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Is everyone having anal sex?

Anal sex is like spinach: if you’re forced to eat it, you won’t enjoy it”- Daniel Tosh

Nothing divides a room full of women like the subject of anal sex. For some it’s the last great sexual taboo. For others it’s something to try once, and then discard. And then there are women who swear by it as one of life’s great pleasures.

According to a survey of 100,000 readers of Redbook magazine, 43% of women have tries anal sex at least once. Since more people are talking about it than ever before, it may appear that a revolution in the bedroom is under way. Gabrielle Morrissey, head of the sexology course at Bond University and author of Urge, stresses this: “Anal eroticism is on the menu more than it ever was. People are definitely more curious about it- even if not all of them are actively experimenting with it.”

What a boy wants

Since anal sex is usually thought to be forbidden, no wonder it’s a turn on for you guys. The thrill of breaking a taboo can take you back to when you discovered sex for the first time. You also cite a different physical sensation as one of the reasons you are drawn to it. The external sphincter is very tight and it has been argued that it gives more pleasure than the vagina. Also, it feels different from the vaginal canal- not just tight, but smooth, offering a different sensation.

Hurts so good?

From the female perspective- the physical sensation can be quite different- and painful! Why? Most people have a muscle-contraction reaction in this area, to stop fecal matter escaping. When you insert something into the sphincter, the muscle clamps down. You have to consciously relax to overcome that, which can be very difficult to some women.

The solution is lube and taking things slowly. The anus doesn’t have a lot of natural moisture, so it’s vital to use a good-quality, water-based lube. Particularly the first time insertion should be very slow. Add lube as often as necessary and have your girlfriend or wife breathe out as you insert further, and talk it through as you go.

While the typical image of anal sex is for the man to position himself behind his partner, in a doggie style scenario, I suggest trying out different moves. The sitting position, with the woman on top, allows her more control. You can also do it in the missionary position, or side by side. You need to get her to be as calm as possible; if she’s nervous, she’ll literally constrict, making it more difficult. If it hurts, stop.

The hygiene fact freak-out

For many couples, pain isn’t the barrier that prevents them from experimenting with anal sex. It’s, well… poop. Though there’s not much chance of things getting messy. The rectum is usually empty. Fecal matter may be an issue if she’s constipated or suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but most people won’t encounter anything untoward.

Good hygiene is vital when practicing anal eroticism. Use condoms with anal sex and use a fresh one to insert the penis back into the vagina. You don’t want to mess with the balance of bacteria in the anus and you certainly don’t want to introduce bacteria found in the rectum into the vagina. Stay clean even if you’re indulging in “hand play” in the anal area. Wash fingers before and after inserting them into the rectum.

But is it dangerous?

Truth is, bottoms are not as robust as the vagina. Small tears and bleeding are more of an issue for penetrative sex in this area- and it’s easier to transfer infections this way. If she’s in pain after anal sex, a cool water wash might help. If she’s really sore, look at your technique and see what you’re doing wrong.

If you practice anal sex regularly, there’s another thing to be aware of. Some people’s sphincter muscles can become loose, leading to anal incontinence. But it takes decades to get to this point. It’s more of an issue for people who like to play with oversized toys; meanwhile if you insert something as relative in size as the penis, long-term issues are unlikely to happen.

Of course, you don’t need to stop at the penis- sex toys designed specifically for anal eroticism are available. But make sure you’re using just the ones that are specially designed for this kind of intercourse. We’ve all heard “those” hospital stories.

Have a fully sensual week-end,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Don’t underestimate the pleasure you too can receive if you try this kind of play. Your G-spot is at the top of the rectum and it can give you a different kind of orgasm- streaming, instead of pulsing.

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