question and even immoral for some.

Back in those sexual dark ages (which were only 100-odd years ago), sex was predominantly thought of as a necessary evil. Case in point: a quote from a book titled Sex Tips for Husbands and Wives from 1894: “While sex is at best revolting and at worst painful, it has to be endured… when it cannot be prevented, it should be practiced only in total darkness. Lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.”

Yeeeah. So you can see we have come a long way. And it was William Masters and Virginia Johnson who started the revolution.

Busting the myths

Before the original sex researchers, Masters and Johnson, came along, hanky-panky was a hush-hush affair. People did it, but with what must be only very rare exceptions, they were certainly not studying it. So groundbreaking was the pioneering pair’s research that TV network Showtime has whipped their story up into a series, Masters of Sex. Among other things, Masters and Johnson were first to “discover” women were capable of multiple orgasms. I say “discover” because one can only assume some women were already well aware of it. This was quite the revelation to the mostly male scientific and medical community, though. Imagine that.

They also ascertained that most men masturbate (92 percent, actually – which, in related news, leads me to believe that eight per cent of men are chronic liars). Also, that a woman’s sexual peak is in her thirties, and that homosexuality is not a mental illness, as was previously believed. The duo also observed that men need a breather between sexy sessions, unlike women, who are basically like Energiser Bunnies when it comes to orgasmic energy; capable of climaxing again and again without a break.

But they didn’t stop at the very young and nubile – no sir. They also discovered people aged 70 and beyond were fully able to hit the hot spot; that there was in fact no age at which sexual function disappeared. It may take our elders a little longer to get aroused, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. I dare you not to picture your grandpa and grandma pounding private parts right now… Ahem. Moving on.

Rules of attraction

Most importantly, however, Masters and Johnson were the ones responsible for coming up with the very ahead-of-its-time four-stage model of sexual response – a biological progression that dissects sex into neat boxes. It seems to take a fair whack of magic out of the act, but still, it was a very impressive revelation.

The four stages are of course excitement (which can be brought on by the mere thought of getting it on), plateau (genitals start to swell, breath quickens), orgasm (the holy grails; fluids a-go-go) and resolution (the body now returns to its standard, not-quite-as-fun, non-electrified state). And they ascertained all of this in a decade when the only fornication that was condoned was the kind that led to procreation. A time when oral sex, even between husband and wife, was illegal in a lot of places.

The sheer fact that the pair were watching people get their rocks off in a lab in order to come to all of these conclusions was outrageous in itself – it got them on late-night talk shows and the cover of Time magazine. So if you’re thinking of changing careers… well, don’t dismiss the idea of furthering human knowledge of the best activity ever invented. Because, if you ask me, it’s a pretty sweet way to earn a paycheck.

Have a fun week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If you found this introduction into the meanders of sex particularly interesting, don’t miss out on any of my columns, I’ll be sharing tips and tricks of the trade every week!

Young attractive happy couple in bedroom

What she wants more of in bed

“I like to feel sexy. I know my husband thinks I’m sexy. I think he is too. But I don’t go out half-naked with ‘sex’ written across my back.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones

Even though you are sexually satisfying your girl on a pretty regular basis, there are some special touches that she could use more of. Such as…

The effort you put into seducing her

Yes, you would think your good looks and suave personality alone would be enough to woo the panties off her, but when you go the extra mile to set the mood, it really shows you care about her and her needs. So rather than flipping off the TV and casually asking, “Are you ready for some of this?” (and by this you mean you’re junk, which you proudly reveal to her in neon lights, nothing romantic about that aspect), try lighting some  candles, putting on sexy music, stroking her hair in that particular way you know she likes so much. These sweet gestures show that you’re just as interested in her arousal, and you’re not only thinking with the little head.

Kissing throughout the act

Speaking of seduction, you probably kiss your girl as a prologue to sex. Which is great. But once the main event is under way, making out tends to take a backseat. Well, it damn well should still be a priority! Kissing is one of the most intimate sexual acts. When you do it during intercourse, the experience becomes even more intense and emotional for your partner and for yourself as well, mind you. So don’t put an end to the smooches once her panties are off and your penis is in action, on the contrary, intensify them and make them juicier than ever. You’ll rip the benefits in the form a very awesome and all-enticing orgasm.

The amount of time spent on foreplay

Even if you think you have warmed her enough, your girl still might need significantly more foreplay than you do. For many women, it’s good to make sure she has an orgasm before intercourse, from either manual or oral sex. Because she has already climaxed, she will be more aroused and able to enjoy the sex more fully. So take matters into your own hands, if you excuse the pun. A good session of fingering, topped off with some pretty seriously hot tongue tricks should make her climax in no time. Once that’s settled, head on to the real business of the night!

Receiving compliments on her skills

Sorry, guys, but grunting and moaning “Yeah, baby” are not adequate forms of expression. If you really want her to know just how much you liked the sex, you’ll have to try using complete sentences, verb and all. Get specific: tell her how much you loved her oral sex technique, that new position she suggested, or the way she moved during intercourse. Just like you, she wants to know that everything she’s doing is having the desired result: pleasing you, silly!

Have an awesome week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. After following these tricks religiously, don’t wonder why she suspects you of reading her mind.


Is her first time still affecting her sex life?

“You think intercourse is a private act; it’s not, it’s a social act. Men are sexually predatory in life; and women are sexually manipulative. When two individuals come together and leave their gender outside the bedroom door, then they make love.” – Andrea Dworkin

Whether she lost her virginity with her first serious boyfriend or it was a one-night stand that’s best forgotten, the first time can affect her love-life forever. Is your partner happy with your sex life? Does she feel in control, and comfortable to experiment and get the love-life you deserve? Or does she lack the confidence to ask for what she wants in bed? Whichever camp she’s in, the key factor behind it could be how she lost her virginity. And the same rule applies to you. A recent US study, Gone but not forgotten: Virginity loss and current sexual satisfaction, published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, investigated how influential our first time can be. They found that those who’d had the best experiences had the most fulfilling sex lives now. Whereas people with more negative memories were less happy with their current sex lives.

If there was a theme that linked most of them, it was disappointment. But, of course, your first time is unlikely to go smoothly – after all, you’ve never done it before, and your partner might not have, either. Of course, it’s also a matter of background: what you’ve been taught about sex, how it was dealt with by your parents, and so on. If you have a good sense of self, your first time is likely to have been more positive, even if the sex itself wasn’t that great. How your first time and subsequent sex life played out has to do with how you already were as a person in terms of confidence and self-image.

There are three groups we fall into when it comes to our first time:

  • Pragmatists, who it won’t be the best experience, but manage their expectations and have an OK time.
  • Stigmatised, who feel embarrassed by their virgin status and are determined to lose it as soon as possible, however possible.
  • Gifters, who see their virginity as a precious item to be handled with care.

Gifters were more likely to have felt devastated if anything went wrong. Likewise, those who felt virginity was a stigma also took a negative experience to heart, and often waited longer before having sex again. But the pragmatist saw it as just another life stage, and is more likely to have been satisfied, or at least learnt from it and so stood a better chance of getting what they wanted next time. Feeling you had a choice in the matter is also important in creating an ongoing feeling of empowerment. It sets the template for your current sexual relationships.

The Sex Factors

The truth is, first-time sex has no guarantees. It could have been with a long-term partner but disappointing, or with a stranger who turned out to be considerate. Your age will also likely have had an impact – although your emotional maturity counts for more than actual years. A woman’s body may be mature in her early teens, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s emotionally ready to start a sexual relationship. If you aren’t ready, there’s a risk you’ll feel the first time was disappointing or shameful and other feelings that stay with you. Or you may be in your late teens or early twenties, and still feel awkward. Even the place where it happened could have a bearing. Say, a rushed session in a car would give you few hints of how amazing sex can be when it’s done slowly, with no fear of anyone walking in on you.

Learn from experience

  • If the sex was a disaster. It needn’t dictate your sexual future. Most first times are underwhelming, but it gets better. The best cure is time – it can turn dreadful experiences into something we can laugh about later. Talking to people normalizes the situation. There’s a chance most will have had a less than brilliant first time too. The first time is just the first time – you can’t let it ruin the many wonderful experiences you’re having as an adult.
  • If she felt her virginity was taken from her. For some women, their first time may have happened when they weren’t planning it or didn’t feel ready. The most natural reaction after is a lack of trust in the bedroom. Don’t make her feel guilty for holding back. Share your own nerves about your first time with her.
  • If it was planned, with someone she trusted. This shows she had respect for herself and her body, but if her sexual life after that has followed a similar pattern, she might need to be more on the edge sexually. However, don’t feel you should push her boundaries just for the sake of it. Be happy she’s confident in knowing what she likes and she’ll soon open up to more adventurous romping.
  • If she waited until she was older. Women may berate themselves for being older than their friends when they lost their virginity, though they shouldn’t. In fact, this shows that they didn’t and won’t bow to pressure. She probably now uses this strength to her advantage – she never compromises her values and always feels confident to ask for what she wants in the bedroom. It will lead to fulfilling sex.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. However your first time played out, it’s important not to have any regrets. Sex is meant to be fun, after all.

Red condom and thumb up

What she notices about sex

“Sex is a big question mark. It is something people will talk about forever.” – Catherine Deneuve

Even in the throes of passion, a woman is making surprising observations. You might not know this, but women, just like you guys, spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about sex – so much so that we think about it even while it’s happening (and right beforehand and immediately afterwards). Here are some of the things your girlfriend might be focusing on… behind your back.

If you premeditated the action

Candles, fresh sheets, a hot bath with exactly the type of bath oils you know she likes, condoms: their presence tells her you want your sexual encounters to be as pleasurable (and safe) as possible. You don’t have to break out every accessory on night one, but just knowing you’re stocked up and always ready to go is a turn-on for ever woman. “It’s confusing when a guy invites you to stay over and then doesn’t have condoms – was he really not anticipating this?” asks Jenny.

Your signature moves

It could be a sweet, soft kiss behind the ear, a charming grin you give her as you’re changing positions, or something naughty you do with your… well, the point is, it doesn’t have to be the Most Shocking Sex Act of the Year. Do anything small that she’s never encountered before and she’ll still be ruminating about it when she reaches the retirement home. “Right after I climaxed, my boyfriend runs his fingers down the full length of my back,” says Julia. “I get shivers that extend my pleasure a few extra precious seconds.”

Your body confidence

When you first get nude, she gets a sense of how comfortable you are with your body. Do you arm cover your abs when your shirt comes off or stand up straighter so she can see? Do you walk across the room naked after sex or swaddle yourself with sheets? “I went out with a guy who always kept his t-shirt on during sex”, says Carol. “It was a hot idea, but every time? I hated that he was so worried about showing her belly.” Here’s what a woman is thinking: If you have issues about living inside your own skin, what other issues might you have? 

The noise level

Just like with potato chips and presidential debates, moderation is key. Utter silence makes her think you’re praying for it to end, but crazy porno wailing seems kinda disingenuous – what’s with the dramatics? Urgent moaning, loud sighs, whispers instructing her what to do next – all this tells her you’re doing something right. When in doubts, just purr the classics: “Yes”, “More”, “Faster”, and so on. That way, when things do get so hot that you’re brought to wild banshee screams, she’ll know it’s authentic.

The morning after routine

Every morning after sex is the perfect morning. You have slept well and you feel relaxed. The perfect morning after for a woman is with you making sure she has an ideal time. Sneaking out to fix her breakfast in bed usually works nicely. Waking up and cuddling is also good, but don’t go straight to passionate kisses, women are self-conscious about morning breath. Another good idea: a hot bath to start fresh after a dirty… encounter.

Have a nice week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. A woman also notices how often you decide to initiate sex. Even though she might not be in the mood, she still wants you to initiate it, so that she feels desired.


Make your favorite position orgasmic for her

Ben: Do you want to do it doggie-style?

Alison: You’re not going to fuck me like a dog.

Ben: It’s doggie-style. It’s just the style. We don’t have to go outside or anything.” – Knocked Up

You guys dig doggie-style – I know, shocking! But what may surprise you is that if done right, it could also give your partner more thrills that you ever thought possible. I realized this upon watching a talk show where celebrities were coming and getting personal about their lives. One thing the show host always tried to get all her guests to admit? Their favorite sex position, and surprisingly, the majority of these famous ladies said they prefer doggie-style.

What? Sure, we women like it fine, but you’d think a position with more of a pleasure payoff – like cowgirl – would top their lists. We already know that guys love doggie-style because it’s animalistic – literally, it’s something you see on Animal Planet, but it’s not a position generally associated with female orgasm. However, it should, because there are so many ways to make it work for a woman just as well as it does for a man. If you’re a fan of doggie too (or even if you’re not), try these three different versions designed to bring your partner home for the win.

1)    The Bee’s Knees

Play with the placement of her knees. It’s natural for a woman to spread her legs so that you are kneeling between them, but zipping them up tight can make your penis feel thicker and make her feel tighter to you. Plus, the farther apart your knees are on the bed, the easier it’s going to be for you to lean forward and play with her breasts and clitoris. And here’s a good-to-know rule of thumb for making sure you never thrust so deep that it’s uncomfortable: The higher her butt is in the air, the deeper you can penetrate her. The lower it is, the more restricted your motion is going to be.

2)    Doggie Domination

With you lying flat on your back, have her straddle your legs on all fours, facing your feet. Keeping her hands on the bed, she should lower her butt so that you can enter her. This angle is great for a couple of reasons – one, because she’s technically on top, she gets to control the pace and depth of penetration. And two, she is in the perfect G-spot-stimulating position. She should arch her back, and ride you in a forward and up-and-down motion to really target the sweet spot. Not only does it feel fantastic for the both of you, but seeing her back arched with her hair tumbling over is an erotic view for you.

3)    The Magic-Carper Ride

If you don’t own a shag rug, then get yourself a bath mat, pronto. You want a small one, so that you can easily move it around. You want shag because it feels plush against bare skin. I would also suggest slipping a vibrator underneath the mat (this way the sensation isn’t too intense), having her lie down, and positioning her pelvis over the vibrating area while you kneel above her and enter her. You’ll have to cobra your back and use a rocking motion – which is ideal, since your movement will help her grind against that spot.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. So yeah, if you want to be an animal in the sack, go ahead. She’ll love it just as much!