I am about to tell you something really important. Something that you really should know by now, if you don’t already. Are you sitting down? OK, here I go: People have anal sex. They enjoy it. It feels good. They sometimes do it on a regular basis, the same way they do vaginal sex. However, due to cultural stigmas and some weird societal taboo factor, there’s a certain amount of shame attached to incorporating it into your love life. Sometimes, it can even feel embarrassing to ask your partner to have anal sex.
But the thing is, it really shouldn’t be. Scream it from the rooftops! Want to have anal sex?! Actually, that is maybe a bad idea. The appropriate way to ask your partner to do the deed, especially if you’re feeling a little nervous, doesn’t actually involve any rooftops. It’s just a matter of communicating your desires and hope your relationship is strong enough to not feel threatened or put off by it. That’s why I’m here, to lay the grounds and share with you a simple, and REAL method to approach the subject.
First stop – Don’t shy away from your real feelings
Turns out, being nervous can actually be advantageous. Confidently asking someone if they want to have anal sex would probably come off pretty intimidating, if you think about it. Being nervous can actually help you because it will enable you to be sensitive to your partner’s hesitancy if they express unwillingness or averseness. But you can also be surprised by her response – your partner might actually be ecstatic that you have brought it up. Perhaps it is something that has been on her mind but she was reluctant to discuss it and was hoping for you to bring it up. I’ve had so many women patients come to me and tell me they were dying to try it but they were too ashamed to ask their men to do it. You never know what fire rests inside your partner.
Addressing the situation with gentleness is the perfect way to approach the topic with your partner — not to mention the act itself. The first step in talking about it is to ‘feel’ your partner out. If you get thumbs up, the rest is easy. If you get a look of shock, disgust, or ‘are you f*****g out of your mind?’ it’s time to go to Plan B. And Plan B might be missionary, if your partner is more of the vanilla type.
Second stop – You gotta respect the response you get
The answer might be no, and you have to be OK with that. Really. But to get the best possible response, the one you actually want to get, some times are better than others to engage in the backdoor sex conversation. Do not have this discussion during the heat of passion. Nobody wants to feel pressured to say yes if they mean no, or have feelings of regret afterward. I would encourage you to be honest and direct about your desires and your uncomfortableness in bringing it up. The key is to ask for what you want and be prepared to accept your partner’s response.
Obviously, with all things, you need consent. Additionally, don’t make your partner decide immediately. This isn’t a moment’s notice kind of thing. Let your partner know it’s OK to think about it, and not deciding at this moment is perfectly fine. You need to reassure your partner that it’s OK to be ambivalent about it. The more accepting you are of your partner’s feelings, the greater the likelihood they would be willing to engage in it.
Just like other important life decisions, your partner should take a moment to think about engaging in anal sex before she does agree to take the plunge.
And now that you know how to initiate the conversation, proceed with caution and take your time. If you and your partner end up trying it, and you don’t like it, you can always stop. But hey, you might as well try it out at least once, right?
P.S. For more relevant tips and tricks on successfully trying out anal sex, check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy.