“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun”- Katharine Hepburn
As much as I love Katharine Hepburn and as much as I agree with her beliefs in general, I think that in this particular matter, obeying the rules is of utmost importance. Anal sex is good sex only if you do it right, and you’re doing it right only by listening to your body and obeying the rules. Otherwise you’re walking in a minefield of possible complications, both health and mind wise.
I’ve put together a list of ten things that you should ALWAYS take into consideration if you’re planning on engaging in anal sex. Respect them and you’ll have the time of your life!
1. Never do it while she’s pregnant. Dr. Ruth Westheimer, sex therapist, media personality and author, points out that some men think that having vaginal intercourse during pregnancy will somehow hurt the baby, so they suggest anal intercourse instead, which is not true. Anal sex can be very dangerous during pregnancy, especially because of the risk of spreading bacteria from the anus and rectum to the vagina. Vaginal infections during pregnancy can be both harder to treat and more serious. Moreover, it is more difficult to get in a comfortable position for anal stimulation while pregnant, which makes it least desired by women. Also, hemorrhoids are a common side effect of pregnancy and could make anal sex excruciatingly painful for her. (16)
2. Don’t do her by surprise. Word of advice: girls are not amused when boys slip their penises in the wrong hole “by mistake”. It doesn’t matter how turned on she is, she will feel the difference, and she won’t be very happy about it. The only way you’re getting in there is if she’s ready for it. And you’ve talked about it beforehand. And she’s agreed to give it a try. There are no other options. Everything else is forced-sexual encounter, and you don’t want her to think that about you, do you?
3. Never skip foreplay. Even if she’s the type that likes it rough, it’s different when it comes to anal intercourse. She might like when you surprise her with sudden trysts, without any clitoral stimulation beforehand, but she might not like it when you do the same, but in her derriere. Start slow and move step by step. The anal tightness takes time to ‘break’ into a state of relaxation, and until that happens, any attempt at thrusting is meant to cause pain of the worst kind.
4. Don’t push it too soon. One of Murphy’s famous laws on sex goes something like this: “Anal sex is like snow. You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.” Always keep in mind that there is no sure thing when it comes to anal sex. She might not want to go through with it tonight, and that means you should always be prepared to back off whenever she asks you to. If you’re too insistent too soon, you might scare her for good.
5. Don’t go too hard. Camille Paglia, feminist author, teacher and social critic said at one point: “You have to accept the fact that part of the sizzle of anal sex comes from the danger of it. You can be overpowered.” (17) Though you can get over excited while you’re doing it, keep a lucid mind and think about the consequences that your roughness can produce. Keep your enthusiasm in your heart, not in your moves, otherwise you can end up hurting her.
6. Don’t forget about breathing. Deep inhaling and exhaling is very important during anal sex. Ask your partner to take relaxing breaths so that the anus doesn’t tighten up too soon. After you have inserted your finger or penis inside the anus, get her to exhale deeply so that the muscles relax. Yoga lessons can help her control her breathing, so it wouldn’t hurt if she took some.
7. There is no such thing as too much lube. People who like anal sex use to say that “too much lube is almost enough.” This is true. Don’t worry about the mess. As long as you’re using the right type (condom compatible), you have nothing to fear about. Lube her whole body if you want, from head to toe, whatever makes you two feel comfortable enough so that the experience is pleasurable.
8. Don’t use numbing cream. Never use lubricants that contain numbing ingredients under the mistaken impression that it’s a good thing not to feel sore. Pain is a sign that your body should desist from what it is doing and this is not something you should ever overlook. She could get hurt really bad without either of you realizing it. Also, you could get hurt just as well. Accept the fact that it is possible that it hurts in the beginning and move through to the pleasurable phase. That is the natural way of doing it and it saves you both from unneeded complications.
9. Use protection. Even if you’re a solid couple and you trust each other, you should never do it without a condom. There a number of diseases that you can get and it’s not worth the trouble. However, if you’re dead set on not using, for whatever reason you may invoke, The American Medical Women’s Associations recommends that before safer sex protections are discontinued, both you and your partner be tested for HIV. (18)
10. Don’t switch holes without switching hats. There’s a reason women swipe their lady parts from the front to the back. The germs that exist in the fecal remains cause serious infections both to the vagina and to the urinary tract. Either you switch condoms or you put on double hats and when the backdoor job is complete, you can take one off and continue to vaginal intercourse.
Have a sweet & hot week,
P.S. If she insists on using a numbing cream, don’t give in! If she’s too afraid to try it… au naturel, she’s not ready yet.