“Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”- Barbara Cartland
Women don’t want to hear about it, that’s what most men are accustomed to believe. The problem with this phrase is that it’s only half true. They do deny themselves the opportunity to enjoy anal sex, but they would if they were certain that it was going to be great.
That’s where you come in. If you want your girlfriend or wife to say yes to anal sex, there are a few things that you should learn to do the right way. I’m here to help you do just that. Here’s what you’ve been doing wrong all this time and how and what to change from now on.
1. You think you don’t need to learn what exactly you should be doing.
As Jerry Seinfeld wisely puts it, “there’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” Well, when it comes to anal sex, you don’t just rely on your instincts, on what nature taught you unknowingly. You need to come prepared, with your lessons learned, if you want it to be an awesome experience for both of you, the first time and many times that will follow. Anal is not just sticking your penis inside her bootie and shaking it all around. You should be aware of her anatomy, how her body works, what you can do to stimulate her at the right time, etc. If you don’t enter the situation sufficiently informed, you are not going to rock her world, but convince her that “no” was the right answer after all.
2. Your manual is porn
Another thing that confuses you and stops you from performing at your full potential is the misinterpretation given by the porn industry. Anal sex is not as easy to master and straightforward as you see it in your XXX collection. Those movies never show you that you need a lot of time to warm her up properly, the guy never uses lube and he’s hard hitting right from the start, while the girl screams with pleasure. Professional porn actresses are either stretched out or they are using a numbing cream or gel to dull the pain. Another possibility: they start filming after having injected tons of lube inside her bootie and after she’s been aroused to some extent, so that the act seems real and doable. Don’t believe those that are trying to convince you that it’s not a big deal, because, in fact, it is.
3. You don’t talk to her beforehand
Women are scared. Yes. They get cold sweats and shivers when they think about it and the only thing that would mend this is just a few words of encouragement from your part. Not the “you’ll see you’ll like it” whispered by surprise, when you’re in bed, not that one. That doesn’t count as the talk. Approach the subject in a non-sexual environment, and make sure you give her all the support, promise of protection and patience she needs. Take your time and assure her that it will be ok, it will feel good and it won’t hurt. Talk it over. Find out exactly what makes her hesitant to try it and then see what you can do to belie her fears. Communication is a big deal for women; you ought to know that by now.
4. You don’t stimulate her enough
It is important that she is very turned on before you even go near her derriere. When she’s really heated up, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. Otherwise, instead of giving you the moans and groans and „keep doing it” look, she’ll just respond with a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with lube, get her relaxed with kisses and caresses, maybe a good dose of cunnilingus.
It’s also important to create a non-intimidating, sexy atmosphere. Lower the lights, put some good music, massage her, everything you know she needs in order to loosen up both physically and mentally. Anal sex is not suited for a quickie. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have — use it to your advantage.
5. Once you’re there, you lose your focus
Once the hardest part is over and you find yourself inside her, you need to continue to be highly aware of every move you make, since being too rough can cause her considerable pain. You cannot thrust into her anus as hard as you would into her vagina. Take it easy and pay attention to how it is making her feel. If she tells you to stop, then stop. If she tells you to get out, then get out. If you get selfish and focus on your pleasure over her potential pain, this will probably be the last time you’ll have anal sex with her.
6. You don’t let her set the pace
A big part of the fear that women feel when it comes to anal sex is that they are helpless in this game of power play. If you want her to agree to it and also love the experience, let the action happen on her own grounds. Let her hold your penis and guide it slowly inside of her anus. Even if it takes her half an hour to insert an inch, let her do it. If you surprise her with a sudden movement, the thought of having lost the control will make her even more scared. Just talk to her while she’s doing the job, seduce her mind and she’ll really let loose.
7. You neglect her other lady parts
The sensation of touching the anus or rectum alone may feel uncomfortable for your girl, but couple it with penetration or oral sex, and suddenly it’ll feel much better. If you keep her mind busy with an awesome clitoral orgasm, she won’t mind the back action that much. For example, while you’re fingering her anus, kiss her really deep on the mouth, so that she feels you’re still connected.
Have a deliciously sensual week,
P.S. Complete this list with your girlfriend or wife and see what other things she’d like you to do differently. It’s a great communication exercise!